Author: Elise Kindya

  • The Power of EMDR

    The Power of EMDR

     

    Healing from trauma sometimes seems impossible, but with new developments in neuroscience over the last 15 years, it is more possible than ever. Join me on this episode all about one of my favorite therapy modalities, EMDR. EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing” and it’s a revolutionary technique that can help you to finally feel relief from trauma. In this episode, I explain a bit about how it works and why it works, as well as share some stories about my experiences both administering EMDR and receiving EMDR. You will learn so much about how trauma is stored in the body, how to metabolize it, and how to move forward with more peace and freedom.

    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

    1. Connect how trauma lives in the body and how to process it using both the mind and the body.
    2. Understand more about how EMDR works.
    3. Feel inspired that healing is possible.

    Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [04:54] What is EMDR?

    • EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing”.
    • This modality was adapted from a 1950s modality, systematic desensitization therapy that used progressive muscle relaxation, and instead uses bilateral stimulation with eye movements as well as other stimulation- sound tones and tactile stimulation of touching or tapping.
    • Bringing both sides of the brain online to witness a traumatic memory.

    [06:38] What is trauma?

    • Trauma is a negatively activating experience where we are overwhelmed by a threat and we are unable to successfully defend ourselves.
    • In humans, we tend to get stuck in our trauma psychologically when we aren’t able to close the traumatic stress response.
    • See the book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky to learn more about getting unstuck from stress.
    • EMDR helps us get the trauma unstuck from our bodies.
    • PTSD: Post traumatic stress disorder and CPTSD- Complex PTSD.
    • Adverse Childhood Experiences Study.

    [09:01] Trauma happens first in the body- even psychological trauma.

    • The body disconnects the higher-level thinking brain when we experience trauma.
    • We need the energy in our limbs to fight or run away from threat.
    • Trauma gets stuck in our body at this point.
    • Human make meaning of our experiences- and so when trauma gets stuck, we make it mean something about ourselves.
    • EMDR guides clients to go back into the memory- usually the first and worst- and bringing the higher level/left side of the brain into the memory, usually gaining a new perspective on the memory.

    [11:58] Bringing all of you into the memory

    • The analytical part of the brain is seeing this memory for the first time.
    • After trauma, you might over analyze and wonder what we could have done differently. As humans, we make it mean something about us – even when it wasn’t our fault.
    • EMDR can stop these intrusive thoughts.
    • When you can see this memory more logically and objectively it helps you realize that the traumatic event that happened was out of your control.

    [15:24] Tools to use in EMDR

    • Often times, you needed protection from the trauma or nurturing after the trauma so that the impact would not have been as great.
    • I help clients develop Protective Figures and Nurturing Figures into sessions to reprocess the memory.
    • I see this as powerful inner child work.
    • You deserve care and love, and EMDR provides the opportunity for a rebirth.

    [18:14] Talk therapy and EMDR

    • We use the left side of the brain in talk therapy.
    • The trauma is stored in the right side of the brain and in the body, which talk therapy doesn’t usually touch.
    • EMDR brings both sides of the brain to see the memory and actually can do something with it.
    • We can liberate and free ourselves when we do EMDR.
    • Regain access to parts of yourself that felt inaccessible.

    [20:16] There is no time machine

    • No type of therapy can rewind time and change your life experiences.
    • What we can do is to use tools today to help you feel better about yourself, and increase your self worth to help you live your life differently going forward.

    [21:02] Things To Consider When Doing EMDR

    • Important to do EMDR with other practices and with a trained therapist.
    • Therapists can screen clients to make sure that they are appropriate for this type of work.
    • People on TikTok are saying that they have given themselves EMDR- which I would not recommend.
    • Sometimes slow is fast- working with a professional can help you get there the “right” way.
    • Trauma makes us feel hyper independent and it’s actually healing to be in community when healing.

