Tag: podcast

  • Giving and Taking From a Place of Love: A Conversation with Britt Stauduhar

    Giving and Taking From a Place of Love: A Conversation with Britt Stauduhar

    On episode 21 of Returning Home: The Podcast, meet Britt Stauduhar. They are a multi-passionate entrepreneur leading the way in Richmond’s health, fitness, nutrition and lifestyle scene. Britt is a queer athlete & entrepreneur that has been working full time helping others uncover their strengths for the past 3 years. They qualified for IPL World’s in 2021 as a National level powerlifter and less than a year later they co-founded RVA’s first queer owned gym. They’ve since married their wife Kade Stauduhar, a highly credited VFX editor in TV & film and together they raise 6 cats as well as their creative company: STAUDZ. We had a really enlightening conversation that covered so many things- taking care of yourself so you can show up to other spaces and be your best for others, putting in the WERK, and shining light in dark spaces.

    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

    1. Hear more about Britt’s journey from college dropout to successful business owner.
    2. Learn how you can truly live the life of your dreams if you stay true to yourself- which also means letting yourself evolve!
    3. Be the first to hear about a fun project that Britt and I may do together (you have to listen to the end to learn about it!)

    Resources

     

    Enjoyed this Episode?

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    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself. 

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com. 

    Thank you so much for listening! For more episode updates, visit my website.

    Transcript:

    EK

    00:00:03.00

    I love that so much.

    00:00:04.40

    I love that you have that.

    BS

    00:00:05.60

    I do too.

    00:00:06.48

    I feel like that’s like another thing that like helps me be in a position where like you leave our sessions feeling good.

    00:00:12.36

    Like I just feel like I have like so much, like love and like assuredness and like audacity to like offer people.

    00:00:20.40

    Like, I’m like, I’m just spewing it, you know?

    00:00:23.28

    Like I am just like giving off the energy that I’m like living in and I’m living in like a really good place.

    EK

    00:00:32.12

    Welcome to returning home the podcast.

    00:00:35.16

    My name is Elise Kindia and I am a trauma informed and intuitive therapist.

    00:00:40.60

    This podcast is a space that I have created for you to discover a deeper understanding and love for yourself, which leads to expanding what you think is possible in your own life.

    00:00:52.44

    My goal is for you to feel excited to live your life as your full, authentic self.

    00:00:58.20

    By listening to these episodes you will learn things like how your brain works, my favorite resources for healing, stories from my own life, practices that you can press play on to add to your healing tool kit, and so much more.

    00:01:13.20

    I invite you to return home to yourself in big and small ways to live the life you desire on your terms.

    00:01:20.40

    You can live connected, empowered, and aligned.

    00:01:23.76

    When you return home to yourself, anything is possible.

    00:01:27.72

    I can’t wait to share all of my insights with you.

    00:01:30.64

    Now let’s begin.

    00:01:37.74

    Hello and welcome back to returning home the podcast.

    00:01:41.38

    This is your host Elise Kindya.

    00:01:43.46

    And today I have a very special interview for you with my personal weightlifting and fitness and nutrition coach Britt Stauduhar.

    00:01:52.52

    And a little bit about Britt is that they are a queer athlete and entrepreneur that has been working full time helping others uncover their strengths for the past three years.

    00:02:03.36

    They qualified for IPL Worlds in 2021 as a national level powerlifter and less than a year later they Co founded RVA’s first queer owned gym.

    00:02:14.88

    They’ve since married their wife Kade Stauduhar, a highly credited VFX editor in TV and film and together they raised 6 cats as well as their creative company Staudz.

    00:02:29.00

    I can’t wait for you to hear all about what Britt’s been up to and their story and just everything that they have going on.

    00:02:39.00

    We had a really fun conversation for like over an hour, so I hope that you have some time to listen to this episode.

    00:02:46.76

    And yeah, enjoy.

    BS

    00:02:49.40

    My God.

    00:02:49.68

    Hey, everyone.

    00:02:52.36

    Hello.

    EK

    00:02:56.52

    The best guest is in my office right now.

    BS

    00:02:59.40

    Oh my God, it’s me.

    EK

    00:03:02.00

    Britt Stauduhar.

    00:03:04.08

    Is that right?

    00:03:04.60

    Shit, you said it.

    00:03:05.92

    Yeah, Britt is an awesome.

    00:03:10.96

    Well, so many things.

    00:03:12.08

    But I met Britt through personal training, through Anita and like just that network of people that was working with you.

    00:03:22.52

    And I know we were like kind of connected on social media.

    BS

    00:03:24.88

    Yeah, I was following you for a hot minute.

    00:03:27.52

    Honestly, I was a fan.

    00:03:28.56

    Like, I was like, whenever I saw you had filled out the form, I like literally was like, hello, hey, it’s me.

    00:03:38.68

    Or you had like DMed or something.

    00:03:40.04

    I don’t know how, whatever point of contact you made, I immediately was like, like, I was just so excited.

    00:03:45.32

    Oh.

    EK

    00:03:45.68

    My gosh, it’s it’s.

    00:03:46.92

    It had been building for me for like a while.

    00:03:49.20

    I had really wanted to work with you, but I was like, I don’t know, I felt I I felt really intimidated.

    00:03:54.96

    We were.

    00:03:55.20

    So before I pressed record on this, we were just talking about how it can be so intimidating to walk into the gym and as like a female bodied person.

    00:04:05.08

    And as someone who, you know, I had a really good time during quarantine, you could say in the Kroger pastry aisle, like all the cake slices that they just started miraculously showing up.

    00:04:17.52

    I was like yeah, I do need 2 slices of cake for no reason anyway.

    BS

    00:04:20.96

    And who’s asking?

    EK

    00:04:22.28

    Getting sober during quarantine was really fun for my waistline, is what I’m trying to say anyways.

    00:04:29.88

    I was really intimidated to.

    00:04:33.68

    I walk in the gym.

    00:04:34.88

    I mean, I was going and doing things.

    00:04:36.64

    And I did work with a trainer at Crunch for a while and that was, I mean, he would just have me doing things.

    00:04:44.00

    And I was like, I’m, I would just, like stop doing it.

    00:04:46.40

    I was like, I’m not doing this.

    00:04:47.72

    Like, can you just have me do something like totally normal, like lift weights?

    00:04:51.04

    He wanted me to, like, jump on a Bosu ball or something.

    00:04:54.56

    I was like, I’m not gonna do that, bro.

    BS

    00:04:57.04

    Anyways, he’s like, here, let’s do some jumping jacks.

    00:05:01.60

    Flip over.

    00:05:03.32

    We use this thing.

    EK

    00:05:04.20

    I’m like, I don’t know.

    00:05:05.20

    I can’t contort myself in this way.

    00:05:06.88

    Can I just, like, lift a weight?

    00:05:08.20

    Like that would be so chill.

    00:05:10.16

    But yeah, I I’ve been really wanting to work with you for a while and I don’t know what it was that I could go back and look at the DMS.

    00:05:19.12

    But that just got me to like, let me just reach out to Britt.

    00:05:22.24

    Yeah, yeah.

    00:05:23.44

    So, you know, I see you of course, like all the training that you do, but you do so many other things.

    00:05:30.96

    And so I just want to open it up to you to say like, what is it that you would want to share with the audienceaudience

    BS

    00:05:39.12

    I feel like this is the hardest.

    00:05:41.32

    Like lately, you know, the holidays just happened and I feel like you’re meeting new people and like all the time, you know, people are introducing themselves and they’re like, well, what do you do?

    00:05:49.12

    And I’m like.

    EK

    00:05:50.20

    100,000 things.

    BS

    00:05:51.72

    How do I?

    00:05:52.16

    I’m like, I don’t know.

    00:05:53.40

    Like, I really, I feel like it’s something I’m hoping to kind of like, I don’t know, fall into my identity as a professional more fluidly this year.

    00:06:03.40

    But it could also be.

    EK

    00:06:04.32

    Things that aren’t just your profession, like what are you?

    BS

    00:06:06.72

    Yeah.

    EK

    00:06:07.12

    What are some of your strengths?

    00:06:08.16

    What do you like about yourself, God?

    BS

    00:06:09.60

    Well, don’t get me started there.

    EK

    00:06:12.48

    The hair flip.

    BS

    00:06:13.08

    I’m a bad bitch, first and foremost.

    EK

    00:06:15.24

    Number one.

    BS

    00:06:15.88

    No.

    00:06:16.24

    Yeah.

    00:06:16.68

    No.

    00:06:16.96

    I think that like, I guess I don’t know if I were to like sum myself up.

    00:06:22.04

    I’m like, I’m a coach and I’m a creative and I definitely have like forged a life for myself that exists outside of literally any sort of authority or box, like working for myself, you know, full time for the last three years in a in a non.

    00:06:38.84

    Really.

    00:06:39.20

    Like, what’s the word?

    00:06:41.96

    I don’t even know.

    EK

    00:06:42.60

    Hierarchical.

    BS

    00:06:43.36

    Yeah.

    00:06:43.72

    Like my industry doesn’t have any checks and balances, truly, other than the people that I’m working for.

    00:06:48.12

    Right?

    00:06:48.44

    So it’s like I don’t really have anybody coming and checking.

    00:06:50.72

    Like there’s no HIPAA laws.

    00:06:51.88

    There’s no-

    00:06:53.04

    You know, like there’s nothing really governing me other than like myself and like the people that I’m working.

    EK

    00:06:59.28

    For is that true?

    00:07:00.24

    Like for all fitness coaches like they.

    BS

    00:07:02.88

    Yeah, I think it depends on whether you’re self-employed or not to like.

    00:07:05.80

    For example, I worked at Orangetheory for a hot minute and there was like rules and guidelines to the way I was allowed to present myself on social media.

    00:07:12.04

    Because you’re, you know, at the end of the day upholding like, their image also, right?

    00:07:16.40

    Like you can’t be, you know, employed by somebody and then go and be like, I’m smoking weed and I’m also a slut and I love it.

    00:07:23.96

    And like, you know, all of that stuff because obviously, like, your boss is going to be like, hey, like this is like a bad image, you know?

    EK

    00:07:30.36

    Yeah, that makes sense.

    BS

    00:07:31.76

    So I think that anybody in the fitness industry who’s just like you know, not to say just a but you know certified personal trainer is like not necessarily like a hard you know certificate to like get like you know you have to study for it and all that stuff.

    00:07:47.04

    But I think at the end of the day, you know, most credibility in personal trainers comes from like, their experience and like what they’ve done in the fitness industry or like how they handle things with clients.

    00:07:56.64

    Because, I mean, the first time I ever got my CPT was like, from an LA Fitness when I was 18.

    00:08:02.24

    And I did nothing with it for literally like 4 years.

    EK

    00:08:05.08

    Oh wow.

    BS

    00:08:06.28

    And then I had to, like, go back and get, like, recertified whenever I was becoming a coach at Orangetheory because it had lapsed.

    00:08:12.28

    But it was like, you can get a piece of paper, but like, what are you doing with it?

    00:08:16.48

    And at the time, I had no platform.

    00:08:18.40

    I didn’t have the confidence to like, I don’t know, take on clients out of gym.

    00:08:23.88

    Like I think I almost did it for myself like whenever I was like younger and just like wanted to like learn.

    00:08:30.60

    So I don’t know.

    00:08:31.56

    Yeah.

    00:08:31.92

    But all that to say, I feel like the space that I have right now where like, I really just, you know, work for myself full time and I don’t have like a governing body is just like, it’s created a really expansive space for like myself.

    00:08:46.44

    And I think I share that with people.

    00:08:48.00

    Like, I think that that’s like the coolest part of everything is that, like, people like you were saying earlier, like, I feel like most of the people that I interact with, they’re like, oh, like this is different.

    00:08:58.24

    Or like, that’s a different, like, this is like a breath of fresh air.

    00:09:01.32

    Or this is like not how I thought that this, like, typically went Or like this is like a different take on this.

    00:09:05.96

    And it’s like, I’ve just been so far removed from like, you know, whatever.

    00:09:10.48

    That whole, like, mainstream society, like system and structure is for so long now that I’m like, yeah, I don’t know, this is what I’m doing though, like, yeah.

    EK

    00:09:19.56

    That’s so cool

    BS

    00:09:20.56

    Hop In I guess.

    EK

    00:09:21.80

    Yeah.

    00:09:22.48

    So yeah, I don’t know if I answered your question.

    00:09:25.56

    I just went off.

    00:09:26.40

    Sorry.

    00:09:26.84

    No, don’t say sorry.

    00:09:28.28

    That’s what this is like, the whole point.

    00:09:30.28

    This is what podcasting is like Long form.

    00:09:33.00

    Yeah.

    00:09:34.48

    But no, like that’s what we want to learn about is like how you got to where you’re at now.

    00:09:38.56

    And so and we had, you know, the, the title of this podcast being returning home.

    00:09:43.72

    Like my vision for that or what I what I put out there is like, yeah, you returning home to your true essence of who you were before.

    00:09:52.72

    Maybe all of this, like social like societal construct got put on us and like other people defining what we should and shouldn’t do.

    00:10:02.20

    Although I mean like and I tell this to my clients in our work too, It’s like that stuff that happened on your timeline in the past, like no amount of therapy will ever erase that.

    00:10:12.16

    So you’re like returning home.

    00:10:13.88

    It’s like returning back to that person you were before but with all of the knowledge that you gained in having to have gone through all the tribulations and trials that you went through.

    00:10:23.92

    But so you’re you’re redefining what it means to be a personal trainer to you.

    00:10:31.00

    You’re, you know, returning home to who is Britt?

    00:10:35.20

    Like, what is it that you offer out into the world?

    00:10:39.64

    Like what is it that like turns you on to like exist as?

    BS

    00:10:44.28

    I think that’s so, so, so, so, like important.

    00:10:47.36

    Like, I feel like I, you know, knew what your podcast was and I knew, like the returning home bit.

    00:10:52.28

    But I feel like the way you just worded it of like, returning home.

    00:10:56.36

    But like, with everything that you’ve learned over time and, like, really like returning home to, like, who you choose to be rather than, like returning home to, like who you were, ’cause like, I don’t ever want to return home to, like, you know, being, like addicted to, like Xanax or cocaine at like 19 or like, you know, like you don’t.

    00:11:16.36

    There’s like, so many things that like, I don’t know, but I’ve been watching Pixar movies a lot lately.

    00:11:22.04

    And like, I feel like there’s so many things that I have been doing lately that I’ve been very like.

    EK

    00:11:26.52

    So it’s like feeding your inner child, Yeah, yeah.

    BS

    00:11:28.88

    Where you, like, really kind of you sit back and you’re like, damn, like this is like what that is.

    00:11:33.60

    You know, like the feeling.

    EK

    00:11:34.88

    Actual place to feel like.

    00:11:36.88

    I feel genuine joy doing this as opposed to like.

    BS

    00:11:39.56

    Yeah, I’m just doing it, ’cause I’m six or like whatever.

    EK

    00:11:42.64

    Because I’m not allowed to watch Terminator.

    BS

    00:11:44.04

    Yeah, I can’t watch MTV.

    00:11:46.84

    So we’re watching the Land Before Time.

    00:11:48.80

    But like, no, like, now I want to.

    00:11:50.40

    But no, I think it’s really cool to, like, return home to yourself intentionally.

    EK

    00:11:54.20

    Yeah.

    00:11:54.68

    Exactly.

    BS

    00:11:55.52

    And like with all of that knowledge, right?

    00:12:00.28

    I love that.

    EK

    00:12:01.04

    Yeah, right.

    00:12:02.56

    Well, and then the name of it came about like, because, you know, I got sober and yeah, I yeah, it’s like, damn, I really was like, and not to say that I am right now the person that I was when I was like before I was really struggling with drinking and stuff like that, but because of course, like, I’m 37, I’m not 24.

    00:12:27.92

    Like I I’ve had a lot more life experiences.

    00:12:32.24

    But like, you were just saying, like, yeah, I’m watching this movie from that I would have watched back then, but I it’s ’cause like as this version of myself.

    00:12:40.68

    Like, I’m genuinely enjoying that, doing things today that I genuinely wanna be doing.

    BS

    00:12:45.52

    Yeah.

    EK

    00:12:46.00

    So yeah, like how would you say or how would you describe your journey to like this kind of iteration of yourself that you feel like you live as your like full self out in the world?

    BS

    00:12:57.36

    Yeah, I think that is.

    EK

    00:13:00.76

    Like, it’s a really long story?

    00:13:01.72

    Probably, yeah.

    BS

    00:13:02.92

    I’m and I don’t wanna like I’ll try and TLDR it but I think that you know like literally I graduated high school and went to college and I picked up the college for a boy at the time and what college was it?

    00:13:18.56

    It was Radford University.

    EK

    00:13:20.04

    Oh my God.

    00:13:20.48

    I’ve.

    00:13:20.76

    Been hearing so many bad.

    00:13:22.00

    Stories about Radford.

    BS

    00:13:23.00

    I partied my way out the first semester.

    00:13:25.44

    Like, I literally did not.

    00:13:28.00

    Like, I couldn’t.

    00:13:28.60

    I was, I had, no offense mom and dad, but like, I was so not fucking ready to go to college.

    00:13:33.40

    Like, I have no idea why.

    00:13:34.56

    The fuck they were like, come on.

    00:13:37.24

    I got there and was like, what do you want me to do?

    00:13:39.40

    Like what the fuck?

