Category: Blog

Fear can do a lot of things. It can stop us in our tracks. It can also be a catalyst for great change in our lives.

I’ve always been good at showing up, but not really on following through. There are goals and objectives that I would set off on accomplishing. I would begin by looking into whatever it was that interested me and take the next step in practicing it. Examples include dance, photography, guitar, and learning Spanish, to name a few. But then, fear would kick in. I had voices in my head telling me that I couldn’t do the thing I wanted, that it would turn out badly, that I would be laughed at and run out of town. Once these voices took over, I often felt forced to leave what I was pursuing, shrink back into myself, and throw a pity party. This always made me feel like I was really different from the crowd. But I’m realizing that other people have gone through this, too. That’s partly what inspired me to offer therapy to other people who identify as The Black Sheep, too.

Deciding to make a change

Over the course of many years, I’ve gathered information on this process. I have a lot of unrealized dreams, goals and interests in my wake. While I offer forgiveness to my younger self for being scared, I don’t want to continue on this path anymore. I’ve realized that I would rather live a life that I am excited about, even if it is scary, than a boring life that is safe. Because, even if it feels safe, not living my truth out loud has actually caused a lot of distrust and unsafe feelings within my own self. I see this in my clients all the time, too.

Mental health is so important. The words we think about ourselves and our lives in our own mind are paramount to our functioning in every day life. There is great power in using the word to determine the outcomes we will get. The very nature of naming this gives us choices in choosing which facts we allow to define our lives.

When we give this power over to fear, we don’t give ourselves a chance. Fear is so easy to support. We find evidence everywhere that being afraid is the smart and rational thing to do. Stories of failure, tragedy, and anguish convince us that getting outside of our comfort zone is too risky. So we stay small. But, our desires don’t go away. They keep burning within. This is when our mental health suffers- we have two incongruent things happening at one time. And one has to win. Often, it’s fear, because at least we can stay comfortable instead of taking a risk.

Brain science

And, this really isn’t any fault of our own. Our nervous system is wired to avoid pain, suffering, and anything unsafe. Fear kept our ancestors alive. Avoiding things that scare us is in our DNA.

Thankfully, modern scientists have learned that our brains have the ability to build new pathways by challenging old beliefs and approaches to life. This is called neuroplasticity. It is possible to tend to your mental health, put yourself through challenges that might feel unsafe but are not life threatening, and rewire your brain to choose more productive and desirable thought processes with beneficial outcomes. It takes some repetition and know how, but once you get started, it starts to take care of itself. Plus, when you see results, you want to keep going!

I hope that this story makes space for you to entertain the idea of going after what you want. It’s your life. You get to decide what you want, and how to succeed in obtaining it.

Hello readers!

I want you to know that your lived experience is valid.

If you often find yourself being sad, disappointed, angry or otherwise upset about your life and then stop yourself by saying, “Other people have had it way worse than me,” I invite you to watch this video.

Make more room for yourself, your feelings, and your lived experience.

If it is coming up within you, it wants to be healed.

Please watch the video below for more insights on this phrase, and how I respond to my clients in sessions when this comes up (which is very often).

Much love,

Elise

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CGkuxlbl2Yl/

If you find yourself de-validating your own experience by responding to your own hurt with “It wasn’t that bad, other people have had it so much worse than me,”, I encourage you to do the following:

1. Stop
2. Take a breath
3. Grab your journal
4. Ask yourself these questions and write out the answers:
   • Who said this to me?
   • What was the situation that was happening when they said this?
   • How did that make me feel?
   • What sense of control did I feel in this situation?
   • What sense of control do I feel over the problem that I am having today?
   • How am I feeling about this situation today?

What you allow yourself to feel, you can heal. Please take this as an opportunity to tend to yourself today.

To learn more about ACEs, click here.

10 Things You Can Do To Tend To Your Mental Health During Quarantine

Hello friends!

I am writing you from my day 25 of self-quarantine! I have had the opportunity to slow waaaay down in this time, and re-evaluate my relationship with pretty much everything.

The most important things I have evaluated are not tangible. They are with me all the time, and yet they are difficult to reach. What do you think I’m talking about? My mindset and my habits. I am with myself, in my mind, 24/7. While I can step out of the kitchen, close the computer and turn off the phone, I cannot get out of my mind.