    [25:48] Closing Thoughts

    • Our brains have neuroplasticity and mirror neurons- which helps our brain change.
    • When we are intentional and willing to practice, we can change.
    • EMDR helps you maximize the potential of your brain.

    Enjoyed this Episode?

    If you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure to subscribe and share it!

    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself. 

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com. 

    Thank you so much for listening! For more episode updates, visit my website.

  • Staying Sober: What It Means To Me

    Staying Sober: What It Means To Me

    What does sobriety mean to you? We each get to choose what our relationship to the substances we consume is. In this latest episode of Returning Home: The Podcast, Elise talks more in depth about consuming substances- alcohol and others- and what this means for her life. She shares stories from her days of drinking and how it’s been easy for her to make a new choice in her life. She also shares stories about her new perspective as a sober person. Elise will encourage you to reflect on your own identity, your values, the balance you have struck in your life, and hopefully you’ll share a few laughs along the way.

    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

    1. Learn how you can align your identity with your actions.
    2. Discover the secret to staying sober.
    3. Hear some stories from my life that might help shed light onto the relationship you have with alcohol.

    Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [03:05] Things that make it easy for me to stay sober

    • Thinking about how alcohol kills brain cells.
    • Identifying as a sober person at the basic identity level.

    [05:32] I had hit a rock bottom moment while drinking that made me choose

    • Hitting a rock bottom moment while drinking that made me come face to face with other parts of my identity.
    • I had to choose between being a drinker and being kind, mindful, and thoughtful.

    [07:49] Grateful that I will never have another alcohol-induced rock bottom moment

    • I can be fully awake to my life.
    • If I have a bad day, it’s ok. I know how to take care of myself through that.
    • Alcohol seems to have worse negative effects that make it easy to continue to not consume it.

    [09:31] The hardest part about staying sober

    • The choice has been made at an identity level so it isn’t a choice for me at this point.
    • For people struggling to stay sober from alcohol, I encourage you to ask yourself what it is about this substance that is calling to you, how do you identify yourself, and what is in your environment that encourages drinking alcohol.
    • I miss some types of alcohol that taste good- like pina coladas.
    • I like things that taste good and make me feel good- that is one of my values.
    • Going to happy hour used to be a fun activity for socializing with friends.

    [14:18] My Secret To Staying Sober

    • Reaching out to people I knew were sober and getting that support was really important.
    • I didn’t work in a culture that encouraged Zoom happy hours.
    • My living environment was supportive of staying sober.
    • Identifying as a sober person has been my secret to staying sober.

    [16:43] Psychedelic Journey

    • Staying in integrity, I have done a psychedelic journey.
    • The purpose of this journey was to connect more closely to my truth and authenticity.
    • Being under the influence of alcohol was for a different purpose than using psychedelics.
    • Helps to stop overthinking.

    [21:32] Returning Home: Coming Back To Your True Nature

    • Getting in touch with your truth and authenticity is easier without alcohol.
    • How would your life be different if you were honest with yourself?
    • Drinking does not help calm anxiety. It’s not a good “self medication” option.

    [22:53] Things To Consider On Your Sobriety Journey

    • Welcome to the party!
    • What do you want your life to be?
    • Is alcohol something you want in your life? How much space and energy does alcohol take up? Are you ok with that harmony and balance you’ve struck?
    • What are your values?
    • What is the result you are getting from consuming alcohol?
    • You have the power and control in your life to make a change if you want to.

    Enjoyed this Episode?

    If you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure to subscribe and share it!

    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself. 

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com. 

    Thank you so much for listening! For more episode updates, visit my website.

  • The Sacred Pause

    The Sacred Pause

     

    Sometimes, winter can last a whole year. In this episode, Elise returns to Returning Home: The Podcast after an almost year-long hiatus. In it, she discusses where she went in 2022 and what lessons she learned along the way. If you’re looking for insight into why it’s ok to take a sacred pause, what to do when you’re feeling burned out or how to be present in your life, you will want to listen to this episode.