    00:13:40.04

    I have like debilitating ADHD in an eating disorder.

    00:13:42.56

    I was literally just like getting high, shoving my face like the food hall.

    00:13:46.44

    Are you kidding?

    00:13:47.12

    Like, I was just like going off.

    00:13:49.52

    I gained like 40 lbs in like, what?

    00:13:52.92

    What’s the semester?

    00:13:53.60

    Like, 5 months?

    00:13:54.36

    I got even, like it was like literally, like crazy.

    00:13:57.40

    And then of course, like, I mean, I got there and I was just like a young little thing.

    00:14:00.08

    And then I like, let, like people were like bullying me because I was like, you know, chubbier.

    00:14:03.28

    And it was just like, it was a really bad time.

    00:14:06.12

    It was really bad.

    00:14:07.52

    But whenever I went home, my parents aren’t together.

    00:14:10.60

    Like, super long story there, too.

    00:14:11.80

    But I ended up not living with either of my parents because they were kind of like, well, you failed out of college, so now you need to figure out what you’re gonna do.

    EK

    00:14:20.20

    That’s such an interesting.

    00:14:21.88

    That’s the that’s the consequence for that.

    00:14:24.28

    Do you like I actually need like so much nurturing and no, literally.

    00:14:27.88

    Yeah.

    00:14:28.80

    But no, go live on your own.

    00:14:30.20

    So like.

    BS

    00:14:30.56

    You were supposed to be gone and not in my like hair anymore and now you’re back and you need things this.

    EK

    00:14:36.20

    Is now like bad for me.

    BS

    00:14:37.68

    No, exactly.

    00:14:39.24

    Crazy.

    EK

    00:14:39.84

    This isn’t what you actually need.

    BS

    00:14:41.44

    No it was it was wild.

    00:14:43.28

    But then I like honestly, it’s like as much as I like look back on it and I’m like that was like so fucked up and I don’t have a great relationship with my parents or my family.

    00:14:51.48

    I’m very independent from them.

    00:14:53.96

    But I do think that like, I think it was awful and there was a lot of trauma from like, you know, I literally moved I think like 10 times over the course of like five years.

    00:15:03.56

    Like it was like sublease, sublease, rent A room.

    00:15:06.16

    Like, you know, bad things happened here and there.

    00:15:08.16

    It was just like a lot.

    00:15:10.12

    But I I will say like, I really think that like, that is what makes me like the person that I am.

    00:15:15.96

    As far as just like, I just do like what I want.

    00:15:20.16

    Like when I want something, I’m like cool.

    00:15:22.16

    Like what actions do I need to like take to get there And then I fucking execute them.

    00:15:25.88

    Like, I feel like being on my own and like really having to like kind of create my own life from that point was like everything that’s led me here.

    00:15:33.20

    So like super big picture, it was like, OK, yeah, that I got kicked out.

    00:15:36.72

    I like worked at Starbucks.

    00:15:37.84

    I, like, got my first serving job.

    00:15:39.88

    Then I like, I don’t know, got another serving job.

    00:15:43.20

    Then I became a bartender.

    00:15:44.24

    And then I was like literally the youngest manager in the company that I was working for at the time called Burtons.

    00:15:49.68

    I was 21 and I started managing because I was just so good at serving and so good with people.

    00:15:53.20

    And they were like, you should, you know, like do this.

    00:15:56.44

    So I learned a lot about, like, honestly, my business during that time.

    00:16:00.20

    Like because I was like, you know, like closing out the like running through all the money and like, doing accounting.

    00:16:05.44

    And like, I learned a lot doing that role.

    00:16:08.44

    But then I hated it, ’cause it was like, I thought 55K.

    00:16:11.24

    Like, I was like, Oh my God, I am 21.

    00:16:13.16

    This is crazy.

    EK

    00:16:13.88

    I mean that is crazy for 20.

    BS

    00:16:15.60

    One no it is.

    00:16:16.52

    But I first of all I was living in Nova so it didn’t go as far, but like I was like as a server, like whenever I got my paycheck, my first paycheck I will never forget.

    00:16:23.48

    It was like 1475 for like 2 weeks and I was like, no, no, no, like 1000, like $1400.00.

    00:16:31.80

    But like I was used to, I mean it was a really nice restaurant and I was used to working full time as a server.

    00:16:37.56

    So like I would make that in a week sometimes like it was just like crazy and I had to claim my like, you know, like there was just like so much cash I was like used to seeing and then to just have like this limiting thing where it was like there is no way I can’t pick up a shift and make more like I’m like I’m working X Mountain salary.

    00:16:53.56

    Yeah.

    00:16:54.72

    Anyways, went back to serving, went back to bartending, decided that I wanted to get serious about my own fitness, and then I think I was 23.

    00:17:03.36

    I started working at the front desk at Orange Theory.

    00:17:06.32

    So I was working two jobs.

    00:17:07.28

    I was working out Orange Theory and I was serving in bartending.

    00:17:10.64

    And then I like expressed interest in becoming a coach.

    00:17:13.40

    So like about six months later I started going through their training process and would would literally be at the bar until 12:00 AM and then wake up at 4:00 AM to go like coach the morning classes for a while.

    00:17:26.08

    What?

    00:17:26.24

    Yeah, and that was what I did up until the Pandemic.

    00:17:28.88

    And then the Pandemic shut down and everything and I got so bored.

    00:17:33.36

    And that was where I birthed my first business, Brits Buff Bakery.

    00:17:37.56

    So I was pretty bored and I just like came up with all these protein infused recipes with coconut flour.

    00:17:42.40

    So it was like gluten free, like all this stuff.

    00:17:45.36

    I mean, I literally was selling out every week, ’cause I had like so many people that were following me from like Orangetheory and interested in fitness.

    00:17:52.00

    So they’re like like protein treat like.

    EK

    00:17:55.68

    Let’s go, yeah.

    BS

    00:17:57.88

    And I was like actually engaged to a man at the time who was awful.

    00:18:03.08

    And during that time when I like really could have used like a partner to kind of like step up and help me, he was just playing video games the whole time.

    00:18:09.68

    And I was working like, I mean, almost damn near nonstop towards the end of it.

    00:18:14.28

    And I got to a point where I was like lesbian TikTok creeped in.

    00:18:17.56

    And my, like life satisfaction was like down.

    00:18:20.56

    And I knew I loved the entrepreneur side of like developing the business and creating the website and like, I just can’t even honestly I look back and like how did I do that?

    00:18:28.36

    Yeah, like I have no idea how I did that.

    00:18:30.40

    But anyways, I like closed shop, literally dropped everything, like made him pay the break the lease fee and I literally, like on a credit card just moved to Richmond.

    EK

    00:18:39.16

    Whoa, yeah.

    BS

    00:18:40.20

    So like October of 2020, I found a sublease situation and this was like a shitty sublease situation because no other, like, official, like property management company was like you’re literally on a lease somewhere else and you don’t have any credit or money.

    00:18:54.88

    Why would we like lease you an apartment?

    00:18:57.00

    And I’m like, dog, I’m just trying to get out.

    00:18:58.64

    Yeah.

    EK

    00:18:59.04

    So I need a chance.

    BS

    00:19:00.68

    So literally I’m like, please.

    00:19:02.96

    And then I found this one like it was like a, you know, private landlord or whatever.

    00:19:06.76

    And the girl was like, looking for somebody to take over the room.

    00:19:11.16

    And it was a house with four other girls, which is actually where I met my best friend in the whole world, Meg.

    00:19:15.28

    But my God, I moved down here with like a U-Haul and like, all this shit.

    00:19:21.36

    And then why?

    EK

    00:19:22.04

    Richmond.

    BS

    00:19:23.48

    Because gay, I don’t know.

    00:19:24.40

    Like, I literally started thinking because I was like Avery, Cyrus, like TikTok, like the whole like, I just started being like because I always, I’ve always been by, like I’ve always been.

    00:19:34.12

    But I was like, I just don’t know if like this whole CIS man thing is like what I, like, really want right now.

    00:19:39.24

    And I wanted to explore that.

    00:19:40.44

    Like I just wanted to like leave Nova.

    00:19:43.16

    You know?

    00:19:43.72

    Like I was like this is not it?

    EK

    00:19:45.80

    Yeah.

    BS

    00:19:46.44

    So yeah.

    00:19:47.20

    Anyways, I got down here and I transferred down to Orangetheory.

    00:19:50.36

    But around that time I was really just feeling myself.

    00:19:52.80

    So I was like posting on Instagram and being a little bit more provocative and owning my new life.

    00:19:58.12

    And right after my 90 day eval which I literally passed with fine colors.

    00:20:04.68

    I was let go because I didn’t fit what they were looking for, which I had wait lists, dog.

    00:20:11.04

    Like I could show you the amount of DMS and shit I received from like the Midlow members that were like, why aren’t you on the schedule anymore?

    00:20:17.20

    Like, where are you going?

    00:20:17.96

    Like, everybody loved me.

    00:20:20.48

    But yeah, so after that, I literally did credit card sales for, like, I think I’d started the job and I was two weeks in and then I walked by tequila and deadlifts and was like, what is this?

    00:20:31.12

    Like, what is this place?

    00:20:32.12

    So I had like DM D them and was like, yeah, no, literally right there.

    00:20:37.68

    So I DM D them.

    00:20:38.24

    And I was like, hi.

    00:20:39.24

    Like my name is like, Britt blah, blah, blah.

    00:20:41.84

    Like, do you have any openings?

    00:20:43.68

    And they were like, oh, like this isn’t like a place like that.

    00:20:46.00

    Like everybody just pays their rent and runs their own business.

    00:20:47.92

    And I was like, what?

    00:20:50.08

    Like, I have like the chills right now.

    00:20:51.36

    Like I was like, I was like, are you kidding?

    00:20:53.68

    Like, I was like, that sounds like, so crazy.

    00:20:55.76

    Like I was like, that’s like all I’ve ever wanted.

    00:20:58.64

    So yeah, So I started working there in March.

    00:21:01.64

    I’m gonna be having a resistance in company.

    00:21:03.28

    three-year anniversary party this year on March 9th.

    00:21:05.52

    By the way, mark your calendar, ’cause you have to come.

    00:21:08.60

    But I started.

    EK

    00:21:09.44

    Wait, I’m gonna be coming back from Sedona?

    BS

    00:21:11.28

    That day I’m gonna cry.

    EK

    00:21:13.80

    OK, we have to figure out well.

    BS

    00:21:14.80

    We’ll do something out.

    00:21:15.48

    We’ll we’ll figure, we’ll figure something out.

    EK

    00:21:18.00

    Oh my God.

    00:21:18.48

    OK, so March 9th, 2021, Yeah.

    BS

    00:21:21.96

    So then I yeah, I was like, training there.

    00:21:25.92

    And then I went to Nationals that July.

    00:21:27.64

    Like, one of the first things I did for myself whenever I moved to Richmond was found a powerlifting gym.

    00:21:32.44

    Because during Pandemic, I had nothing else to like, we couldn’t go to Orangetheory.

    00:21:36.92

    So I was using my ex’s like barbells and stuff in the basement.

    00:21:39.48

    And that was like one of the first times I’d ever used the barbell.

    00:21:41.48

    And I was like, oh, I’m really strong.

    00:21:43.00

    Like I was like, this is kind of fun and coming really naturally for me.

    00:21:45.76

    Wow.

    00:21:46.48

    So I joined the weight room.

    00:21:48.00

    I moved down here, but all that just kind of apexed at the same time.

    00:21:50.56

    So like, as I was preparing for Nationals, like my books were filling up like as a personal trainer and I was, like, really sharing a lot on the Internet.

    00:21:58.00

    And then it just, like, kept going and, like, kept getting bigger.

    00:22:01.72

    And then Brandy, I was a part of Richmond Strong at the time, approached Richmond Strong, and I was like, hey, like, I’m thinking about opening my own gym.

    00:22:07.60

    I’m like, tired of all of this.

    00:22:08.68

    And I was like, Oh my God, same babe.

    00:22:10.88

    Like, let’s do it.

    00:22:11.96

    So that December was like, I was literally only at tequila and deadlifts from March to December.

    00:22:18.16

    And then Body Arc opened in January.

    00:22:20.48

    And then yeah, we opened Body Arc and then and.

    EK

    00:22:24.40

    That was two years ago.

    BS

    00:22:25.60

    Yeah.

    00:22:26.32

    Wow.

    00:22:26.76

    And then, like, Bing Bang Bop.

    00:22:28.12

    And now I’m just Here we are.

    00:22:29.64

    Yeah.

    00:22:30.84

    Bing Bang Bop.

    00:22:32.04

    No, it’s definitely, like, so fucking crazy sometimes.

    00:22:35.28

    Like, I feel like, I don’t know, like those little choices that you make.

    00:22:38.96

    Like, throughout life.

    00:22:40.84

    Like, I’m like, what if I hadn’t have chosen to, Like, what if I didn’t move to Richmond and I didn’t meet the love of my life and I’m not able to help like, hundreds of people?

    00:22:48.44

    Like, be a bad bitch.

    00:22:49.60

    Like, I’m just like, what if that didn’t happen?

    EK

    00:22:52.08

    Oh my gosh.

    00:22:53.08

    Well, that would be a parallel universe.

    BS

    00:22:54.72

    It’s just so crazy.

    EK

    00:22:55.88

    Yeah, but it did happen because you did make those decisions and you did make those choices.

    00:23:00.68

    Yeah.

    BS

    00:23:01.04

    Like, honestly, thanks mom and dad for kicking me out, because imagine if I was just called.

    00:23:05.56

    Like, I don’t know.

    00:23:06.40

    Who knows?

    EK

    00:23:07.08

    Right.

    00:23:07.64

    If you had just been OK.

    00:23:09.64

    Honey, come on.

    00:23:10.88

    Come home.

    00:23:12.04

    You’ll be OK.

    BS

    00:23:13.52

    Like I I might not have the same work ethic, you know?

    EK

    00:23:15.92

    I mean that’s true, you know and and that so it sounds like that’s something that you’re good at too is like looking at a bad situation and finding the silver lining like you said earlier I think whenever you.

    BS

    00:23:27.60

    Experience a lot of trauma, you know, like you end up getting to a place where you’re just like, well, I’ve got to get what I need out of this.

    00:23:35.16

    Like, you know, this bad thing happened to me or like this bad thing happened.

    00:23:38.64

    But it’s like, what can I control out of that happening to like really like, rectify that for myself to move forward and like, take something with me.

    00:23:48.12

    And I think that that’s definitely a powerful thing.

    EK

    00:23:52.20

    Yeah.

    00:23:52.60

    And and you know there that’s definitely a big piece of my work where you know all of my all of my clients pretty much have a trauma background and you know there’s not we we can’t like I have to walk kind of a fine line with that, right, where it’s like you know it it’s not a good thing that this happened to you, right.

    00:24:13.20

    Like that’s.

    BS

    00:24:14.04

    Terrible, but right?

    EK

    00:24:17.12

    Like you, you are here today.

    00:24:19.20

    Like that happened whenever that happened in the past on your timeline, but like you’re here today and you’re here getting therapy for it.

    00:24:27.64

    So like you’re making a lot of good choices for yourself already, right.

    00:24:30.52

    So yeah.

    00:24:32.48

    Like returning back to that strength that’s or and resilience that’s like in all of us as people giving ourselves credit for the things that we have done and like we the things you have had to live through for sure because yeah what what’s the fucking point if not too like cause and so to hear all of that being your story.

    00:24:56.04

    You know and and I’m like way on the outside of that looking in like that’s not something.

    00:25:01.48

    I mean not to say that like I look at every single person and I’m like I know their story Like I don’t of course.

    00:25:06.68

    But yeah like I guess I wouldn’t have imagined that like wow.

    00:25:12.08

    Yeah.

    00:25:12.76

    And like that’s really.

    00:25:15.80

    I just think it’s so cool that you decided like I I don’t like the life that is happening up here and like the things that are happening and I’m going to make my own life in my own way.

    00:25:28.64

    So you started powerlifting like really with with trainers at the weight room when you move down here?

    BS

    00:25:35.28

    Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    00:25:36.68

    Whenever I move down here, I literally like the first morning I woke up in Richmond Thursday, October 22nd, 2020.

    00:25:46.24

    I know, wow.

    00:25:47.72

    I it was just, it was just like such a like, I’ll never forget.

    00:25:51.48

    I literally like woke up and it was like loud as fuck.

    00:25:53.76

    I was living on Main Street right across some sticky rice and it was like, the cars are so loud, but like me and my little era, I was like, Oh my God, it sounds like the beach.

    00:26:01.68

    Like I’m like we’re in the city.

    00:26:03.68

    Like this is such a vibe.

    00:26:05.40

    And I like, yeah, I knew.

    EK

    00:26:06.36

    This kind of a vibe.

    BS

    00:26:07.16

    Yeah, I had my little like they do fundamentals at the weight room.

    00:26:11.00

    And I had a personal training session with my now ex who taught me all the things.

    00:26:18.32

    And then I was what you call beginner gains, I suppose.

    00:26:22.72

    And I literally qualified for Nationals at my first meet.

    00:26:26.68

    And then.

    00:26:27.88

    Yeah.

    00:26:28.40

    And then at Nationals, I qualified for Worlds and then I didn’t have the funds to get myself to Worlds.

    00:26:37.40

    And then life happened and I just wasn’t as interested in training so seriously because I was like a very, it was a lot.

