Category: Blog

How Deep Is Your Love?

Sure, it’s the title of songs by The Bee Gee’s and Calvin Harris, but I’m honestly asking you this question.

How deep is your (self) love? Do you think that self love is helpful or hurtful?

It depends who you ask.

According to world renowned psychologist and the developer of this approach, Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard is fundamental to healthy human development. It is imperative for people to feel safe in order to encourage ourselves to push past our comfort zones and grow. This is a need that develops before birth, in the womb, and continues into infancy childhood and even carries into adulthood.

Further, the work of Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer in the realm of self-compassion further expands on the need for love, care and understanding from within.

Human beings are part of a collective group and belonging is akin to our very survival.

Is your inner critic loud?

Many people experience difficulty when first approaching the work of self-love and self compassion.

Perhaps you did not receive the understanding you needed as a young person.

Do you remember hearing the words “Suck it up,” “Get over it,” “You’re so weird,” or other similar mocking statements directed toward you?

Maybe you identify as “The Black Sheep”, never fitting in anywhere quite right.

If so, try to offer yourself understanding in this moment. Reach the olive branch of peace to yourself, in your mind and heart.

You are allowed to belong, if even just in your own life. Make space for your unique self to thrive and shine.

Just because it feels weird, doesn’t mean you don’t need it.

No matter who you are, you deserve understanding.

If it feels foreign to offer yourself unconditional positive regard, compassion, or love, then this is a clue into an area you actually need a heavy focus and intentional offering of these exact qualities in your life.

Think about caring for anything- a plant, a child, a pet, a significant other, a retirement account, preparing a meal. Does it do better with attention, or neglect? You are the exact same and deserve the same amount of care and attention.

My challenge to you

See if you can offer yourself a kind word once a day for 7 days. Use a journal to record how you feel before offering yourself kindness, and after. Then compare your writings from the beginning of the week to the end of the week. See what changes you can notice, whether they are subtle or obvious.

Have you ever hit a wall with your:

• -workout routine
• -spiritual rituals
• -foods you eat
• -and others?

Me too!

Recently, I found myself in a rut when it comes to moving my body, feeding myself nutritious foods, and even my spiritual practices.

I have come out of the other side and wanted to share some things you could try if you are struggling in this way, too.

Things To Try When You Are Feeling Uninspired

1. First, just allow yourself to be in this rut. It won’t last forever, and the harder you are on yourself, the worse it will feel. Try to ride it out before problem solving.     
2. Ask Tik Tok
   • Really! I have been wanting to try some new foods, so I went to Tik Tok and searched hashtags I wanted to learn more about. I am personally interested in adding more smoothies to my diet, but you could search for anything! Once you figure out what you are wanting to find, type the terms into the “search” box. You’ll be amazed at how many videos with step by step guides come up.
3. Tell a friend
   • Support from loved ones is so important when we’re in a funk. Reaching out and telling someone who we know cares about us will help us to feel like we’re not alone. They might also come up with some ingenius ideas for you to try.
4. Show yourself some compassion
   • Reminding yourself that all people struggle from time to time can do so much for your mental health. No one is in this alone. Check out Insight Timer for some great meditations on self care and self compassion, like this one.
5. Take on small step toward your goals
   • Even doing something like visualizing yourself completing the task that has been on your list can help nudge you toward achieving it. Do one little thing to bring you closer. For instance, if moving your body is something that has felt very uninspiring, close your eyes and see yourself moving in a way that is fun. Then, take a small step toward that goal, like putting your running shoes on. See if you then feel like going for a walk. If not, no pressure. Try again tomorrow.

I hope these ideas sparked some hope for you to be able to take an uninspiring moment in time and help yourself through it.

Healing doesn’t come in a one size fits all approach.

Knowing yourself on a deep level can help reveal what the solution to your pain is.

I am grateful to know some of the ways that I can fill my cup and feel truly replenished.

And, I was lucky enough to be able to indulge in one of those ways earlier this month: solo travel.

I went to the Omni Homestead Resort in Hot Springs, VA, and it was just what I needed to come back home, clear and ready to serve my clients.

I knew I wanted time in the spa, so I booked a few services for myself. Additionally, I wanted to take advantage of the hot springs on the grounds. Gratefully, when spa services are used, using the hot springs is included in that price. There were so many ways for me to get what I needed there.

For me, it is necessary to slow down to speed up in order to gain clarity and figure out where I’m going, what I want, what I am committed to, and importantly, what to release so I don’t feel held back or held down.

But, something unexpected happened the first day.

Judgement time!

I was judging myself and the process when I arrived, thinking “who am I to be here?” “Who the f** do I think I am to stay here?” And it went on like that for about 1 day.

When I noticed myself doing this, I had to ask myself if it was worth it. I had planned this trip, made the space in my calendar, and I was finally there! I realized I was robbing myself of the experience by being so harsh in my mental space.

It was important to me that I allow myself to receive this gift from my past self, who set this all up for me.

I knew I had to learn to trust myself.

So, I decided to get clear.

I pulled myself oracle cards, and read the messages. Exploring the property and indulging in food were also activities that helped to ground me. Conversation with strangers who became new friends was a life saver. And, of course, soaking in the hot springs was what this trip was all about.

On this trip, I realized I am worthy and I can take care of myself.

It is all of our jobs to take responsibility for our feelings so we can have a fruitful life.

While it took me being on a vacation to have this opportunity to practice this lesson, it can happen literally anywhere at any time.

What is one lesson you are trying to pull from a life circumstance? Let me know in the comments or send me an email at elise@elisekindya.com