    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

    1. Learn how you can align your identity with your actions.
    2. Discover the secret to being in the present moment.
    3. Feel into how you can be the main character in your own life.

    Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [01:28] Going Inward to Recharge

    • 2022 was a year-long winter.
    • Back from a year away from podcasting.
    • Lessons learned from taking a break.
    • More movement can happen after taking a retreat away from work.

    [02:33] Staying Sober for Another Year

    • People are wanting to hear more about sobriety from me.
    • This habit is replaced with other habits.
    • Having the clarity to see that other habits like eating sweets might need to be addressed.
    • Identifying myself as a non-drinker on a subconscious level makes not drinking easier.
    • I’m not involving decision fatigue in not drinking.
    • Mindset work has made staying sober from alcohol easier.

    [07:35] Cross Country Road Trip

    • Had some “dark nights of the soul” moments on my trip.
    • Rethink your routines, identity, and allow yourself to do something a little different.
    • Let yourself evolve by doing something that scares you.
    • Asking myself- what am I waiting for? The present moment is the only thing that matters.
    • It’s your responsibility to make your life what you want it to be.
    • How you think about yourself and how you want to live your life affects the quality of your life.
    • Wherever you go there you are. You can’t actually escape yourself.

    [12:52] Healing in 2022

    • Some healing modalities I employed were therapy, massage, Reiki, chiropractor, sauna, floatation therapy and more.
    • Aligning the body, mind and spirit to be the best version of myself.
    • The human experience necessitates the body.
    • Returning Home to having a body and enjoying the ride.
    • Immersing myself in love for myself- what does that feel like?
    • Teaching Breathwork classes at Bod Wellness Collective and TAOU Studio.
    • 2 retreats this year: one with my therapist and one weekend long silent retreat.

    [19:06] Friend Breakups

    • 2022 saw the breakdown of community for me.
    • If you’ve ever been through a friend breakup, you know how they can consume our mental space.
    • This caused me to pull away a lot last year.
    • Also had worked with a business coach that was not a good experience and sent me into a withdrawal mode of 2022.

    [21:09] Feeling Better

    • On this side of things in 2023, I am feeling a lot better about the experiences I had last year.
    • Knowing that other people can relate to feeling disappointed or betrayed by people is comforting.
    • Non-attachment can help us make these situations feel better to us.
    • People are the main characters in their own lives and they get to choose how they show up.

    [22:50] Energy Protection

    • Protecting myself from my own negative thoughts has been necessary.
    • I don’t have control over what other people choose to do or not do.
    • I can focus my energy on my life and what I can do to make my life better.
    • Thank you to my friend Ashley who inspired me to get back to the podcast!
    • We have to be the main character in our own life- other people can’t be the main character in our lives.
    • Quieting the outside noise and focusing on yourself can help you figure out what’s yours to do.

    [25:29] Exciting Things in 2023

    • My partner and I got engaged on our cross country roadtrip home!
    • Published a journal on Amazon (get yours here!)
    • The podcast coming back.
    • I started taking voice lessons.
    • Figuring out my work to do.

    [26:24] It’s Ok To Change

    • I usually have a hard time letting myself change.
    • Realizing it is ok to change, even in front of other people.
    • We get to make up our own rules.
    • You don’t have to wait until things feel perfect to show up and take action.
    • Give yourself and other people permission to not be perfect. Your definition of perfection might even change.
    • You can know who you are and be flexible at the same time.

    [29:17] Return Home To Yourself, Enjoy Being You

    • The world will be a better place if you have compassion for yourself and be your true self.
    • In Internal Family Systems, they call it being Self-led. Being your true authentic self.
    • I want to be part of the movement to help people feel like they can be Self-Led.

    Enjoyed this Episode?

    If you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure to subscribe and share it!

    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself.

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com.

    Thank you so much for listening! For more episode updates, visit my website.