    00:26:43.20

    I was spending a part time job at the gym dog.

    00:26:46.28

    Yeah, yeah.

    00:26:47.12

    Lots of time and effort and energy went into that, right?

    00:26:51.84

    Yeah.

    00:26:52.48

    And then whenever things fell apart with like my ex, I ended up having to, like, leave that training center.

    00:26:57.12

    And that’s.

    EK

    00:26:57.60

    Been a big.

    BS

    00:26:58.08

    Part I think of like resistance in companies development though also has been kind of like that disruption of my training of like what I was comfortable with and used to.

    00:27:06.72

    I was like, oh OK, cool.

    00:27:08.12

    So now I need to figure out like another way to do this somewhere else and you know all that so.

    EK

    00:27:14.64

    Yeah, and that’s when you found tequila in deadlifts.

    BS

    00:27:17.28

    No, I found tequila in deadlifts after the weight room.

    00:27:21.80

    But like, I never really lifted a tequila and deadlifts.

    00:27:24.36

    I just worked there.

    00:27:25.32

    Yeah.

    00:27:26.72

    I went to RVA performance training after, yeah.

    EK

    00:27:30.96

    Where I just had my.

    BS

    00:27:31.56

    Yeah, that’s why I was like, Oh my God, OK, I went to.

    00:27:35.84

    I had.

    EK

    00:27:36.20

    That was my first time being there.

    00:27:37.36

    I was like.

    BS

    00:27:37.92

    Whoa.

    00:27:39.12

    Yeah.

    00:27:39.40

    It’s like a big.

    00:27:40.24

    That was like, I think Richmond’s first CrossFit, but then they, like, rebranded after all that crazy CrossFit bullshit happened a few years back.

    00:27:48.56

    I don’t either, honestly.

    00:27:49.60

    I just know that it was like, I don’t know, we’ll we’ll leave the politics.

    EK

    00:27:54.04

    That’s none of our business.

    00:27:54.96

    I.

    BS

    00:27:55.12

    Don’t even know her.

    00:27:56.68

    Yeah, but no.

    00:27:57.92

    And then Westwood Athletics opened, which is like a private and just, you know, very, very.

    EK

    00:28:04.92

    I think Daniel did embroidery for them or something.

    BS

    00:28:07.28

    Probably sounds familiar?

    00:28:08.96

    It’s right.

    00:28:09.84

    It’s like literally right next to Insuboka.

    00:28:14.60

    Oh, gotcha.

    00:28:15.24

    But there’s like no trainers or coaches there.

    00:28:17.40

    Like there’s no like overarching like like you.

    00:28:19.56

    It’s kind of like you like, I mean it’s it’s an expensive membership.

    00:28:22.36

    But I think it’s worth it to just like not be bothered or perceived by anybody like my ex, their ex like you, just.

    EK

    00:28:29.36

    Walk in and do your thing and leave, yeah.

    BS

    00:28:31.72

    And I think it’s just a a good space for growth, you know?

    00:28:34.64

    Cool, Yeah.

    00:28:35.48

    But yeah, no, powerlifting was definitely, you know, the weight room gave me.

    00:28:40.44

    No, it didn’t give me that.

    00:28:41.48

    But like, that’s where I really was competitive with my powerlifting.

    00:28:48.44

    But once I left the weight room, I think, I don’t know.

    00:28:51.12

    I haven’t really decided how I want to move through.

    00:28:53.28

    The more I’ve been lifting lately, the more I’m like, I kind of wanna get back to those numbers.

    00:28:57.28

    Dogs.

    00:28:58.00

    Yeah, So I don’t know.

    EK

    00:28:59.88

    So do you need to get your own coach to do that?

    00:29:02.80

    You coach yourself through that.

    BS

    00:29:04.00

    I would now, yeah.

    00:29:04.96

    Yeah.

    00:29:05.48

    I mean, honestly, I will say I learned so much training as a competitive power lifter because there was such intensive coaching and there was so much science behind the programming.

    00:29:15.92

    And you really got to see, oh, like if I don’t do this or if I do do this, like this is the result of that.

    00:29:22.28

    Like, you really get to see in real time, like the science of, like, you know, like peeking and tapering and like the way your body responds to like increased, like volumes and loads of training and like the different, like, variables that you can manipulate to like get a certain outcome.

    00:29:36.24

    There’s just so much about it that’s so interesting to me, honestly.

    00:29:40.32

    And obviously having a coach I think is really helpful.

    00:29:42.16

    But I think having Kade, like working right next to me, like she’s almost kind of like, I want to kind of like, I don’t know, get her to be my coach in a sense of just having somebody to like kind of look at my form and like offer that like accountability and like that feedback.

    00:29:55.76

    So I don’t think, I I don’t think I need a a coach right now.

    00:30:00.64

    Yeah.

    00:30:01.12

    Yeah.

    EK

    00:30:01.64

    I feel that.

    00:30:02.76

    Aren’t you hiring people?

    00:30:03.80

    Like, tell us more about resistance and company and what’s what’s going on with R and Co Yeah, so.

    BS

    00:30:10.40

    I’m not necessarily like hiring, but my client Maggie, who I started training with about a year ago, she’s a registered nurse, so she’s an RN and she has like an extensive background with like CrossFit and a bunch of other stuff.

    00:30:24.88

    But she came to me to learn more specifically barbell stuff.

    00:30:28.88

    And you know, she could competed in the deadlift competition last year and she’s just like really grown so much.

    00:30:37.24

    She’s got such a good personality.

    00:30:39.16

    Anyways, I like saw her not too long ago and she was just complaining about the monotony of nursing and like how she, like really wanted to do more.

    00:30:46.40

    And I was like, I have a lot of demand, you know, And I like, I almost intentionally don’t post a lot right now because I know that if I do, it’s going to cause an influx in, you know.

    00:31:00.32

    Yeah.

    00:31:00.64

    Which already is happening, ’cause it’s January.

    00:31:02.68

    Like, I have a lot of demand right now.

    00:31:05.24

    But I do think that the more I like post, you know hand stands like you can kind of control you know your business’s like flow with content.

    00:31:13.48

    I feel like so anyways I yes, she’s signed up for her CPT.

    00:31:19.24

    She’s gonna be getting certified by the summer and she’s actually training alongside me and Kate at Westwood right now so that I can like really make sure that you know whenever she’s like training people under Arnco I can be like no, like this girl knows what she’s doing and like she’s like worked closely with me for you know X amount of time.

    00:31:37.60

    So she’ll be hopping on as like a virtual coach and as a coach will probably be like kind of split the in person sessions.

    00:31:45.84

    Haven’t really decided how I’m going to tier that.

    00:31:48.48

    But I think I want to learn more into education moving forward.

    00:31:52.24

    Like you know, people who just like want to like hang out on a weekly basis will kind of spend more time with Maggie.

    00:31:58.40

    But people who are interested in more like intensive like, you know, foundational training of like these are the lifts and like this is that we’re also going to be creating like a barbell course together to be sharing with the Internet also.

    00:32:14.52

    So yeah.

    EK

    00:32:15.60

    And using it how a barbell course.

    BS

    00:32:18.16

    So you know how everybody’s doing like these courses right now on the Internet, I feel like it’s like the hot thing to do is like download my course on how to blah, blah, blah, sure.

    00:32:27.00

    I think it would be, you know, like basically, you know, how in our sessions, like over the first like 4, like, we really talked about like the lifts, like hand positioning, like breathing.

    00:32:36.08

    Like there’s so much and it goes into each lift.

    00:32:39.36

    And I feel like unfortunately, like people just kind of are like, yeah, like do this online, you’re good.

    00:32:43.40

    And it’s like there’s so much more you could do to, you know, enhance the efficiency of the way you’re moving.

    00:32:49.24

    So I want to like, you know, get into that like, you know, a 1520 minute, like really deep instructional video on like how to and then like, offer like checkpoints.

    00:32:57.48

    And I think it’ll be something where people can like, you know, download just the bench guide or the deadlift guide or they can get the whole, you know, shebang.

    00:33:06.32

    But I think just giving more accessible education to like the gym, stuff that like people aren’t talking about or teaching, you know, it’s always like, I don’t know, I’m I’m not into talking about the way other people do things wrong.

    00:33:22.56

    Sure.

    00:33:23.16

    So, but anyways.

    EK

    00:33:24.56

    So what?

    00:33:25.04

    Yeah, like what excites you about the way that you teach?

    00:33:29.72

    Or, like, the way that you talk about it?

    BS

    00:33:33.04

    I think that honestly there is just a lot about specifically cause again I specifically am like a barbell specialist and like strength and conditioning and stuff like that.

    00:33:44.36

    But like I wouldn’t, I don’t know shit about Pilates or yoga or like any of that you know.

    00:33:47.72

    So I think just the fact that I honor my niche and I, like, really lean into my expertise instead of acting like I can solve somebody’s, like all of their problems or all of their wants in the gym.

    00:33:59.28

    Like, I know where my expertise lies and I know, like, what I can offer somebody.

    00:34:03.00

    And I lead with that rather than like, like, oh, what do you want to learn?

    00:34:07.32

    You know, because I do want to help people as much as I can, but I’m like, this is what I can offer you with my whole pussy, you know, I hear that.

    00:34:15.88

    And then kind of going from there, Whereas I think a lot of people just, like, want to a payment or they want, like, that connection with a client.

    00:34:22.36

    They’re like, yeah.

    00:34:22.92

    And then they’re like, you know, maybe misleading people in a way that they don’t actually know that much.

    00:34:29.68

    Sure.

    00:34:29.96

    But I think that a barbell should be in more people’s hands.

    00:34:32.72

    And I think kind of how you were saying about the BOSU thing, it’s like, don’t get me wrong, I think that there is a place for plyometric training and doing intricate stuff like that.

    00:34:41.04

    But people act like strength training is like, you know, this step when I really think strength training should be this step.

    00:34:48.00

    Like we should be starting with the basics with the barbell.

    00:34:50.52

    Like, we should be learning how to do bench, squat and deadlift so that when we’re doing, like, these crazy kettlebell matrixes that we’re not.

    00:34:56.48

    Like, like, you understand how to hinge or you understand how to squat, you know?

    EK

    00:35:02.12

    And that.

    00:35:02.48

    That’s so funny you say that, because yeah, that was when I went to him, to that trainer at Crunch.

    00:35:08.64

    That was like in my initial conversation with him.

    00:35:10.80

    I want to be using the barbell, ’cause I went to Kareth at tequila and deadlifts first, I stopped doing that.

    00:35:20.68

    I don’t remember when, I guess the most of the before the pandemic, but I was, I was working with her in like 2019.

    00:35:28.48

    I would say, like, right when she first opened, I was her first client.

    00:35:31.92

    We were in there.

    00:35:32.48

    She had nothing in there.

    00:35:34.48

    She had these fans that were like heaters, but she’s wearing her winter coat while I’m like, trying to, like, do shit in there.

    00:35:40.52

    It was funny.

    00:35:41.04

    Yeah.

    00:35:42.36

    I met her at Rebelcon in 2018.

    00:35:45.52

    I think so.

    00:35:48.44

    But yeah, working with the, the trainer at Crunch and I was like, I wanna be doing weightlifting.

    00:35:54.76

    And he was like, that’s way too advanced for you.

    00:35:57.96

    And I was like, OK, babe.

    00:36:01.84

    So then, yeah, but like, now that I’ve been in there and I was telling you this morning, I just felt so confident, like.

    BS

    00:36:07.44

    Cuz you know what you’re doing, Yeah.

    00:36:09.24

    And you know how to do it.

    00:36:10.16

    Well, yeah.

    EK

    00:36:11.36

    Well definitely the breathing has stuck with me, cuz I love breath and stuff.

    00:36:15.28

    So that and it’s interesting when you said that.

    00:36:18.88

    I do find that doing it the correct way, like makes it easier.

    00:36:23.72

    It’s like dark.

    00:36:24.44

    It’s like, yeah, it’s dark.

    BS

    00:36:26.92

    If you’re doing something wrong, it’s probably not as fluid, you know.

    EK

    00:36:30.96

    Like it probably feels wrong and like you’re hurting yourself.

    00:36:34.40

    Whereas, yeah, I’m always very intentional, like how I’m breathing when I’m with lifting weights and stuff and like, but I do have this thing in my in my personality where like I do like rush through things sometimes.

    00:36:45.36

    Like I do sometimes I’m like, I just want to kind of like get it over with.

    00:36:48.60

    And then but I’ve been much more Weightlifting has given me this thing where I’m it started me and it’s and I see it leaking into other parts of my life too, where I slow down and I’m like, I want to actually enjoy this whole moment and feel this whole thing that’s happening.

    00:37:07.32

    I don’t have to rush to the end of this.

    BS

    00:37:09.48

    Wow.

    00:37:10.56

    I never actually really, like, put that together, I think for myself.

    00:37:13.84

    But like, when I first started competing in powerlifting, I think the most, like, the longest moments of my life, you know, are like when you’re walking up to the bar or like, like that squat.

    00:37:23.44

    Like, you know, that really takes 5 seconds.

    00:37:25.60

    Yeah.

    00:37:26.08

    It feels like an hour.

    00:37:27.12

    Like you’re like, it’s like you’re so deeply present in your body when you’re moving it with like, weight or like, intentionally.

    00:37:33.40

    And like, I think that that’s, I just love that you said that.

    00:37:36.84

    Like, I think that is so cool that you’re like finding that like presence and like in your movement, like you’re like, I’m doing this thing and I’m, I’m like very aware of it.

    00:37:46.84

    Rather than just being like like in a workout class where you’re just like banging shit around and like you know, whatever.

    00:37:53.80

    Which like that’s fine too.

    00:37:56.28

    There is totally a place for all of it.

    00:37:58.00

    But it’s cool to have those moments with yourself where you’re like autonomous in the gym and having your own, like, strength training practice and you’re like, in it.

    00:38:06.20

    Yeah, rather than just like gotta do all these things like rushing through the next thing.

    00:38:10.88

    It’s like I want to do this and I wanna do it well.

    EK

    00:38:13.44

    Yeah, A workout that I thought this morning when I went to the gym, I thought it was gonna take me an hour.

    00:38:17.96

    I was there for two hours.

    00:38:19.88

    Really.

    00:38:20.56

    Yeah.

    00:38:20.84

    Because I do like I slow down.

    00:38:22.72

    Yeah.

    00:38:23.44

    And well, I was having trouble, ’cause I was moving those.

    00:38:27.48

    What are they on the the?

    00:38:29.92

    Yeah, there was one that like wouldn’t fucking come out and I had to keep like, whatever.

    00:38:34.44

    But I I got it and I was being really smart about that today.

    00:38:38.56

    But yeah, like, but I was cool with it because, and I did those those kettlebell things that you taught me last time and like the hip flexor stuff.

    BS

    00:38:46.72

    How’d that feel when you were squatting today?

    EK

    00:38:48.88

    I I in the app I mentioned in my knee like no pain.

    00:38:53.64

    Oh great.

    00:38:54.52

    And I and I did eight at 115 lbs.

    BS

    00:38:58.48

    I did five sets.

    EK

    00:39:00.52

    So I added the 1:15 on at the end.

    00:39:02.72

    Sorry, this is like.

    00:39:05.48

    Anyways, we’re just talking about my.

    BS

    00:39:08.12

    Capabilities.

    00:39:08.92

    It’s like, guys, don’t you want to talk about lifting weights?

    EK

    00:39:12.12

    Too.

    00:39:13.32

    It’s actually like, so much fun.

    00:39:14.96

    I think it’s fun, no?

    00:39:15.92

    And I try to get Daniel into it because I’m like literally.

    00:39:18.52

    Like this is my hobby.

    BS

    00:39:19.96

    He would probably enjoy.

    EK

    00:39:20.92

    It no, he’s like not into it right now, but we’re we’re gonna get him there.

    00:39:24.84

    He was just doing a lot of manual labeler with the fence in our backyard where he and I was watching him where he put this like 8 foot panel on his back and he was like walking with it and he was like this is my weightlifting and I was like fair enough, fair.

    00:39:40.52

    So yeah, maybe in a couple weeks after.

    BS

    00:39:42.84

    He’s like, Oh my God, do you think, OK, so like, Olympic weightlifting is something we can eventually get into together, like where you’re doing cleaning jerks and snatch.

    00:39:49.92

    I feel like sometimes the men, they’re like, I don’t want to do that, but I want to do that.

    00:39:55.80

    That thing?

    00:39:56.32

    No, just the snatch.

    EK

    00:39:57.40

    Thing.

    BS

    00:39:57.72

    Yeah, like where they’re like getting the bar over their head.

    EK

    00:40:00.56

    I don’t know if I I don’t know if I want to do that.

    BS

    00:40:02.76

    You totally don’t have to do that.

    00:40:04.04

    No.

    00:40:04.72

    It’s.

    00:40:05.28

    I think cleans are fun.

    00:40:06.60

    I think cleans are like just where you’re kind of it’s almost like an explosive squat, like where the bar goes from like here to like here.

    00:40:14.28

    Those are fun.

    00:40:14.92

    We’ll do them with like kettle bells and stuff like that.

    00:40:16.56

    You’ll see those in the programming like later anyways, but like barbell stuff, it can be fun.

    EK

    00:40:22.68

    I mean, I’m willing to try anything, try anything once.

    00:40:26.52

    Wink, wink.

