Category: Blog

  • Top 10 Ways To Feel Inner Peace

    A Guide To Cut Through the Chaos and Start Living, today.

    I know what you must be thinking: “How can this person make a top 10 for how to live with inner peace? Isn’t that kind of besides the point?”

    And you might be right.

    But, hear me out here.

    I have been there, done that.

    Like you, I have tried to eat, drink, spend and do my way to peace. But I have found that it doesn’t really work like that. Whenever I over did it too much, I wound up feeling so much worse than before.

    Less Doing, More Being

    So, without further ado, here is my Top Ten Ways to Feel Inner Peace

    1. Radical Acceptance: As the author and meditation teacher Tara Brach explains, when we are at war with what is, we can’t fully experience our lives. Acceptance of the “way things are” doesn’t mean that we don’t wish and want for a better and more just world, but we do begin with where we are. We accept the version of reality we are living, the things that have happened and the things we have done. This frees us up to approach our life in a way that serves us, rather than harms us.
    2. Self Compassion: This is probably one of my favorite ways to find inner peace. For much of my life, I have beat myself up for many small things about myself. But, then I heard about Self Compassion. As I began to learn more about this practice, read books and workbooks, and even take a Mindful Self Compassion course, I have been awoken to the possibilities that exist when I fully accept myself as I am. This isn’t to say that I settle for less, put up with my own bad behavior or don’t try to challenge myself. But, when I am kind, it makes the aspiration for more seem more attainable. I actually believe I can achieve it, instead of berating myself for not being there yet.
    3. Nature Medicine: Nature is the ultimate healer. I absolutely love getting outside, breathing fresh air, and grounding myself. Reminding myself that I am of the earth, as is every other living person, animal, plant, and element is a way that I enjoy connecting with others. For some, other people can feel unsafe. But, in nature, we can find our common humanity and our common origin.
    4. Morning Routine/Ritual: This is an absolute game changer for me. I notice that if I don’t give myself my morning routine, I am thrown off for the whole day. It negatively affects my mood and my ability to cope with the day. In the morning, I have a specific way that I like to welcome the day. It doesn’t have to happen in an exact order, but for me, sitting in a morning meditation is essential. I have specific elements in my morning meditation ritual that are must-haves for me, but these don’t have to be the same for you.
    5. Read an inspirational book: Learning from others is a wonderful tool when coming to consciousness. While coming to consciousness can be painful, as CG Jung says, it is essential to have inner peace on this journey so we are not completely uprooted. Reading books by others who have been on this journey has been so important to my healing, growing and feeling connected. A few favorites are Psycho Cybernetics, The Universe Has Your Back, and The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook.
    6. Journal it out: Journaling is one of my all time favorite ways to relieve mental anguish. I like to let it all flow from my head, down my arm, into my hand, through the pen and on the paper. This visual aids me in seeing the pain released out of my mind. If you prefer to type rather than write, having a document on your computer ready to go can help. If you prefer to speak rather than write, I love encouraging clients to use the Voice Memo app on their phone to talk through difficulties.
    7. Go to therapy: As a therapist, you knew this would be on my top ten list! I love going to therapy. I am a verbal processor. I need to be able to speak through what is going on in my life, and to have someone I respect and trust be able to interpret what I’m saying and give me feedback. The therapeutic alliance is so important in my life. It’s a place I can go and not feel judged at all. And, I am accepting clients for teletherapy right now! If you live in VA, email me to get started. Highly, highly recommend!
    8. Celebrate big (and small) wins: To feel inner peace, it is important to recognize how far we have come. You might sometimes find yourself comparing yourself to other people on the internet. But, it’s important to remember that what people post is a carefully curated set of photos that they have most likely edited. They aren’t posting about their dog throwing up on the rug, the hatred they feel for their bodies, the fight they got into with a friend or loved one. When you celebrate your big or little wins, you are reminding yourself that your desires are worthy, that you accomplished something, and that you are capable of achieving your dreams!
    9. Share with loved ones: Connection is an important piece of being a human. Dr. Bruce Perry’s book Born For Love illustrates the vital role attachment plays in the development of human beings. So, to boost your inner peace and heal your nervous system, make sure you are regularly checking in with a few people: any trusted and safe family members, friends, loved ones, significant others, and people who you want to cultivate relationships with. Ask how they are doing, and share anything that is happening in your life. Forge these connections deeply so that you see yourself as an integral part of your world.
    10. Rest: Sometimes, we just need to shut down, turn everything off, and be alone. Rest. Close your eyes. Turn off your phone. Allow yourself to be heavy, still, calm. Feel the breath flowing in and out of your body. Give yourself the nourishment you need. Rest is absolutely essential to cultivating inner peace and safety. Your body is your home. You belong to yourself. You keep yourself safe. You know yourself best. Answer the call deep within and become attuned to your own needs. From a place of rest, inner peace is almost inevitable.