With all of this time to be with my thoughts, I am learning so much about my patterns of behavior, especially self-talk.

While the circumstance of this quarantine isn’t an invitation to bash yourself, it can be seen as an opportunity to get to some things you’ve wanted to do. I wanted to share with you the top 10 things that have been helpful to me when addressing my mental health during this time of quarantine with the hopes that this will help you too.

1. Allow myself to feel my emotions

This is first and foremost. When you set yourself up with a strong foundation, understanding your own mind and your own emotions is crucial. You have to allow yourself to feel. For example, if you put too much pressure on yourself to give the most or get the most done during this time, you may end up feeling depleted or resentful. You are still a human being, capable of a multitude of emotions! Your emotions are important information that let you know what you are capable of in the moment. Listen to their messages. See this feeling wheel by Gloria Wilcox to get more familiar with the many words we can use to describe our emotions.

It is ok if you don’t have it all figured out. News flash: NO ONE DOES! You are not alone. As Dr. Kristin Neff explores in her ground breaking work on self-compassion, all people suffer. It is when we think we are the only ones who experience this, that we start to feel bad about ourselves and our mental health takes a nosedive. When you can hold compassion for yourself, it is so empowering. When that feels too hard, reach out for help (see below).

Some ways I like to explore my feelings include journaling, visualization, and meditation. When journaling, I will sometimes ask myself a question. It can be simple, like “What am I feeling right now?” and free write the answer. Also, try not to edit yourself when you’re journaling. Let the information flow! Don’t hold yourself back.

When practicing visualization, I like to first write about my ideal day. Then, I will choose a part of that day to visualize. It helps to choose the part that you are most excited about. This will help you feel on a deep and resonant level, and to start seeing ways to attract these ideal circumstances into your life.

If you are new to meditation, I recommend setting a timer on your phone for 5 minutes. Just try to sit in silence, focusing on your breathing. The great meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh recommends focusing on the breath. On the in breath, say to yourself “breathing in” and on the out breath, “breathing out”. It is helpful to have an anchor to focus your mind on. Contrary to popular belief, the purpose of meditation is not to eliminate thought, but to focus thought. Discipline is of the utmost importance. And, with anything else, discipline is a muscle to exercise. It doesn’t go from weak to strong in a matter of minutes. It takes time, practice, patience and grace. Give these three a try!

2. Indulge in fun

No one ever said that your quarantine had to be all work (or stress) and no play! Yes, this time is stressful. But, constantly reminding yourself of the stress will not help the pandemic go away, or eliminate your problems. Sometimes, a clear mind can bring about solutions much more easily than a stressed or cluttered mind. In order to best serve yourself, do something that takes your mind off your stress for a little while. Some ideas:

-Read a book
-Have an at-home spa day
-Look up recipes
-Have a fashion show with your wardrobe, mix and match new outfits for after quarantine
-Watch a Netflix Show (I just finished Tiger King… omg SO many thoughts that we will save for another time…)
-Play a video game
-Post your selfies
-Color in a coloring book
-Take a walk and do a challenge to find the most something in your neighborhood
-Try a hobby (maybe one that you’re already good at and not something you’re just learning- to lessen the potential of frustration and overwhelm).

When you allow yourself to have fun, you are allowing your body to excrete pleasure hormones, exiting “fight and flight” and entering “rest and digest” part of your nervous system. This clears mental space and actually allows your brain to let in solutions to problems. These are physiological reasons to engage in fun that have positive effects on your brain chemistry.

3. Release via breathing, exercise, and cold showers

On a good day, we hold so much pent up energy in our bodies. Without the everyday opportunities to move around, energy is becoming stuck in more ways and more places in our bodies. Try to incorporate flow of this energy into your day with a new YouTube workout, a breathwork class, or even a cold shower! Some accounts you can follow on IG to learn more about breathwork: @goldenpranabreathwork and @icemanhof (breathwork and cold showers!).

These techniques physiologically create vacuums of oxygen that get your blood pumping to new areas and light up underused parts of your brain. If you’re feeling brain fog or low confidence, try them out and feel the difference. I would recommend rating your feelings on a scale from 1-10 before, and the same scale after, to judge your emotional response.