    00:40:27.04

    Yeah.

    00:40:28.68

    Well, that’s like something too.

    00:40:29.84

    I think with you, I feel really comfortable.

    00:40:32.04

    Like I I look forward to our training sessions like our one on ones and you’re like, well, I’d like wanna offload those people.

    00:40:40.24

    I’m like.

    BS

    00:40:41.12

    No, I don’t wanna offload you, no.

    EK

    00:40:44.40

    I really look forward to it because I feel.

    BS

    00:40:45.92

    Like, I learn a lot, but I feel like you’re learning.

    00:40:48.56

    Yeah, you’re not.

    00:40:49.56

    You have your own autonomous strength training practice, I think.

    00:40:53.56

    And it’s not that I don’t like these clients.

    00:40:55.56

    I don’t know how to say this, but I feel like I don’t like.

    00:40:58.92

    I don’t feel as purposeful or as fulfilled by my sessions that I have with people that don’t do anything outside of the sessions.

    00:41:06.20

    Like long term.

    00:41:07.04

    Like they’re like, I just want to work out with you for this one hour this week.

    00:41:10.20

    And I’m like, if that’s what you want, like if you just want somebody to like hold this space for you on a weekly basis, then I think that, like, I might not be like I want to.

    00:41:18.36

    I want to be constantly engaged in like evolving and like learning and growing with my clients, which is why, like, we’re troubleshooting.

    00:41:24.92

    Like, you come in and we’re like troubleshooting.

    00:41:26.76

    We’re learning something, diving deeper into things.

    00:41:29.64

    You’re doing stuff on your own.

    00:41:30.80

    I’m actually seeing that progress outside of the gym, and that makes me excited to see you.

    00:41:35.72

    Like, it’s not like the stagnancy where I’m like, OK, I guess I’ll put you on my back again today and we’ll, you know, ’cause I think that they’re, it can be exhausting as a personal trainer to just, like, hold like.

    EK

    00:41:49.60

    You know, like you to not see any progress when and something that might be a personal value of yours and a professional value is progress and is growth.

    00:41:58.68

    Yeah, for sure.

    00:41:59.24

    I mean, you have our Discord channel, it’s called.

    BS

    00:42:00.88

    Growth mindset.

    00:42:01.92

    It’s like, oh, hello.

    00:42:03.44

    I think that’s something I’ve learned more lately, though.

    00:42:05.60

    You know about yourself.

    00:42:06.72

    Yeah.

    00:42:07.08

    And about just like, who I like to be around in general.

    00:42:09.56

    Like kind of like realizing that, oh, I think stagnancy is something I cannot stand right as a person and as, like in any way, shape or form.

    00:42:16.68

    Sure, you know.

    EK

    00:42:17.60

    Same and And I’m like that with my clients too.

    00:42:21.92

    Like I give people homework.

    00:42:23.92

    I’ve I’ve had people on their discovery calls where they’re like, well, I don’t like homework.

    00:42:27.96

    And I’m like, you’re gonna fucking hate me then ’cause like, I’m gonna tell you stuff to do and I’ll still work with people.

    00:42:33.64

    But like, I at the end of our session, I mean, and I type my notes in the session and sometimes I’ll ask a client like what do you take, what are you taking away from this session?

    00:42:43.96

    I’m gonna ask you about it next time like I’m making a note.

    00:42:47.12

    Please go out of here and think about that.

    00:42:50.76

    So yeah, like, I mean you and I are similar in that way.

    00:42:54.52

    Where?

    BS

    00:42:54.68

    There’s so much work that needs to be done outside of.

    EK

    00:42:58.48

    I mean, life is happening.

    00:42:59.80

    Like, don’t you want to have fun and like take care of yourself and like do the things you need to do?

    00:43:03.68

    And like, I don’t know.

    00:43:05.40

    Yeah, I mean, if people are intimidated by the gym or they hate it or whatever it is, it’s like, well then yeah, maybe don’t work with a personal trainer.

    00:43:12.80

    Like maybe?

    BS

    00:43:13.92

    Or work with not me.

    00:43:15.64

    You know, like, that’s like why I want their ’cause I do think, you know, like I I can think of a couple of clients right now who have, like, literally no interest in, like, going outside of, you know, our sessions together.

    00:43:24.72

    They just.

    EK

    00:43:24.96

    Like you and want to hang out with you.

    BS

    00:43:26.28

    And that’s great.

    00:43:27.16

    Yeah.

    00:43:27.60

    And you know, they’ve been doing it for literally like more than a year.

    00:43:30.24

    I have like a couple of clients who I’ve been seeing for literally two years and they’re just once a week.

    00:43:34.52

    And I think that that is like, you know.

    EK

    00:43:38.12

    A choice?

    BS

    00:43:38.84

    That’s great and that’s fine and I’m still like, I love them no less.

    00:43:42.20

    But I think as far as like new people coming in, like I have learned that like I want everybody like in my discovery calls I’m like cool, like this is how like the basics work.

    00:43:50.88

    After that we can work together, you know, one-on-one however you see fit.

    00:43:54.84

    However, there is an app like there is a way for you to have a coach and like have access to like good workouts and like have this ongoing support and accountability without it being limited to just our FaceTime.

    00:44:08.60

    And I like having like that flow of things and having like an answer, you know, to those next steps already decided or like there for people rather than just like, you know, us both being like cool.

    00:44:23.72

    So how long are we doing this, you know.

    00:44:26.60

    So I think it definitely, I just am more interested in working with people who are like, you know, ready to do things.

    00:44:34.44

    Yeah, you know, that makes sense.

    00:44:36.00

    Like growth mindset.

    EK

    00:44:37.04

    Right.

    00:44:37.48

    And you’re putting all this work into this program.

    00:44:39.56

    It would be a shame to, like, you have so much knowledge and and like this whole structure that you’re already building.

    00:44:47.96

    Yeah.

    00:44:48.44

    So for people that are like plugging in with you, it’s like, well, I do all of this in the time that we’re not in the gym together.

    00:44:55.28

    It almost feels like it’s for nothing.

    00:44:56.76

    Like when you then like not to say that, like you are still holding that hour long space for that, but it’s like you’re missing like a whole perspective, a whole aspect of things.

    00:45:07.84

    It’s like they’re not getting to see like the full you or something.

    BS

    00:45:11.04

    Yeah, well, and they’re not getting to see their full self, their own full potential, ’cause, I mean, at the end of the day, like you walking around the gym today like a bad bitch without me like that, you know, Like you did that.

    00:45:22.28

    You did that.

    00:45:22.88

    I mean, like, sure, I wrote the programs, you did the exercises, but like, I wasn’t there.

    00:45:26.04

    I had nothing to do with that, right?

    00:45:28.24

    You know?

    00:45:28.72

    Yeah, I could.

    EK

    00:45:29.08

    Have made the choice to not go right.

    BS

    00:45:31.44

    You could have also made the choice to not walk around like a bad bitch, but, well, right?

    00:45:36.00

    But.

    EK

    00:45:36.36

    Men were there, so they needed to be told.

    BS

    00:45:38.36

    Somebody had to show them.

    EK

    00:45:39.44

    I’m like, listen, I can smell you from over here, first of all.

    00:45:43.16

    So you’re gonna have to look at me from over there.

    00:45:46.12

    You’re welcome.

    BS

    00:45:47.48

    Goodbye.

    00:45:48.16

    No, literally.

    EK

    00:45:49.84

    And yes, I’m putting 50 lbs over my head right now.

    00:45:52.12

    I’ll deal with it anyways.

    BS

    00:45:54.92

    So.

    EK

    00:45:55.68

    Yeah.

    00:45:56.52

    So the and then there’s this whole other side of your business or a different business with your wife.

    00:46:01.60

    Yeah, and what is?

    BS

    00:46:02.48

    That So Stout’s Creative is a photography, branding and design company.

    00:46:08.28

    So we do.

    00:46:11.08

    I mean, we’ve got some apparel, We’ve got some really fun.

    00:46:13.92

    I feel like Cade really enjoys designing like street wear.

    00:46:16.32

    So we’ve got some fun like we did these.

    00:46:19.36

    We like to upcycle things too.

    00:46:20.80

    So like we’re going to be doing a couple of markets this year where we basically have either thrifted or like our own clothes that were like acid washing and then like printing onto.

    00:46:31.36

    And then yeah, I’m like love photography.

    00:46:34.24

    I love.

    00:46:34.84

    I think that there’s something really cool about, you know, like in a session with, you know, training, you empower somebody and you like, watch them kind of like step into this, whatever.

    00:46:42.88

    But I feel like it.

    00:46:44.32

    You can do the same thing behind the camera.

    00:46:45.60

    Like, I absolutely love like having that, like intimate connection with somebody And to be able to like hold that space and like hype them up and like give them just that hour of like, this was all you.

    00:46:56.28

    And then like deliver photos and they’re like, Oh my God, like, I can’t believe you captured me that way.

    00:46:59.84

    Like, it’s just such a special, I think, outlet for myself creatively, but also to like share with other people, to like have somebody like see them differently and like, not to shit on like, you know, male photographers.

    00:47:11.44

    But I see so many like just kind of like cringey, like like I’m like y’all are getting in bikinis for him.

    00:47:18.56

    Like, no, babe, like get a booking for me, like let’s like, let’s like actually, I don’t know.

    00:47:24.24

    But no.

    00:47:24.92

    Yeah, together we do some fun stuff.

    00:47:27.88

    And Kate’s gonna be actually fully producing and editing my podcast that I’m watching.

    00:47:32.60

    So I’m watching that on my 3 year anniversary of self-employment.

    00:47:36.60

    So that’ll the first episode will come out on February 23rd.

    EK

    00:47:40.88

    2024.

    BS

    00:47:41.92

    And yeah, Kate is doing all of the things for.

    EK

    00:47:43.80

    That that’s so great.

    BS

    00:47:44.96

    So I guess maybe at some point, podcast production could potentially, essentially maybe be something in stouts.

    00:47:51.08

    But yeah, that you would offer for other people probably maybe, you know, I don’t know.

    00:47:57.32

    I think that there’s so much there, ’cause we just started Stouts, like, I don’t know, spring of last year, whenever the VF, like the film industry hit the fan, like all of those strikes were happening and it was like, are you gonna lose your job?

    00:48:10.92

    And it wasn’t even like if you lose your job, you’ll be able to find another one, Like the entire industry is on a stand still, right?

    00:48:16.04

    So it’s like if she had lost her job, it’s like, and then what?

    00:48:18.72

    Right.

    00:48:19.04

    So I think that that business totally came just out of like necessity of like having a backup source of and being married to you.

    00:48:26.12

    Yeah.

    00:48:26.32

    Somebody that’s like, yeah, no, I was like, OK, say less, here we go, LLC.

    00:48:31.92

    No files like.

    EK

    00:48:34.16

    Business license.

    BS

    00:48:35.00

    No, literally.

    00:48:36.96

    But I’m excited to grow into that with her because I think that, I mean, I’ll be honest, I think a lot of everything that’s happened good for me in the past, like, year has been like because of her and who I am when I’m with her.

    00:48:52.32

    Wow.

    00:48:52.76

    You know, we really, really, really bring out the best in each other.

    00:48:57.60

    And I think that, like, our space is just so creative together.

    00:49:02.20

    Like, we are just so weird and like, Oh my God, that sounds so like I’m so weird.

    00:49:07.04

    I know.

    00:49:07.52

    But it’s like, I don’t know.

    00:49:09.36

    We just really have a relationship and a connection on like I’ve ever had with anybody else.

    00:49:14.40

    And I think that that fosters this crazy space that I’ve never had access to.

    00:49:18.68

    And it just feels like no dream is too big.

    00:49:21.96

    Like, I’m like, I wanna start a podcast.

    00:49:23.96

    Cool.

    00:49:24.08

    Let’s do it.

    00:49:24.40

    Like, I want to do this and that.

    00:49:25.60

    Like, we want to make a clothing line.

    00:49:26.96

    OK, let’s go.

    00:49:28.08

    Like, it’s like, I think the biggest thing that’s been limiting me is time, you know?

    00:49:31.84

    Like, I’m like trying to do so much, ’cause I have so much passion to, like, do all these things.

    00:49:36.96

    But, you know, you can only do so much.

    00:49:39.48

    So I think a lot of things are very stay tuned, you know?

    00:49:43.64

    Like, I think a lot of things are just really beginning for me, ’cause I think the first three years of any business is like, is this going to work out or not?

    00:49:51.76

    You know?

    00:49:52.84

    And I think if I knew three years ago that I’d be sitting here on your podcast and being like, this is all the shit that’s happened to me in the past three years, and that’s how it got here.

    00:50:01.80

    I wouldn’t even believe it.

    00:50:03.20

    Really.

    00:50:03.72

    Yeah.

    00:50:04.40

    I mean, you take such big risks when you do things.

    00:50:06.92

    Like, I had, no, like, I was just an orangetheory coach dog.

    00:50:09.88

    Like, I was like, I don’t know, guess I’ll try and do this right?

    00:50:13.72

    But I think the way that I connected with people, I think a lot of my serving and bartending, like background, just like, came like, it all just made so much sense.

    00:50:22.64

    Like I was like, Oh my God, I’m connecting with people.

    00:50:24.40

    And like, we’re just like shooting shit and we’re like having fun and like, you know, like, in a way that’s like, productive.

    00:50:31.24

    Yeah, it just, like, scratched all my itches.

    00:50:33.04

    Like, I was like, this is exactly what I want to be doing.

    00:50:35.12

    Wow.

    00:50:36.12

    And I feel that way now, but I definitely feel like I don’t want it to be like my crooks, if that makes sense.

    00:50:41.48

    Like, I would like for personal training to be something that I continue to do because I want to, but not necessarily.

    00:50:46.68

    Like, if you cancel this session, I’m not gonna be able to pay my bill.

    00:50:50.28

    You know, Like, I really like the idea of like creating, like, multiple streams of income and like, having a more expansive offering and like, you know, having different businesses and being able to play with them.

    00:51:03.84

    Yes.

    EK

    00:51:05.24

    That’s really I think like aspirational on in this time that we’re in like post pandemic and people are seeing what they could do with their time when they weren’t like having to report into work and stuff like that.

    00:51:20.04

    Like yeah, you’re able to really see what you’re capable of so and and so, but it sounds like your relationship is a really supportive place too.

    00:51:29.40

    Like, is there anything, I mean, I don’t know, like, how did you and your wife meet?

    00:51:33.92

    Like, what’s your deal?

    00:51:35.12

    OK.

    BS

    00:51:35.40

    Do you guys want to know the craziest, juiciest story?

    00:51:38.72

    Duh.

    00:51:39.32

    OK, so my ex, right before Kade and I were like, honestly, so not meant for each other, but I think we just like really wanted to like be comfortable.

    00:51:49.92

    So we like tried the open relationship thing off and on for a while and whenever I met Kade, I was like in my Hawk Girl era, I had made $1000 on only fans in August of 2022.

    00:52:01.68

    Like I was just and it wasn’t even like I wasn’t doing anything crazy, which go off if you are like no shade.

    00:52:07.48

    But I was just like, you know, titties out something just a little.

    00:52:11.04

    I was just slutty on the Gram, but like all these people were like subscribing and it was like I was just like in this era of like freedom, liberation, like exploring, like all the stuff.

    00:52:21.68

    Anyways, Cade was my client.

    00:52:24.28

    I had never met them before, never heard of them or anything.

    00:52:27.60

    And things were totally platonic for the first, I think 4 sessions.

    00:52:32.20

    But this is that Tequila and deadlift.

    00:52:33.52

    No, this was at Body Arc.

    00:52:35.20

    Yeah.

    00:52:35.44

    So this was like recently this was like 22.

    00:52:38.52

    So not this past year, but the year before and we got started whatever.

    00:52:43.88

    She mentioned something in our fourth session, and I’ll never forget it.

    00:52:49.56

    It was like whenever we were warming up for deadlifts, she was like, yeah, like I’m having this like crazy, awful time and like an open relationship right now.

    00:52:56.64

    Like, I’ve been with my, you know, partner for like 3 years.

    00:52:59.48

    I moved here from Atlanta with her and like, blah, blah, blah.

    00:53:02.32

    All this crazy stuff is happening.

    00:53:03.52

    And I was like, Oh no, you did not just tell me that you’re also in an over relationship, ’cause I had such a crush on her.

    00:53:08.96

    But I was like so professional.

    00:53:10.24

    Like I was like not going to, like, hit on my client, you know?

    00:53:14.36

    But then that night I was like, who’s no governing body?

    00:53:17.04

    Guys like, who’s going to stop me?

    00:53:20.08

    I’m like, so I DM D her and was like, hey, so I know you mentioned that you’re having like a unpleasant time in your open relationship and dating, but I’d love to rewrite that narrative for you.

    00:53:31.64

    Would you want to grab a beer sometime?

    00:53:33.96

    Because like, I know that I have a good time.

    00:53:36.40

    You know, like, there’s like, no, like, I don’t know how to explain it, but I was just kind of like, like what?

    00:53:42.00

    What do you what else do you want?

    00:53:43.16

    I mean, so we went on our little date and it was amazing.

    00:53:49.04

    It was like literally just the most cute and adorable time.

    00:53:54.12

    And then like, over the course of the next like four or five weeks, I ended up let it like, I broke up with my partner for good.

    00:54:02.24

    Also, Sino, I was dating this rapper who has millions of Spotify followers.