    What are your thoughts?

    Would you add anything to your list of cultivating inner peace? What helps you to feel peaceful, at ease, restful, and enough?

  • Healing Isn’t Linear

    Healing Isn’t Linear

    “Healing isn’t linear.”

    We’ve all heard this line before. But what does it mean?

    The way I take it is that we continuously circle around issues that need deeper and deeper healing.

    I envision healing to be like an ascending and descending spiral. The Instagram account @lizandmollie illustrates this point perfectly:

    Sure, it might feel like you are circling around the “same issue”, but you have a different perspective of that issue. You are still you- but with a new perspective.

    The blessing inside of the “curse”.

    Each time the issue arises, you have the potential to be the version of you with the most experience in dealing with it. You have the opportunity to see it with new eyes.

    While every new day provides a new opportunity, you don’t wake up one day a completely different person- you are still you. You have the same family, the same friends, live in the same place and have the same hopes, dreams and desires. The same will be true for the challenges you face in life.

    Flexibility – Not Just For Gymnastics!

    It is easy to love all the good things in life. But what about the challenges? Is it possible to allow challenges to be an arena to learn valuable life lessons?

    This is an area that Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) calls “Psychological Flexibility“. As humans, we are gifted with a high-level thinking brain that allows us to make meaning of our lives. When we can access psychological flexibility, we are able to best show up for the moment we are in and work towards our core values as people, using our executive functioning to help us.

    What is the point of healing, anyway?

    Yes, it’s painful to have to face the same issues. And, as humans, we are a goal-oriented species.

    Our pain can sometimes be a great source of motivation. Healing our pain can be a guide to where we want our lives to go.

    With self-awareness, tangible goals to work towards and perhaps a trusted therapist (ahem!), you will be making progress, climbing up that spiral staircase to healing in no time!

  • Despite fear, you can take action

    Despite fear, you can take action

    Fear can do a lot of things. It can stop us in our tracks. It can also be a catalyst for great change in our lives.

    I’ve always been good at showing up, but not really on following through. There are goals and objectives that I would set off on accomplishing. I would begin by looking into whatever it was that interested me and take the next step in practicing it. Examples include dance, photography, guitar, and learning Spanish, to name a few. But then, fear would kick in. I had voices in my head telling me that I couldn’t do the thing I wanted, that it would turn out badly, that I would be laughed at and run out of town. Once these voices took over, I often felt forced to leave what I was pursuing, shrink back into myself, and throw a pity party. This always made me feel like I was really different from the crowd. But I’m realizing that other people have gone through this, too. That’s partly what inspired me to offer therapy to other people who identify as The Black Sheep, too.

    Deciding to make a change

    Over the course of many years, I’ve gathered information on this process. I have a lot of unrealized dreams, goals and interests in my wake. While I offer forgiveness to my younger self for being scared, I don’t want to continue on this path anymore. I’ve realized that I would rather live a life that I am excited about, even if it is scary, than a boring life that is safe. Because, even if it feels safe, not living my truth out loud has actually caused a lot of distrust and unsafe feelings within my own self. I see this in my clients all the time, too.

    Mental health is so important. The words we think about ourselves and our lives in our own mind are paramount to our functioning in every day life. There is great power in using the word to determine the outcomes we will get. The very nature of naming this gives us choices in choosing which facts we allow to define our lives.

    When we give this power over to fear, we don’t give ourselves a chance. Fear is so easy to support. We find evidence everywhere that being afraid is the smart and rational thing to do. Stories of failure, tragedy, and anguish convince us that getting outside of our comfort zone is too risky. So we stay small. But, our desires don’t go away. They keep burning within. This is when our mental health suffers- we have two incongruent things happening at one time. And one has to win. Often, it’s fear, because at least we can stay comfortable instead of taking a risk.

    Brain science

    And, this really isn’t any fault of our own. Our nervous system is wired to avoid pain, suffering, and anything unsafe. Fear kept our ancestors alive. Avoiding things that scare us is in our DNA.

    Thankfully, modern scientists have learned that our brains have the ability to build new pathways by challenging old beliefs and approaches to life. This is called neuroplasticity. It is possible to tend to your mental health, put yourself through challenges that might feel unsafe but are not life threatening, and rewire your brain to choose more productive and desirable thought processes with beneficial outcomes. It takes some repetition and know how, but once you get started, it starts to take care of itself. Plus, when you see results, you want to keep going!

    I hope that this story makes space for you to entertain the idea of going after what you want. It’s your life. You get to decide what you want, and how to succeed in obtaining it.