4. Rituals

Wellness rituals help ground me in the here and now. On days that I don’t implement my rituals, I feel lost. My rituals are pretty much the same every morning. I love the practice of sitting in the same seat in front of my altar, lighting candles, smudging with herbs, calling in Reiki energy, clearing and balancing my chakras and using crystals in this healing, meditating, visualization, journaling, going on a “rampage of gratitude” where I, out loud, will list off things I am grateful for, pulling tarot cards for myself and the collective and posting them on social media. This ritual helps me feel grounded and confident.

While I have listed a lot of things in my morning ritual, yours can be anything you want. Anything you do can be thought of as a ritual. When you name it as such, it can be with the intention of creating a grounding experience for you. Rituals can also be transitional, meaning you use an item or participate in an action to move from one phase to another. An example of this is that I light specific candles to mark the beginning and end of my workday. I light it to start the work day, and I snuff it out to mark the end of the work day. While working from home, it can be hard to have boundaries. This is one way that I mark my boundaries.

Rituals help me with my mental health by creating a container for my environment and behavior, and by marking the place of the beginning and end of an activity.

5. Steady Routine

Generally going to bed at the same time each night, and waking up the same time each morning, can help your mental health. There are, of course, occasions to be flexible with this. However, if you have a routine during non-quarantine life, it would be beneficial to you to stick more or less to that routine, if it will get put back in place after the quarantine. Studies show that our circadian rhythm affects so much of our biological life and processes, and taking care of yourself in this way will ease so much friction mentally and emotionally.

6. Time Outside

It is widely accepted that nature is a great (if not the ultimate) healer. From the Japanese practice of forest bathing, to the need for vitamin D, our bodies are made to be in and around nature. If you have a yard, try to head there at least once a day for at least 5-10 minutes, with bare feet on the earth. This will help with the charge of your body and bring your electromagnetic field into a more harmonious state. If you do not have a yard, consider taking a walk or a drive to a park or forest. Some cities are implementing a shelter in place order, making this an impossible task. Is this is you, don’t fret! Even listening to nature sounds can be beneficial to your mental health. Look up sounds such as rain or flowing water to ease any tension or anxiety and give your mental health a boost.

7. Sex

Whether you’re quarantined with a partner, alone, or with roommates, your body has needs! Heed the call. Biologically, our need for sex is real. There are many processes that take place within our bodies leading up to, during, and after sex. First of all, as I mentioned earlier, pleasure is needed at this time! Allow yourself to have fun.

It is also important to listen to your body. When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you sleep. The same could be true for the need for sexual pleasure. You are answering a biological need your body has, and in doing so, you create trust and confidence within yourself.

8. Ask for help

There are thousands of qualified people who can help you on the internet! It is an amazing resource. Many teachers are offering online courses during quarantine (including me!). My course is linked here. Therapists (also me!), Reiki masters, meditation teachers, career coaches, and more, are currently accepting new clients during this time. Use the extra time as an opportunity to work on yourself with fabulous professionals. You don’t have to go through this alone. There is support out there if you need it.

9. Connect with friends and family

If you are separated from safe family and friends, give them a call! This is a wonderful time for catching up with people. Again, use your best judgement and remember to instill boundaries to protect your energy.  It can be fun to connect with people we love who are far away. Ask how they are handling the quarantine. Send them loving-kindness, of course, after you’ve offered it to yourself first.

10. Support Small Businesses

For those who have the financial means, it is so important to support small businesses at this time. There are many businesses that are needing to close their doors due to the financial strain and burden of having overhead costs. To continue on during coronavirus, many businesses are offering gift cards, pay in advance, online ordering and more options to help them stay afloat during this time. This can help with your mental health because when we show up for our community, we are empowering ourselves to see ourselves as vital figures in each other’s lives, owning the fact that what we do makes a difference. We are all one, and showing up for each other financially can be one of the threads that holds our web together.

Some small businesses I have supported so far during quarantine:

-Bright Body
-Maya Moon Chocolates
-Lyra Parker Massage
-Boketto Wellness

Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope that these tips were helpful for you, and that you give them a try. Please let me know in the comments if you tried anything, and how you felt afterward.

May you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you be free from pain.