    00:54:10.88

    What?

    00:54:11.68

    Yeah.

    00:54:12.08

    Are they in Richmond?

    00:54:12.96

    He blew up pretty recently.

    00:54:14.12

    Yeah, I won’t name drop on the podcast, but this is who I was seeing.

    00:54:21.52

    And it’s funny because this other girl who I was seeing at the time, they’re now seeing each other because it’s really cute, like they fell in love because Kate and I fell in love and that’s like a whole other story.

    00:54:33.56

    But okay.

    00:54:34.16

    Anyways, back to what really matters.

    00:54:36.24

    So I broke up with my ex and cut, set some boundaries with the other people that I was like loosely just dating.

    00:54:42.76

    And then Kade told me that she was falling in love with me on the lawn of the VMFA over a bottle of Brute from second bottle.

    00:54:52.44

    And now we drink that literally for any and every occasion.

    00:54:55.24

    That’s like our wine.

    00:54:56.76

    But she told me she was falling in love with me and I was kind of like the key.

    00:55:00.24

    Well, you’re the only one that still has, you know, like another relationship.

    00:55:04.68

    But she had a whole blown house in Churchill with this, with her ex, right?

    00:55:09.24

    Like it was easy for me, ’cause I was living with my best friend.

    00:55:11.84

    I was just like, bye everybody else.

    00:55:13.32

    Like I’m busy and kids like I’m literally like living with this dog and like my ex, which took a lot of patience from my end.

    00:55:21.08

    But she ended up breaking things off with her ex and like setting some boundaries and stuff like that towards the end of 2022.

    00:55:28.36

    So from August to, like November, I think it got increasingly harder for me to like, not, like, want her full time, which I had her full time, but she was, like, literally living.

    00:55:39.52

    Like she had to work at her ex’s house.

    00:55:43.76

    But then she found an apartment.

    00:55:45.76

    We were originally planning for February, like, and I was like, I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to fucking make it, but like, whatever.

    00:55:51.76

    She toured an apartment right across from the VMFA in late November and like signed the lease and everything for it as kind of a surprise.

    00:56:02.04

    And was like whenever we she like, showed me and she was like, this is where I’m moving and I was like, you’re kidding, Like the BMA has always been my favorite place.

    00:56:13.92

    Like love to walk around it.

    00:56:15.76

    Like, I’ve always lived in walking distance of it.

    00:56:18.80

    Yeah, got the dreamiest apartment.

    00:56:20.08

    Like, shit you can’t make up.

    00:56:21.24

    Like, I was like, what the fuck?

    00:56:22.44

    That’s crazy.

    00:56:23.28

    We would go and like, sit on the porch because it was like, vacant for a little while.

    00:56:26.56

    I don’t know why they wouldn’t let her move in early, but we would, like, climb over the porch and like, bring our bottle of wine and just like, sit on the porch and be like, remember, like, can’t wait to like, you know, be here and like, remember this and what?

    00:56:38.00

    Yeah.

    00:56:38.28

    But then, so Kate moved in in December and we were like officially, like, just the two of us.

    00:56:45.60

    And then I had my old apartment till July of 23.

    00:56:48.08

    So this past year.

    00:56:49.68

    Yeah.

    00:56:50.64

    So I was just, like slowly moving in all year, if that makes sense, ’cause I wanted to give her some time to like.

    00:56:55.92

    I mean, we knew, like, we were basically moving towards marriage with the wrong people.

    00:56:59.68

    Like, we were at the same place in our relationship of, like, readiness for that next step.

    00:57:03.80

    But, like, we’re just really with the wrong people.

    00:57:07.20

    So I think we both knew, like, this is what’s going to happen.

    00:57:10.64

    But I wanted to give her some like, you know, space and autonomy to like live on her own for a little bit.

    00:57:16.52

    But then she so she had a work trip that landed in Vegas on February 24th, which would just so happen to be our six month anniversary because our first date was August 24th.

    EK

    00:57:29.60

    Oh my.

    BS

    00:57:30.72

    God.

    00:57:30.84

    So she proposed to me in, I think January.

    00:57:35.16

    It was.

    00:57:35.52

    She proposed to me a couple of times.

    00:57:36.80

    It was never, like, very serious, you know?

    00:57:41.24

    But each time I cried, each time it was really cute.

    00:57:45.12

    But we ended up applying for our marriage license and all that stuff, and we eloped in Vegas in February of this past year.

    00:57:54.16

    So my God, yeah.

    00:57:55.92

    So our little party that we’re having on March 9th is a celebration of a lot of things.

    00:58:00.40

    It’s gonna be like a three-year like wearing for myself, like was this company like kid, like marriage, like just kind of celebrating life.

    00:58:08.16

    Like, I don’t think I’ve ever, ever, ever been like, Oh my God, I’m so happy to be where I am right now until 2024, Like this time last year, she was just chaos.

    00:58:16.44

    Like, you know, Cade was just moving.

    00:58:18.88

    I still had my old apartment.

    00:58:20.00

    My best friend had just moved out.

    00:58:21.56

    Like business was like busy, but not in, like a way.

    00:58:24.28

    Like, I didn’t have the app yet.

    00:58:25.44

    Like, I didn’t have, like a good structure or system in place.

    00:58:28.32

    So I was just kind of like working aimlessly like a lot harder than I am right now.

    00:58:31.84

    And now everything is like organized and like, I’ve got like, we are just like rooted.

    00:58:37.84

    And I feel like just now going to start like kind of wow, coming home.

    EK

    00:58:43.32

    That’s so cool.

    BS

    00:58:45.12

    You know I.

    EK

    00:58:45.92

    Love that so much.

    BS

    00:58:47.56

    Thanks for listening.

    00:58:48.76

    Oh, my God.

    00:58:49.08

    Like that was the longest story.

    00:58:50.72

    No, they’re just so intricate, though.

    00:58:52.64

    Like, sometimes whenever people ask me a question, I’m like, do you have time?

    00:58:55.32

    Because you will not believe this shit.

    00:58:57.00

    I’m like, I’m like, this is a long story, guys.

    00:59:00.08

    Yeah, but it’s really important.

    00:59:03.36

    There’s just so many things.

    00:59:05.00

    But that’s why I think it’s so special.

    00:59:06.68

    And I think Kate and I have like we both have anxious attachment styles.

    00:59:12.08

    And I think we both just like, I mean we’re definitely like codependent but independent in a way that we’re like aware of if that makes sense.

    00:59:20.36

    Like I don’t like to do much without her.

    00:59:22.92

    I mean, I’m an adult.

    00:59:23.80

    I don’t do things without her.

    00:59:24.92

    But like if I’m home or I’m going to experience something, I like want to bring my best friend, you know, like I feel like she’s my best friend 1st and my business partner and my lover and like everything.

    00:59:35.08

    And I just think that I would have never imagined being in a relationship like this after watching like, my dad go through three divorces like I’m like, is love, Is love, Is love real?

    00:59:45.88

    Yeah, that thing.

    00:59:48.32

    But it is real.

    00:59:49.32

    Yeah, you know.

    EK

    00:59:50.76

    My God, that’s so sweet.

    BS

    00:59:53.12

    Yeah.

    EK

    00:59:53.80

    I love that so much.

    00:59:55.16

    I love that you have that.

    BS

    00:59:56.40

    I do too.

    00:59:57.28

    I feel like that’s like another thing that like, helps me be in a position where like you leave our sessions feeling good.

    01:00:03.12

    Like, I just feel like I have, like.

    01:00:05.04

    So much like love and like assuredness and like audacity to like offer people like, I’m like, I’m just spewing it, you know, like I am just like giving off the energy that I’m like living in and I’m living in like a really good place.

    01:00:20.32

    So I love sharing that in coaching, you know, like I’m like do you want to like live like this too?

    01:00:26.56

    Like, I mean, obviously you can’t live my exact life, but like, I can tell you some of the things that, like, I’ve implemented into my, like, you know, processes to like, make sure that, like, my outcome is what I want it, right, ’cause it really do be a science like that sometimes, yeah.

    EK

    01:00:40.76

    Well, no, that’s like such a cliche saying of like, fill your cup first so that you have more to give to other people.

    01:00:45.56

    But you’re like literally the embodiment of that.

    01:00:48.56

    Your cup is overflowing.

    01:00:50.40

    So you’re good.

    01:00:51.96

    Like you’ve got all that you need in here.

    01:00:53.60

    And what’s overflowing is for other people and you do you give a lot and like it’s.

    BS

    01:00:57.84

    Crazy, because that’s like I had said about like last year being different.

    01:01:01.32

    I’ve never felt this full before, right?

    01:01:03.60

    But I also feel I’ve never been this busy before.

    01:01:06.08

    I’ve never had so many word of mouth clients coming in.

    01:01:09.08

    I’ve never had so many, you know, like inquiries just like kind of coming my way.

    01:01:13.36

    And it feels like, right.

    01:01:14.52

    Like I’m like, you’re exactly right.

    01:01:15.80

    Like, I feel like I’m like, I have so much to give and it makes sense that, like, more people are, like, coming to receive it.

    EK

    01:01:21.20

    Right, ’cause it can’t.

    01:01:22.24

    It needs to go somewhere.

    01:01:23.60

    It’s gotta go somewhere.

    01:01:25.92

    God, it’s not like you have like, excuse me, like.

    BS

    01:01:29.92

    Something bad to offer?

    01:01:31.24

    No, there’s.

    EK

    01:01:31.60

    Something really good to offer.

    01:01:32.92

    And the universe works like that.

    01:01:35.32

    Like you’re a magnet and you’re like attractive energy for sure.

    BS

    01:01:39.64

    People are like, oh, I want some, like, goodness in my life.

    01:01:42.24

    I’m gonna go get some goodness in my life, right?

    01:01:44.12

    You know, Right.

    EK

    01:01:45.40

    So you were saying something too earlier and like, this is kind of a segue into that of like.

    01:01:49.48

    And I know this is like a really long conversation.

    01:01:51.44

    I’m so sorry, guys.

    01:01:52.32

    No, no, no, no.

    01:01:53.12

    I’m really into it, OK?

    01:01:54.44

    I don’t have anywhere to be cool.

    BS

    01:01:55.56

    Me either.

    01:01:56.24

    I’m.

    01:01:56.76

    We’re good.

    EK

    01:01:57.52

    OK, cool.

    01:01:58.72

    You had said something about like content being the thing that kind of can keep feeding your business.

    01:02:06.80

    It can be like a plan.

    01:02:10.24

    And so, yeah, like when you have all of this to give and you’re sharing and that’s like magnetizing people, like how do you ration that or like portion that out so that OK, well, I have all of this going on for me right now.

    01:02:24.16

    But like I can’t physically like handle all the clients that I could attract with this.

    01:02:28.84

    So like how can I siphon this off until like?

    BS

    01:02:31.16

    Yeah.

    EK

    01:02:31.92

    The summer when nobody wants therapy or personal training, how can I take what I have right now and like, put it out then so maybe I can, like, attract more people.

    01:02:41.04

    Does that make sense?

    BS

    01:02:41.72

    Yeah, I think I’m still trying to figure that out, ’cause I think there’s so much that we don’t have control over.

    01:02:46.96

    I mean, right.

    01:02:47.64

    You know, But I do think that I don’t know.

    01:02:51.08

    I’m a huge proponent of like adapting myself to the environment or like to whatever is around me.

    01:02:57.80

    So like how like I really pride myself in my maneuverability.

    01:03:01.84

    I love to be at home.

    01:03:03.04

    I feel like that sounded like don’t get me wrong.

    01:03:05.64

    I am not like.

    01:03:06.24

    I am like also like autistic and cannot leave the house.

    01:03:08.80

    But like like in most cases it’s like, you know, if this is busy, then like OK, like I can like also like match that busyness.

    01:03:16.32

    But like if this is slow, like I can like match that I think I’m at like malleability as far as just like the way I show up in things.

    01:03:24.72

    But I think that like consistency and like making sure that like you’re delivering something that people trust.

    01:03:33.00

    Like I am so authentic in the way that I show up on the Internet that I don’t really like plan anything.

    01:03:38.44

    Like I’m just kind of like.

    EK

    01:03:40.48

    This is what I feel like doing or.

    BS

    01:03:41.48

    Yeah.

    01:03:41.88

    Like this is what’s happening like at like.

    01:03:44.20

    And I think, you know, I just recently hired a virtual assistant who has been great for helping me organize.

    01:03:49.56

    But I think I’m unfortunately going to be letting that go just so that I can focus more on like building Maggie and like building my business from the inside.

    01:03:56.48

    And like, not because the more that she wants to plan things, the more that I’m like, I don’t.

    01:04:01.88

    There’s some things that I don’t want to plan, actually.

    01:04:04.60

    Like I need like general structure and organization, which I provide for myself.

    01:04:08.64

    But like, you know, she wants to content plan and she wants to do all these things.

    01:04:11.44

    And I’m like, I’m not a machine that wants to content plan.

    01:04:14.56

    And my goal isn’t to just like blow up and be like some aimless influencer.

    01:04:17.64

    Like I want to be reaching you.

    01:04:19.92

    Like I want to be reaching my dream client and like to do that, to reach your ideal client.

    01:04:26.40

    You just, you have to vibe.

    01:04:29.36

    You have to vibe right?

    01:04:30.88

    Like you can’t just be like, and today I’m supposed to talk about the overhead press.

    01:04:35.36

    So I’m talking about it like, no, it’s like if I have a bomb lifting session, I’d be like, hey guys, check out this video and like make notes like, right, You know, like doing like a voice over of like something like that.

    01:04:44.92

    Like I feel like content just comes to you when you’re open to it.

    01:04:50.04

    And and I think that as you know, things grow with Maggie and as things grow with whoever you know, ’cause I really do.

    01:04:55.80

    I mean I you know found like first of all my business started as balanced with Brittany and his crazy little logo.

    01:05:03.36

    But whenever I evolved it into resistance and company strength collective, I think my mindset at the time of like creating that was that I never really pictured it always being just me.

    01:05:14.44

    Like I didn’t like want it to be like centered around like just myself.

    01:05:18.92

    I wanted to be centered around a community and like a larger mission of just kind of like like minded individuals being in a collective of you know, strength and empowerment and like resistance to like societal norms and like you know, like really leading from the front with that.

    01:05:35.08

    So I’m excited to see over time, you know, like, not that I want to ever fully employ anybody, but like, you know, like to offer a space for people to, like, explore like themselves as a coach or like to, you know, collaborate and, like, be a part of resistance and company in a way that maybe I hadn’t thought of before.

    01:05:51.20

    Or like, you know, just like having this, like, space to evolve, like making sure that the box is always open and that the doors never closed.

    01:06:00.88

    Yeah, yeah, I love that, you know.

    EK

    01:06:03.88

    I have an idea for us to collaborate on something.

    BS

    01:06:06.28

    Oh my God.

    EK

    01:06:08.40

    But now that you even just said what you just said, I’m like, should I get my personal training certificate?

    01:06:13.40

    And I go on, You fucking go.

    BS

    01:06:15.40

    Come on in, bitch.

    EK

    01:06:17.52

    I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so no.

    01:06:19.20

    But you do.

    01:06:19.92

    You’re learning.

    01:06:20.68

    I’m like, literally crying thinking about this.

    01:06:22.52

    Oh my God, that’s like so wild.

    01:06:24.16

    I’ve never.

    01:06:24.92

    That thought has never crossed my mind in my entire.

    BS

    01:06:26.80

    But like, you literally could, you know, and it doesn’t.

    01:06:28.84

    Obviously you have a full time job, but like, what if you know?

    01:06:32.96

    What if you did have, like you know, two or three clients that you saw for personal training?

    01:06:37.20

    Or like, what if you had like your niche, like, you know what, whether that’s like helping a certain age group or like a certain type of person or like a certain like whatever you really feel called to and you’re like, you know, and your strength training journey like, oh, I love squatting or something like that.

    01:06:53.92

    You know, like you could be like the person that has like that additional edge or even like, you know, being on the app.

    01:07:01.80

    Like I was like a coach is like the app evolves.

    01:07:03.76

    Like, I really eventually, because I don’t ever want to be the kind of person that just has like APDF download.

    01:07:09.92

    Or like like I always want to have the app where there’s coaches and where like I make updates to the program weekly.

    01:07:16.80

    Like I weekly go in and I’m like, OK, like I’m changing this percentage.

    01:07:21.00

    But also like, I want to keep hitting this muscle group.

    01:07:23.52

    But to keep things engaging for clients, I’m going to make it a different exercise.

    01:07:28.00

    And like, you know, like there’s so much that that can be done there, but I can’t do it by myself.

    01:07:33.00

    Yeah, you know.

    01:07:33.92

    So hop in, bitch.

    EK

    01:07:36.88

    Well, that’s definitely something to put on the like it’s it’s on the board, yeah, for sure.

    01:07:43.52

    But I was thinking it would be really fun for us to have a retreat together.

    BS

    01:07:47.96

    Shut up.

    EK

    01:07:49.08

    Where you lead some movement and like maybe new trip like you do the cook.

    BS

    01:07:52.68

    Like the food.

    01:07:53.72

    Oh my God.

    EK

    01:07:54.92

    And I do like.

    BS

    01:07:56.44

    That’s serious.

    EK

    01:07:57.24

    Contemplative.

    01:07:58.20

    Like, yeah.

    BS

    01:08:00.00

    Give us some sound baths.

    01:08:03.32

    Yes, but I don’t.

    EK

    01:08:05.12

    Know, I just think that would be like, literally the most fun thing ever.

    BS

    01:08:08.48

    Should we do it in like Palm Springs or somewhere where it’s?

    EK

    01:08:11.44

    You went all the way to Palm Springs.

    01:08:13.12

    I was like Virginia Beach, OK?

    01:08:18.40

    No, Dona.

    BS

    01:08:19.68

    No, but I I have been looking at some, yeah, what if what’s Palm Springs like, why have you ever been there?

    01:08:25.56

    If you like Sedona?

    01:08:26.72

    I’ve driven through Palm Springs and I was like terrified.

    01:08:30.16

    It was like so hot.

    01:08:33.64

    I feel like if we did it in like March or something and then like, I don’t know, I just think so.

    01:08:38.92

    My thing with Joshua Tree is I saw it whenever I went to National Zoos in Palm Springs and we went to Joshua Tree and it was in the dead of summer.

    01:08:45.56

    So it was hot as fuck.

    01:08:46.64

    But the way that like that park, it’s like as you’re driving through it, you’re going through like 7 different planets.

    01:08:51.08

    Like, the terrain changes like so many times and I think it’s just like so fucking cool.

    01:08:56.72

    And it’s such a creative space to be in where you’re like, get used to seeing something and then you’re seeing something completely new.

    01:09:03.12

    Whereas like, I don’t know, like the Blue Ridge.

    01:09:04.76

    Like, no offense, but like I beautiful.

    01:09:06.56

    Love it, but it’s like Skyline Drive is only so engaging.

    01:09:10.32

    After a certain point, I’m like, OK, cool.

    EK

    01:09:12.08

    It’s been the same thing over and over, no.

    BS

    01:09:13.84

    Really, it’s like more rolling hills, more mountains that are blue.

    01:09:17.52

    Cool.

    01:09:17.80

    But it’s like Joshua Tree.

    01:09:19.04

    It’s like, holy shit.

    01:09:20.84

    Wow, look at that rock.

    01:09:21.96

    Wow, look at that rock.

    01:09:23.28

    Look at that tarantula.

    01:09:24.40

    Like, you’re a kid.

    01:09:26.04

    Yeah, right.

    01:09:26.52

    Like you’re just like, whoa.

    EK

    01:09:27.72

    Beginner’s mind.

    BS

    01:09:29.08

    It’s like all of these, like really cool.

    01:09:30.88

    And I mean, it’s the desert.

    01:09:31.96

    So I think it’s like so cool to be in places where there’s not a lot and you fill that space.

    01:09:36.08

    Like, I just think that like, the desert is such a cool and, like, expansive place for creativity.

    EK

    01:09:42.24

    Oh my.

    BS

    01:09:42.52

    God, you know, yeah, but there’s Airbnb’s and stuff.

    01:09:46.36

    Like I was looking just out of curiosity cause I’ve been wanting to do something like this but it’s so far on like you know the list of like but it doesn’t have to be if I’m not doing it by myself, right?

    EK

    01:09:57.28

    Well, I’ve tried to start.

    01:09:58.36

    I’ve tried to have retreats so many times with like, different people, with by myself, whatever, whatever.

    01:10:03.20

    And it just like, it hasn’t, like gelled together.

    01:10:06.20

    Yeah.

    01:10:07.08

    And then in one of our earlier sessions, and you were saying something about how you had envisioned us working together somehow or something.

    01:10:14.68

    And I was like, that resonates, but I’m not sure yet how.

    01:10:18.80

    And then I started getting back on the podcast again, and I was like, OK, well, Britt’s definitely gonna be a guest.

    01:10:25.24

    But then, I don’t know when it when this thought occurred to me, but I was like that would be the most fun thing I will ever do.

    BS

    01:10:35.80

    ‘Cause it could be like, like you’re saying, like it could definitely have like, you know, the therapeutic and like, like Reiki, like all that stuff.

    01:10:42.80

    But I think like have and movement, of course.

    01:10:45.32

    But I feel like it could be like a very, like creative, like, you know, I think there’s so many yoga retreats and there’s so many like these, like very not simple, I hate to say simple, but it’s like, you know, you’re going, you know.

    EK

    01:10:55.84

    Exactly what’s what’s going to happen, right?

    BS

    01:10:57.84

    But I want to open the space for like, you know, creative stuff like maybe we’re like doing like, you know, you don’t have to, but it’s like, maybe we’re going to be like doing a creative writing little like, you know, journal party or something like just like.

    EK

    01:11:11.84

    Do you see the journals that I have?

    01:11:13.72

    I mean.

    BS

    01:11:14.36

    Yes, No.

    01:11:15.56

    Yes, we’ll bring them.

    01:11:16.60

    Yes.

    01:11:17.76

    No, exactly.

    01:11:19.56

    But it’s just like, I think it would be really cool to like, do what other people are doing or do what’s already done, but in like, but our way, our way.

    01:11:28.80

    Yeah, I think that would be so cool and I’d be so into it well.

    EK

    01:11:34.12

    Stay tuned everybody.

    BS

    01:11:35.36

    No, literally if you.

    EK

    01:11:36.08

    Wanna come on a retreat with the two of?

    BS

    01:11:37.60

    Us.

    01:11:38.00

    No.

    01:11:38.48

    Can you imagine?

    01:11:39.48

    I think we should.

    01:11:40.04

    What are?

    EK

    01:11:40.28

    Your big three, by the way, You’re a Scorpio Sun.

    BS

    01:11:42.56

    OK, yeah.

    01:11:43.60

    Scorpio Sun.

    01:11:45.48

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re right.

    01:11:47.16

    I’m sorry.

    01:11:47.48

    I was like, it’s not my son.

    01:11:48.56

    I don’t know.

    01:11:49.20

    My moon is in Pisces.

    01:11:51.76

    And yeah.

    EK

    01:11:52.56

    Baby, I told you I cry in public all the time.

    BS

    01:11:55.20

    I’m like me, I’m a real human.

    EK

    01:11:56.80

    Tears.

    01:11:57.56

    Pisces Moon is like literally today.

    01:11:59.08

    Right now too.

    BS

    01:11:59.96

    Is it actually?

    01:12:00.84

    Maybe that’s why I’m vibing so hard.

    01:12:02.32

    I’ve lucky I got here early, guys.

    01:12:04.28

    I literally rolled up.

    EK

    01:12:05.44

    Rang the doorbell in the middle of my my therapy session.

    01:12:08.56

    I was like, I was like, hello, I’m here.

    01:12:12.28

    I’m so coachy.

    01:12:12.92

    And she’s.

    01:12:13.24

    Yeah, the moon’s in Pisces today.

    01:12:14.72

    Oh my God.

    BS

    01:12:15.40

    Crazy hello?

    01:12:17.12

    What do I do with that?

    EK

    01:12:18.68

    You just be yourself.

    BS

    01:12:19.84

    And you know what?

    01:12:20.32

    That’s.

    EK

    01:12:20.92

    What we’re doing but my.

    BS

    01:12:22.28

    Rising is a Leo.

    EK

    01:12:24.52

    Duh, duh.

    01:12:27.48

    Yeah, I’m obsessed.

    01:12:28.88

    Yeah.

    01:12:29.04

    Oh my God.

    01:12:30.20

    My big three is Aquarius, Sun, Scorpio, Moon, Aquarius rising, all of my shits in Aquarius and Scorpio.

    01:12:38.76

    But Leo and Aquarius are sister signs.

    BS

    01:12:41.36

    Oh, that makes sense though, why we like I feel like the day that we met, IRLI was like, literally I was like not to love bomb you or anything, but you’re a vibe.

    EK

    01:12:53.08

    But like the feelings, mutual.

    BS

    01:12:54.72

    No.

    EK

    01:12:55.00

    Literally, I like talk about you at dinner.

    01:12:56.68

    I’m like, can’t wait to see what Brett says about my food.

    BS

    01:12:59.48

    Oh my God, shut up.

    01:13:01.84

    I love that.

    EK

    01:13:03.36

    Yeah, I mean, I think that and it’s been interesting because, you know, the gym has been part of my journey for years.

    01:13:11.24

    I mean, even in in college I joined a gym and I forget what box gym it was.

    01:13:16.00

    It might have been a why and my mom was like, why are you joining the gym?

    01:13:19.76

    I’m like, ma’am because I need to get myself together, you know?

    01:13:24.28

    And then she made me cancel it because it was like $70.00, ’cause this was like New York.

    01:13:29.84

    But anyway, the gym has been part of my journey, like on and off for such a long time.

    01:13:35.12

    And I’ve had personal trainers.

    01:13:36.68

    Like I’ve done all different kinds of things and support is always.

    01:13:41.80

    And as a therapist too, like, I know how important it is to have support and like people that know what they’re doing in that area.

    01:13:52.36

    And I just feel this is the first time working with somebody in this manner that I have felt like very.

    01:13:59.04

    And maybe it’s the app and the like, the combination of the app and personal training.

    01:14:03.16

    But I mean, like, I did that with the guy.

    01:14:05.20

    I had true coach with my coach at Crunch and I was like, I would do all the shit, but I was just like, I don’t fucking.

    BS

    01:14:12.40

    Care.

    EK

    01:14:13.04

    I mean there were sometimes that it was going fine.

    01:14:14.88

    But anyway, this is just the first time that I have felt like very seen and I don’t know like there was just this mutual kind of like like we kind of get each other even though we don’t, we didn’t like know each other that well.

    01:14:29.76

    But I just felt like understood.

    01:14:31.24

    And I felt not that I like completely understand you or anything, but like who who can ever really know, but like I just feel.

    BS

    01:14:41.28

    Yeah, like I.

    EK

    01:14:41.88

    Get where we’re coming from.

    01:14:43.32

    Yeah.

    01:14:43.60

    And same, Yeah.

    01:14:44.96

    Yeah.

    01:14:45.48

    And it just feels good to.

    01:14:48.84

    I just feel very like, motivated to keep going.

    01:14:51.44

    And I feel good about the accountability that you offer and like the feedback and like, yeah, like all that stuff.

    01:14:57.20

    So I’m so glad.

    01:14:58.48

    Yeah.

    01:14:59.36

    It’s just been like a really good experience.

    01:15:00.92

    I’m like, Oh my God, like and I just feel like, OK, like this is what I want to keep doing.

    BS

    01:15:04.56

    See.

    01:15:04.68

    And This is why my cup is so.

    EK

    01:15:05.72

    Full right ’cause you’re just.

    BS

    01:15:08.20

    Giving it right back, you know, like watching you grow and like be touched by, like the process is just like sometimes I like, don’t even know what to do with it.

    01:15:16.88

    Like I’m like me, like, why me?

    01:15:18.24

    Like, why do I get to hold that space like and share that with people you know?

    01:15:22.32

    So thank you because that is literally what drives my passion is like watching you be like, I feel seen and I feel like I’m doing shit and I feel like really good about it.

    01:15:32.72

    And I’m like, you deserve that.

    01:15:34.92

    Like, I’m so glad that I can, like, help you with that, you know?

    EK

    01:15:38.88

    Right.

    01:15:39.52

    Well, and it takes like, you know, being like, I guess you know what we were saying earlier about like, you returned home.

    01:15:45.84

    But like with all of that experience that you have had, it’s like it’s something that I’ve been wanting from the very beginning, from the first time I ever stepped in the gym and now you’re returning home, bitch.

    01:15:54.96

    This is like 20 years later.

    01:15:57.72

    I’m gonna be 38 in like 2 fucking weeks.

    01:16:02.20

    I joined a gym for the first time, probably when I’m 18 in college, feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing, what I just wanna be in shape or whatever.

    BS

    01:16:11.24

    Yeah.

    EK

    01:16:12.52

    And this is like literally the first time that I’m like you like get what I’m trying to achieve.

    BS

    01:16:19.00

    Yeah.

    EK

    01:16:20.20

    That’s pretty crazy.

    01:16:21.56

    How can you go 20 years?

    01:16:24.44

    I mean, people go their entire lives without for.

    BS

    01:16:27.08

    Sure.

    01:16:28.12

    No, they do.

    EK

    01:16:28.64

    Having like truth or clarity or whatever.

    01:16:30.80

    But like yeah, it’s just and I mean maybe I’m like you know in this perspective that I have on it today it feels like I’ve never got anywhere before but like that’s not true.

    01:16:39.96

    I’ve learned a ton from different people that I’ve worked with.

    01:16:43.84

    But yeah, this what we’re what we’re doing just feels like very holistic, like a very like the the whole like seeing it from different angles, not just like just this or just this, it’s like.

    BS

    01:16:57.48

    Yeah, ’cause I feel like it’s not black and white, and I think that’s where people get stuck, is when they view their, like, nutrition and their fitness or like, their health in general is just like this, good or bad.

    01:17:07.60

    I’m like, doing all these things where I’m not, you know?

    01:17:10.16

    But it’s like, it’s really how you approach it.

    01:17:13.48

    Like we were talking about, man, like you got a doggy style sometimes.

    01:17:17.08

    Like, you can’t missionary all the time and expect to, like, get anywhere new, right?

    EK

    01:17:23.56

    Have a new experience.

    01:17:24.52

    Have a new sensation.

    BS

    01:17:25.40

    No, exactly.

    01:17:26.36

    We’re trying to approach her from all these different angles and acknowledging all that she has to offer.

    01:17:34.68

    Yeah, And seeing her for everything, Right.

    01:17:38.16

    Sorry to sexualize it, I mean.

    EK

    01:17:41.20

    People are into it.

    01:17:42.16

    Not me.

    01:17:42.52

    You know, I’m just kidding.

    01:17:44.56

    Shut up.

    01:17:44.92

    I mean, my moon is in Scorpio, so.

    01:17:47.44

    But, you know, antidepressants has wreaked havoc.

    01:17:50.64

    Damn.

    01:17:50.84

    Not the SSRI.

    01:17:52.76

    I’m on an SNRI, ’cause we working with the norepinephrine up in this bitch.

    01:17:57.52

    She’s she’s doing something, but she’s dampening down the libido for sure.

    BS

    01:18:02.76

    Well, you know, the more we, the more we like, you know, feel good at the gym.

    01:18:07.80

    I’m telling you, you’re a libido like dog right before I used to compete and stuff.

    01:18:11.80

    Like when your body actually gets to like that place where you’re like have been lifting for like a certain period of time and like your, you know, testosterone levels, like your hormones start to change just a little bit and like your favor.

    01:18:22.12

    And then dog, I was a fucky.

    01:18:24.80

    Like, I mean you were out there, couldn’t stop me.

    01:18:27.88

    Yeah, that’s for sure.

    01:18:29.04

    I love that.

    01:18:29.76

    But I yeah, I do love that for you.

    01:18:31.72

    Thank you.

    01:18:32.12

    And I I want that for you.

    EK

    01:18:33.76

    Yeah, it’s coming.

    01:18:34.80

    It’s coming.

    01:18:35.64

    It’s just like that’s, that’s what she said.

    01:18:38.68

    It’s coming.

    BS

    01:18:40.28

    It’s coming.

    EK

    01:18:41.40

    Oh no, it’s on the way.

    01:18:43.32

    But yeah, it’s it can take some like it’s just a weird, I don’t know and I don’t really want to go too much more into that, but.

    BS

    01:18:50.60

    But anyway, yeah.

    EK

    01:18:53.40

    But no, it’s like, it’s it’s fun to explore myself, you know, in this different way.

    01:19:00.60

    That’s like, I think a lot of, like what my clients struggle with too is like not feeling powerful and, you know, getting taken advantage of being violated, like being hurt, being traumatized, being victimized.

    01:19:15.16

    And like, I think that, you know, the work that I do helps them reclaim that in like, they’re kind of like mental and like kind of in their physical space, especially when we’re doing EMDR, it helps change some sensations.

    01:19:27.76

    But I always encourage my clients.

    01:19:29.44

    Like, health is a holistic thing.

    01:19:31.36

    Like, this is mental health that we’re doing here.

    01:19:33.12

    And it’s like somewhat physical health.

    01:19:35.04

    But like there’s other things in your life that if they’re missing, you might need to like, add those in so that this work that we’re doing feels more beneficial.

    01:19:46.48

    So like, maybe you need to lift weights, maybe you need to go running, maybe you need to punch someone in the fucking face.

    01:19:52.08

    Like, maybe you need to set boundaries.

    01:19:54.20

    Maybe you need to like tell people no and like when people you know take advantage of you or do some some fuck shit like call them out.

    01:20:03.24

    Yeah, who the fuck are?

    BS

    01:20:04.24

    They.

    01:20:04.68

    Yeah.

    01:20:05.60

    Are you kidding me?

    01:20:06.24

    I think the more you, like, have power, the more you have, like, audacity to, like, do those things, you know, like we’re just running around chock full of it, right?

    EK

    01:20:16.56

    I have plenty audacity to give to my clients.

    BS

    01:20:18.60

    No, exactly.

    01:20:19.80

    I’m like please here’s the.

    EK

    01:20:21.40

    Script.

    01:20:22.32

    No, literally.

    01:20:23.04

    Here’s the script off Yeah, Like, you don’t need to be.

    01:20:27.80

    Like, every single person on this planet has just as much right to be here as everybody else.

    01:20:31.84

    Like, you don’t need to put yourself down.

    01:20:35.08

    Make yourself small for anybody.

    01:20:37.40

    For who?

    01:20:38.36

    Why?

    01:20:38.56

    Yeah, it’s like.

    BS

    01:20:40.68

    They don’t need any more air than you do, right?

    01:20:43.08

    Like you deserve.

    EK

    01:20:43.80

    It yeah, there’s no point.

    01:20:45.00

    So and and like that I think is something that gets socialized into and most of my clients are women and they identify as women.

    01:20:52.76

    I think it’s something that gets socialized into people that like, they should be small, they should be polite.

    01:20:57.08

    They should be all these things and put other people’s needs above theirs.

    01:21:00.88

    Yeah, I’m like, but yeah.

    01:21:02.32

    Why?

    01:21:02.88

    Like who is that serving?

    01:21:05.00

    Not you.

    01:21:05.72

    And like, if you’re a mom, not your kids.

    BS

    01:21:07.92

    Yeah.

    EK

    01:21:08.84

    And if you’re a wife, not your husband, like, who cares?

    01:21:13.76

    So anyway.

    01:21:16.12

    But having this experience has helped me.

    01:21:18.64

    I definitely like in the past I’d always find some like little dark corner of the gym and like go work out there.

    01:21:25.12

    And I still do that.

    01:21:26.20

    Sometimes when I’m just like, I need to not have like eye pollution or like nose pollution.

    01:21:31.68

    But like today, I was just like taking up all the space.

    BS

    01:21:36.00

    In the middle.

    EK

    01:21:36.64

    Of like the gym where all the free weights are and like the men are kind of like waiting and like going around me and I’m like.

    BS

    01:21:44.28

    Good.

    01:21:44.44

    You should like, literally.

    01:21:47.32

    Not that everybody doesn’t deserve space, but.

    EK

    01:21:49.28

    No, they deserve space.

    01:21:50.28

    But like, I’m gonna take up my space too.

    BS

    01:21:52.24

    And then you can figure out how you want to use yours around it, right?

    01:21:55.20

    Exactly.

    01:21:55.84

    That’s their thing to figure out, right?

    01:21:57.72

    You know.

    EK

    01:21:58.08

    I was noticing I was using the lat machine and I noticed a guy like wanted it and I was doing my Romanian at 1 1/2 bed things.

    01:22:07.40

    I was switching those off for some reason.

    01:22:09.00

    I don’t know in my mind I got it wrong.

    01:22:10.72

    But anyway that’s what I was doing.

    01:22:11.92

    Yeah, And I noticed him like wanting the machine, and I was just like looking him dead in the eyes.

    01:22:17.84

    Like, like.

    BS

    01:22:18.92

    I’ll be done when I’m.

    EK

    01:22:19.92

    Done like I I have some more time on this.

    01:22:24.28

    Like I have waited for so many people.

    BS

    01:22:27.04

    Yeah, you know.

    EK

    01:22:28.68

    And it’s just like, that’s just how it is.

    01:22:30.52

    And I’m like, but in my mind, the way that I was socialized, it’s like, oh, he deserves it more than me.

    01:22:37.12

    Let me get out of the way.

    01:22:38.52

    I’m like, deserves like, shut up.

    01:22:42.64

    I literally pay my monthly just like you membership fee.

    01:22:46.88

    And I might pay more than you, ’cause I have the top tier, ’cause that’s the kind of bitch I am.

    01:22:51.36

    OK, I feel that top tier, OK Oh yeah.

    01:22:55.24

    And your podcast is called Top Energy.

    01:22:57.48

    Yeah.

    BS

    01:22:59.32

    Top energy, Yeah, Everything we were just talking about, Yeah.

    01:23:02.28

    I feel like, yeah, I’m really not a top.

    01:23:05.20

    Like, I don’t.

    01:23:05.84

    You’re not.

    01:23:06.92

    I mean, I’ll top sometimes.

    01:23:08.12

    I feel like whenever I was in my little slutty age era and I was like hooking up with, you know, random people, I would definitely like talk more, but I was also drinking more.

    01:23:17.44

    So but no.

    EK

    01:23:19.12

    Yeah, the inhibition goes out the window.

    BS

    01:23:20.68

    And I’m like, bend over.

    01:23:22.20

    No, I didn’t like, get over here a little girl.

    01:23:26.00

    But I feel like by nature.

    01:23:29.28

    Yeah.

    01:23:29.48

    No, I definitely prefer receiving.

    01:23:31.56

    So I’m definitely more of a bottom in the bedroom, you know?

    01:23:34.60

    Gotcha.

    01:23:35.08

    Yeah.

    01:23:35.44

    But I’m a top everywhere else, so no, I’m confused.

    EK

    01:23:39.04

    Oh yeah.

    01:23:39.40

    I mean, when I saw the name of it, I was like, that does not confuse me at all.

    01:23:43.40

    That makes perfect sense.

    01:23:45.84

    She they’re a top.

    01:23:47.28

    They’re a top.

    01:23:47.76

    No, Literally, Yeah.

    01:23:49.84

    So was there anything else that when I invited you to come on the podcast that you felt like you wanted to share or that you wanted to talk about?

    01:23:58.04

    Or do you feel like we kind of, I feel like we covered?

    BS

    01:24:00.84

    A lot of it.

    01:24:01.48

    I think that I’m excited to do another episode at some point.

    01:24:06.88

    Yeah.

    01:24:07.48

    With like, I don’t know.

    01:24:08.56

    I just feel like we talk well.

    01:24:10.52

    Oh yeah, Like I feel like it flowed so well.

    01:24:12.84

    Yeah, again, yeah.

    01:24:14.84

    But no, I feel like, I feel like we touched on everything that organically was touched.

    EK

    01:24:21.04

    On Yeah, that was meant to be talked.

    BS

    01:24:22.68

    About Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

    01:24:24.36

    But I do think that everybody should fucking stay tuned for this retreat coming in 2025 or 2026, cause literally it’s gonna be cool.

    01:24:32.48

    Yeah, talk about top energy.

    EK

    01:24:33.88

    I cannot wait.

    01:24:34.72

    That’s gonna the top energy retreat, that’s all.

    BS

    01:24:36.84

    Energy retreat.

    01:24:37.40

    It’s going.

    EK

    01:24:37.84

    Downward return, home to the top energy retreat.

    BS

    01:24:41.24

    No, literally return home to your baddest fucking cell with the job energy receipt.

    01:24:46.08

    Oh.

    EK

    01:24:47.04

    Baddest already wrote the tagline.

    BS

    01:24:50.24

    Dude, yeah, the ads are going to be off the chain.

    EK

    01:24:53.00

    I cannot wait.

    01:24:53.68

    Oh my God.

    01:24:54.32

    OK, cool.

    01:24:55.28

    So tell everybody where they can find you.

    01:24:57.80

    OK, yeah.

    01:24:58.64

    All of your links, all of your apps, All of.

    BS

    01:25:01.36

    Get a pen and a piece of paper, ’cause I’ve caught like, we’ll wait, 5 Instagrams.

    EK

    01:25:06.88

    I don’t know how you manage all of those.

    01:25:08.40

    Oh my God.

    BS

    01:25:09.80

    So my personal Instagram is at Britt Stouts.

    01:25:15.04

    My business Instagram for personal training is at Resistance and Company.

    01:25:20.64

    If you’re interested in nutrition, coaching or recipes you can follow at Naughty and Nourished for photography, branding and designs with me and kid that’s gonna be at Stout’s Creative.

    01:25:32.84

    And then if you wanna follow my Top Energy podcast, it’s at Top Energy Pod and I only use Instagram so you can find me there.

    EK

    01:25:42.24

    So no Tiktok.

    01:25:43.84

    I have a Tiktok.

    BS

    01:25:44.88

    It’s at Brit Stout’s, but I’m not ready for all that.

    01:25:47.00

    Well, it’s a lot.

    01:25:47.84

    Yeah.

    01:25:48.12

    We’ll get there one day, yeah.

    EK

    01:25:49.96

    Well, and I’ll definitely link all of these in the show notes.

    01:25:52.28

    So I’ll, I’ll get you to like, excuse me, like send me all of the link.

    01:25:56.04

    So I’ll, I’ll have that all written out.

    01:25:57.80

    Cool.

    01:25:59.64

    And yeah, anything that you have coming up that you want people to know about.

    01:26:02.40

    So the top energy comes out in a month.

    BS

    01:26:04.12

    Yeah so Top Energy podcast is going to be launching on February 23rd so look out for that.

    01:26:10.24

    I do have some fun app based cycles that are gonna be picking up in the spring.

    01:26:14.68

    We’re gonna do like a little summer revival also.

    01:26:16.80

    So if you’re interested in like programming or personal training, just follow resistance and company cause we’ve got shit coming out literally all the time.

    01:26:25.64

    And then yeah, I mean just follow me, ’cause I don’t even know.

    01:26:28.72

    But that’s happening, yeah.

    EK

    01:26:31.12

    Speaking to that, like, I don’t plan any content, but like, things are always going on.

    01:26:34.44

    Something’s gonna.

    BS

    01:26:35.40

    Like, I’m definitely not just sitting still, so.

    EK

    01:26:37.20

    Yeah, for sure.

    01:26:38.80

    And I can attest that following all these accounts is very fun.

    BS

    01:26:41.40

    Oh my gosh.

    01:26:41.84

    Thanks, Celia, and thank you so much for having me on.

    01:26:44.16

    Oh my God.

    EK

    01:26:44.56

    Of course, this was very fun.

    01:26:46.32

    Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

    01:26:48.60

    And yeah, thank you so much.

    01:26:51.52

    Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode.

    01:26:54.52

    I hope that you learned a lot.

    01:26:55.92

    I hope that you got inspired.

    01:26:58.24

    And if you enjoyed what you heard, please go ahead to Apple Podcasts and leave a review.

    01:27:04.52

    Rate US five stars.

    01:27:06.12

    All of that goes a really long way.

    01:27:08.24

    So thank you so much for listening.

    01:27:09.92

    And we’ll look forward to seeing you on the next episode.

    01:27:12.56

    Bye.

    Powered by TranscribeKit

     

  • How Sobriety Changed My Life

    How Sobriety Changed My Life

    Listen On Spotify Here

    We all have a purpose in life, and we’re all perfectly capable of fulfilling that purpose. But there might be some hindrances that keep us from tapping into our potential. When you ignore these barriers and believe you’ll never be able to conquer them, you’re robbing yourself of the chance to grow and live the life you deserve.

    In the second episode of Returning Home, Elise talks about her journey to sobriety and the lessons she learned from it. She shares the effects of alcohol on her body, mind, relationships, and spirituality. She also reveals how sobriety helped her push past the barriers that kept her from connecting to herself, others, and her purpose.

    If you want to set yourself free through sobriety and facing yourself more honestly, then this episode on sobriety is for you.

    Elise's sobriety

    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

    1. Learn about the harmful effects of alcohol in four aspects.
    2. Discover how sobriety can empower you and set you on the path towards the life you deserve.
    3. Find out how you can get started on your own mindfulness journey.

    Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [01:08] Elise’s Journey to Sobriety

    In 2018 or 2019, Elise began meeting people who identified as sober and initially thought she could never be like them. Realizing the lessons in sobriety were things she needed to learn, she made the decision to become sober.

    While she doesn’t participate in activities within the sobriety community such as meetings, she believes that “sober” and “awake” are interchangeable terms. Sobriety helps you steer clear of things that make you numb and disconnected.

    [02:10] Making a Conscious Choice

    • Alcohol was taking Elise away from being who she wanted to be and made her unrecognizable to herself.
    • But, not being sober might apply differently to others. It could be overindulging in sweets, shopping too much, spending too much time in front of their screens, and other avoidant behaviors.

    Elise: “The important part, I think, when we talk about being sober or waking up is that you get honest with yourself about where you are and where you might be overdoing something in order to avoid important things in your life.”

    • Ask yourself how you want to spend your time and if you’re okay with the results of the things you choose to do.

    Once you’ve answered these questions, you can make the conscious choice to get rid of it fully into sobriety or do it in moderation.

    [03:30] The Biopsychosocial Spiritual Approach

    • For some people, drinking isn’t really a problem but there might be other barriers holding you back from being who you want to be.

    “Waking up” has meant achieving sobriety for Elise.

    • Social workers approach things using the biopsychosocial spiritual approach, which Elise uses to frame her understanding of the healing process.

    And so, she will tackle sobriety on how it affects four different parts: body, mind, community, and spirit.

    [04:47] How Alcohol Harmed Her Body

    • Keeping alcohol in her life kept her in a “fight, flight, or freeze” state.
    • With her sympathetic nervous system being constantly activated, she was unable to relax. It affected her nervous and digestive systems.
    • She realized that alcohol was doing harm to her body and that she didn’t want to constantly find herself back at square one in an uphill battle.

    [06:35] Partnering with Her Body

    • Elise began consciously thinking about what she could put into her body that will help it rather than hurt it.
    • While she has come to a number of realizations while quitting drinking, such as her struggle with body image, she’s ready to go on this journey to heal those issues.
    • She loves being able to partner with her body and become closer to it after she stopped drinking.
    • While she still struggles with ingesting sweets, she’s able to look at herself and these patterns with awareness and thus make healthier choices.

    [08:07] The Effects of Alcohol on Her Mind

    • Alcohol completely disconnected her from her mind.
    • When she drinks, she tends to lash out at people and make stupid decisions that spirals her into regret, self-hatred, and doubt.
    • She realized that some of those issues that she felt ashamed about, such as fighting with others, were blown out of proportion in her mind.

    [10:14] The Effects of Sobriety on Her Mind

    Sobriety helped give her perspective and stop beating herself up.

    • When she looks back on certain events, she is finally able to feel proud of how she carried herself and treated other people.
    • The inner critic is still present, but not as severe as before.

    She was emboldened by sobriety, taking responsibility for her own actions and accomplishing her dream of starting her own business.

    • She realized that some of those issues were blown out of proportion in her mind.

    [11:29] Sobriety and Dreams

    After achieving sobriety, she would get nightmares where she was drinking but then wake up relieved that it never happened.

    • She’s dreamed about things that happened in the past as well, but this time, she is in the right headspace to filter them and forgive herself rather than feel shame.

    Elise: “What’s coming is going. Because it’s coming up, I can filter it out. I can forgive myself for it. I’m not drinking to forget these things anymore. And I’m able to remember, so I can filter out what no longer serves me…”

    • We are all connected and healing happens at different levels.

    [13:28] How Alcohol Alienates

    • Drinking alienated Elise from herself, turning her into a different person.
    • One of her friends recalls being able to see the change in her face when she had drunk too much, and Elise hated to think how much she hurt her friends.

    Listen to the full episode to hear the story of how drinking on New Year’s Eve in 2019 on her partner’s birthday made her decide to start her sobriety journey.

    [17:23] How Sobriety Connects You to Others

    • On January 1, 2020, she reached out to sober friends and asked for advice.
    • She realized she was capable of being with other people sober, something she thought was impossible before, and that excited her.
    • Being able to connect with other people while sober made her realize that was the kind of community building she wanted to do.

    [19:25] Sobriety and Spirituality

    • Living awake is the biggest lesson.
    • She wants to be awake and while she does numb out to cope occasionally, she has realized that drinking stops her from raising her consciousness.

    In 2018, after achieving sobriety, she started her mindfulness journey.

    [21:12] Connecting to Her Higher Self

    After achieving sobriety, Elise felt more connected and awake, thus more open to receiving spiritual teachings and lessons.

    • She’s also able to see herself within the larger universal oneness, the greater whole of which we’re all small parts.

    Elise: “There is this collective unconscious, we are all smaller parts of a greater whole, and I want to be connected to that whole. So not drinking keeps me aligned with that desire.”

    • With that newfound connection, she was able to serve her clients in her therapy practice at a higher level.
    • She’s also opening up to more coaching and taking inspired action, thus serving her mission and connecting to her spiritual identity.

    [23:23] Elise’s Mission

    • She wonders what our missions are as individuals.
    • For Elise, she finds it important to be connected with her mission, her purpose, and her spiritual identity.

    Thanks to sobriety, she was finally able to connect with nature and the world.

    Quitting alcohol or achieving sobriety is always difficult at first, but she knows that she can go the rest of her life without drinking now that she’s almost two years clean.

    • She already drank enough alcohol to last her a lifetime, so she doesn’t feel like she’s missing out and decided it’s enough.

    [25:34] Elise’s Awakening Journey

    There is so much more to gain without alcohol and living a life of sobriety.

    • Elise is aware that she has so much life and untapped potential, and not drinking will bring her closer to those goals.
    • It will be different for everyone, but we all have the ability to tap into our potential.
    • Being happy and taking care of yourself helps inspire and uplift others, raising their consciousness and helping them live the way they deserve.

    Elise: “… by me being happy and me taking care of myself, it actually inspires other people and I can help lift those people up around me. Like it’s, we’re meant to do this thing, right? It’s our birthright to live in a way that is healthiest and best for us…”

    Enjoyed this Episode?

    If you enjoyed this podcast on sobriety and pushing past the barriers to connecting with yourself and others, please make sure to subscribe and share it!

    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode on sobriety, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself. 

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com. 

    Thank you so much for listening to this episode on sobriety! For more episode updates, visit my website.

    Podcast Transcript

    Elise Kindya: Welcome to Returning Home: The Podcast. My name is Elise Kindya, and I am a trauma-informed and intuitive therapist. This podcast is a space that I have created for you to discover a deeper understanding and love for yourself, which leads to expanding what you think is possible in your own life. My goal is for you to feel excited to live your life as your full, authentic self. 

    By listening to these episodes, you will learn things like how your brain works, my favorite resources for healing, stories from my own life, practices that you can press play on to add to your healing toolkit, and so much more. I invite you to return home to yourself in big and small ways to live the life you desire on your terms. You can live connected, empowered, and aligned. When you return home to yourself, anything is possible. 

    I can’t wait to share all of my insights with you. Now, let’s begin.

    Hello, and welcome to episode two of the Returning Home: The Podcast. I’m excited about the topic of this podcast, because it’s about my journey to stop drinking. This podcast is titled Top Four Lessons from Sobriety. I remember years ago, probably 2018 and 2019 was when I was really meeting people that kind of identified as sober. And I would be like what it was like that could never be me. And then I actually decided to become sober. 

    And it was like, oh, yeah, these are my lessons that I need to learn. You know, I don’t necessarily identify as, like being in the sobriety community, in terms of like AA meetings and things like that. For me, I feel like you could really interchange the word sober with awake. And I believe that these lessons are some that you could apply to whatever the thing is that you’re doing that keeps you numb and disconnected.

    For me, I just realized that alcohol was that thing that would take me away from being who I want to be, and showing up how I want to show up, and would make me somebody that I just, like, didn’t recognize. For you, it could be something like shopping beyond your means, or overindulging in sweets, or spending time on your screens, you know, watching 25 episodes of a show and on, on Netflix and things like that other avoidant behavior.

    The important part I think, when we talk about being sober or waking up, is that you get honest with yourself about where you are, and where you might be overdoing something in order to avoid important things in your life. And to decide, is this what I want to be doing with my time? Is this a decision I want to be making? Knowing what the result is. Like, am I okay with doing this thing? Knowing that it takes me further away from who I want to be.

    So deciding that and then choosing accordingly, choosing how you want to show up. And you know, is it something that you do want to get rid of fully? Or is it something more, like occasional that you would do? But yeah, like I’ve talked with so many people for whom drinking just really isn’t a problem. But there’s something else that they realized gets in the way of them being their best self and that they really aren’t willing to live with that result that’s holding them back in that particular way anymore. 

    So again, this is more of like, waking up, as opposed to sobriety. But for me, it has been becoming sober. Like I’m not really interested in drinking alcohol in any way anymore. I’m organizing these lessons today in four different parts, body, mind, community, and spirit. Because I’m a social worker, we approach things in a way that’s called the biopsychosocial-spiritual approach. 

    And this is how I kind of frame my understanding of the healing process in terms of like, yeah, how it affects our body, mind, soul, and spirit, or community and spirit. I’ll be thinking through this issue or question of sobriety in my life in this episode. And I’ll probably frame other things in future episodes using this bio psychosocial spiritual approach, just because it’s what resonates with me and it resonates with what I like to offer. 

    Okay, so jumping to the lessons that I’ve learned in terms of my body, so this is like the first lesson, so to say. I felt like keeping alcohol In my life was keeping me in a state of fight, flight, and freeze. I was keeping my sympathetic nervous system activated. And I wasn’t able to, like, relax. And sure I still drink caffeine, I still eat sugar, like there are definitely things that I do in my life that might continue to keep that sympathetic nervous system activated. And it’s supposed to be activated sometimes. 

    But, I was learning about how alcohol is such a toxin. And it’s doing so much harm to our bodies and to our nervous system, to our digestive system. You know, our liver and all of this, that was something that as I was receiving healing to from different people, whether it was acupuncture, or Reiki or massage, or reflexology, you know, it was coming up a lot like, “what’s going on with your liver?” 

    And I’m like, ‘I don’t know, you tell me.’ But I thought you know what alcohol is something that I ingest very regularly. And it’s definitely not doing me any favors with my liver. So I decided to stop ingesting alcohol, for that reason. It really helped open my eyes and give me some awareness that choosing to ingest alcohol was putting my body back at square one, every time that I drink. 

    That, the thought of that just completely morphed my desire, I was like, I don’t want to be back at square one. Every time I don’t want to keep having to climb this uphill battle, I realized I was hurting myself every time like that is self-harm to me. I would really try to think about what I can put in my body that’s going to help it rather than hurt it. In my own life, like, my body is the thing I struggle with the most.

    I am an Air sign like I’m an Aquarius, sun. I’m an Aquarius, rising, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, like, you know. I don’t like being in my body. And I realized I just keep hurting myself by doing this really not nice thing to my body. So I’ve always had body image issues, and not drinking has brought a lot of that up to the surface. To be honest, it’s like, what’s coming is going, what’s coming up is ready to be healed.

    So I’m honestly, like, here for this journey. And these realizations that have been coming up as I stopped drinking. So I’m partnering with my body. I love that not drinking is something that has brought me closer to my body. And like I mentioned, I still do struggle with ingesting sweets and things like that. But not drinking alcohol, I’m able to look at these patterns with my eyes more fully open, and be able to make healthier choices from a place of being awake.

    Not ingesting alcohol has taught me to partner with my body as opposed to fight it, or to see it as an enemy. And this has been so important for me. So the second lesson in terms of my mind, wow. Like I said, I’m an Aquarius, I love hanging out of my mind. I’m in my mind all day long. And drinking completely disconnected me from my mind, I become like a different person. When I drink, I fight with people, I make stupid decisions. 

    And this kind of thing leads to a cascade of regret, self-hatred, questioning myself, just spending so much time beating myself up in my head. So you know, I would have like a night of drinking, where I would drink six hours, eight hours. I mean, in college, I would drink like 340s of beer, you know, 120 ounces. And just, you know, sometimes get blacked out, sometimes scream at people, you know, all kinds of stuff.

    So then the next day or two after drinking, I would spend so much time texting people apologizing to them for my behavior. And I would just be living in this, like, shame blanket, then I would need to numb this pain usually choosing to do so with drinking again. And the cycle would just start over. I just can think back on that time and feel like my mind was so jumbled and chaotic when I would drink and the coming down after drinking, right.

    And even now when I think back on those times, I do still feel some shame. I have reached out to a lot of the people who were affected when I would drink and I have tried to make some types of amends. And I’ve realized about myself, too, is that like this whole cycle of, like, feeling really bad about this thing that I did like that was me, in my mind, blowing that out of proportion in my own mind. 

    And so a lot of times it really wasn’t that big of a deal to somebody else, but it would feel like a huge issue to me. And so I would go back and, like, apologize to all these people. And they’re just like, Yeah, okay, like, it’s fine, like, don’t worry about it. But for me, like, I would spend a lot of time worrying about it. So when I stopped drinking, I was really able to put that into perspective. 

    I wasn’t constantly beating myself up for my behavior, I wasn’t constantly being so mean to myself in my own head. And now that I don’t drink, I can look back on a night, an event, something like that, and I can feel proud of how I’ve carried myself and how I treat other people. I don’t hold myself back in my own mind as much anymore. I mean, there’s definitely, you know, I’ve definitely got the inner critic in there.

    But you know, it’s not, it’s not to the same extent in any way, shape, or form. I’ve just noticed that I’m so much more brave, I take more chances. And I take more responsibility in my life and for myself, since I don’t drink anymore. And that has been so amazing. Like, in the time that I stopped drinking, I started my own business, and I completely support myself, you know, in terms of like, I work for myself, I’m an entrepreneur.

    And yeah, that has been like a dream of mine forever. And I always held myself back from doing it. And then I finally did it. And it’s like, oh, I do know how to do this. Like, that’s awesome. So that has been huge. And another piece about the lessons I’ve learned in healing in the mind is my dream space. I post about this on social media somewhat regularly. So you might have heard about my dreams, since becoming sober.

    I have these nightmares where I imagine that I’ve been drinking. And then I’m like, so panicked. I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ But then when I wake up, I’m like, so relieved that it hasn’t happened. And so that’s one piece of, you know, that’s just like a funny part of dreams after stopping drinking. But another thing is over the last, so I haven’t had a drink for over a year and nine months. I’m recording this episode at the end of October of 2021.

    And over these last months, I have dreams about things that have happened in the past, like things that I’m ashamed of, or like people from the past. And as I said before, like what’s coming is going, because it’s coming up, I can filter it out, I can forgive myself for it. I’m not drinking to forget these things anymore. And I’m able to remember, so I can filter out what no longer serves me on a conscious as well as a subconscious level.

    So this will, this also kind of veers into a spiritual lesson as well as a community lesson. And I will talk about this a little bit more as I jump into the community lesson, and later on at the spiritual level. And as I will mention, later on, I do think we’re all connected and healing is happening at different levels simultaneously. All these lessons I’ve learned for the mind is just like sobriety has let me return home to myself.

    And here we are in The Returning Home: The Podcast. Right? So, the third lesson when it comes to community, and it’s kind of similar to lessons from the mind. I kind of mentioned it a little bit, but I felt like drinking was me alienating myself. So I wasn’t me, drink… When I drink, I’m not a nice person. And when I would drink, there is definitely an aspect of self-medicating for anxiety, like I was trying to fit in.

    Or as I mentioned on my, on a previous podcast episode, and as you might know, about me, I post about this as well is, like, I feel like the black sheep, I feel like I never fit in. I feel like you know, I’m just so different. And when I would be going to a social event or something like that I would drink to alleviate that feeling and try to fit in. But it would just end up I would always take it too far.

    I mean always is a strong word, but really like it was very, very often I would drink too much. And it would end with me acting, like, wild or reckless or I would isolate myself due to my behavior. I would do something to alienate myself, like, get the spins and fall onto the table where all the food was. I remember that one time. It’s embarrassing or like I would drink to try to fit in somewhere and then drink to the point of like, crying like I would be too sad to be there.

    I felt like my friends were so fed up. And they had to deal with so much from me in terms of like, I just made things harder. And so when I did quit drinking, and I was like, talking to different friends about this, one of my friends said, she remembered, you know, having these nights out with me, and like, this is in New York City, right. And so it’s just like crazy all the time.

    But she would say, like she could see on my face, when she could tell I’ve had too much to drink. Like, I would be having a great time laughing, you know, in the conversation, just like happy go lucky. And then she could see this, like, change, come over my face, like a switch flipped. And I was just a completely different person. You could see this like shroud came over and she’s like, I could see this, your eyes were different, I could just see it.

    And I hated that. Like, I hate it to think how much I was hurting my friends, and getting in the way of us having a good time. The last night that I drank on New Year’s Eve, you know, going from 2019 to 2020. And that’s my partner’s birthday, New Year’s Eve, we were out at a bar, like we had gone to a party. And then I was like, I want to party more. And so we went to a bar. And of course, New Year’s Eve, like you can’t get an Uber home.

    So we had to walk. And it wasn’t that far, like we live maybe a mile from the bar that we went to but you know, I’m like, wasted. I probably had seven glasses of wine or something like that. And I’m like, pissed, right? And so we’re walking home, and I’m just like yelling, and I’m kind of yelling at him. But I’m also just like yelling because I’m mad like screaming into the void. Just like why, what, and you know, my language was definitely colorful.

    I won’t repeat everything that I said. But I was just like, pissed off that we had to walk. And that we couldn’t get an Uber and I’m just like, what the f you know, but then I woke up the next day. And I was like, this is a problem. Like, I shouldn’t be doing this. I don’t want to be yelling at my partner on his birthday, walking home. Like that was just like, not who I wanted to be. So I decided I didn’t want to be alienated in that way anymore.

    I didn’t want to upset the people in my life anymore. I didn’t want to let myself down. Like I just was sick of this pattern. And so this is January 1 of 2020. And I started texting people that I knew were sober. And just was asking them for, like, any help or any advice that they could provide. And some people texted me back and like people sent me you know, encouragement, and maybe a couple of resources and books and stuff like that.

    But my friend Ali met up with me, like that day or the next day, and we spent two hours talking like it was, it was so amazing, I felt so supported. I felt so understood, I felt so seen. And I was like, wow, I really could be with other people sober. I could be awake to my life. This is the kind of community building that I want to do. I want to be with people that are sober. And I’m okay with hanging out with people that drink. Like that’s not a problem.

    You know, I became sober at the beginning of 2020. So you know, I had three months of, like, hanging out with people before we went into quarantine. And I’m totally fine. Even like at my own birthday party that year. I think people were drinking, I don’t even know. Yeah, they probably were. I’m fine with that. And it wasn’t something that I ever had considered before. Like I said, at the beginning of this podcast episode, I was always like, being sober could never be me. 

    Like, I couldn’t imagine going to any social situations and not drinking. But once I made that decision in my mind, like a switch really did flip. And I was like, I can of course do that. Like that’s not a problem. And I haven’t had a drink since. So it was really exciting to feel like oh, I can be with other people and not drink. Because of this whole feeling of feeling like the black sheep, I never imagined that could be possible for me.

    So it was just really exciting to have that conversation with Allie and just subsequent connections that I’ve made since then. But, really like showing up for myself too, and being like, oh, I can make these decisions for myself. It’s fine. And this kind of brings me into the fourth lesson around spirituality. I realized that living awake was the biggest lesson like I wanted to be awake. I don’t want to numb out. I still do in some ways. You know, I’m only human.

    I need to have some coping skills in this life. However, drinking completely disconnects me from my mission in life, which is to help other people and myself raise our consciousness. If I want to raise my consciousness, I can’t do that while ingesting alcohol like me, Elise Kindya, cannot do that. It takes me away from my best self, it disconnects me from my highest self. And I want to be an open channel to source to Universal Intelligence, you know, whatever you want to call it.

    I’m a spiritual person, I never made space for being spiritual before. And well, in such a way, like I was always interested in, like, the Tarot. And when I went to psychics and got my, you know, got my tarot cards read and went to Reiki practitioners and things like that, but I never saw myself as being able to be the channel for that.

    And it started, I probably started opening up to that more in like 2018, 2019 and even on my mindfulness journey, like starting even back in 2016. But it really wasn’t coming online till like 2018, 2019. Once I became sober, so that’s January 1, 2020, it really just kind of went, like, on more fast forward.

    I just feel much more connected and awake, I feel more available to any teachings or lessons or downloads that I get, I’m not numbing with alcohol, I’m not closing myself off. And like this is more personal to me. You know, I do think that there are people out there that you know, they don’t have a big problem with alcohol. But for me personally, it cuts me off to my greater self, to my higher self to this spiritual entity that is like outside of me, that I want to be connected to.

    So quitting drinking has been something I’ve done to strengthen my relationship with spirit. I didn’t know it at the time, like I said, but my ability to perceive has grown so much stronger. And I’m able to see myself as part of this larger universal oneness as the Buddhist tradition upholds as well as the teachings of Carl Jung, you know, there is this collective unconscious, we are all smaller parts of a greater whole, and I want to be connected to that hole.

    So not drinking keeps me aligned with that desire. And with that connection that I have discovered, and that I’ve cultivated. It helps me serve my clients at a higher level. It helps me open up to what else I could offer clients. This is something that will be unfolding here soon is, you know, yes, I have a therapy practice. And I love working with my therapy clients, and I’m opening myself up to more coaching and more, you know, taking aligned, inspired action type of things and helping people move through that taking big leaps of faith in your life.

    And this all so much for me is connected to my spiritual identity and to my bigger mission in life. This has been like I said, the biggest lesson for me is just realizing like, Yes, I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I don’t know about reincarnation, like, who really knows this on a conscious level. But I wonder like, what are these different missions that we’re here in life to do?

    You know, and I, for me, it’s been really important to be connected to my mission and to be connected to my purpose, and to be connected to my spiritual identity and to my spiritual knowing. And so not drinking has just been like everything with that, you know, I can go out into nature and really feel myself as part of nature, where I didn’t have that connection before. And especially being you know, you used to live in New York City, like, you know, everything’s concrete, and it smells like garbage.

    And it’s just like, oh, no offense if you live there. But, you know, I can go outside here and just feel so, you know, I am made up of all the elements, right? And we all are, we all have that. Just like it’s our birthright to feel at home, here on earth to hear in our bodies, here in our own minds, here in our communities, and in our spiritual identity. So, you know, overall, not drinking for me has been a decision that while it seemed really hard on the outset, I sit here over one year and nine months without drinking and I know that it’s like my path.

    I can go the rest of my life. There’s this one teacher from The Life Coach School, Brooke Castillo and she has an episode about not drinking and she said, you know, she doesn’t drink anymore. And she said something like, I’ve had enough drinks, enough alcohol to lasts me more than the rest of my lifetime.

    Like when I really think about, you know, if you think about what’s the definition of binge drinking, and it’s like, more than three drinks at a time and more than like, I don’t know, 15 drinks a week or something like that, then like you’re considered a binge drinker. And I’m like, Okay, well, I would have that much like, in one night of drinking, you know that should have lasted me a week, and I would have it at one time.

    So this isn’t to like, shame myself or judge myself. It’s just like, okay, yeah, that’s enough of that. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. And really, on the contrary, I feel that I have so much more to gain without alcohol, I know that I have so much more life left, I have so much untapped potential within me. And I know that a life without alcohol will get me closer to those goals. And so again, this might be different for you.

    But I hope that if you’re listening to this episode, that there is something within you that you do know, is untapped. And that you do know that there’s a way that you could tap into that potential, and that you’re allowed to like this your life. We’re all here to raise our consciousness so that we can help, like, lift other people up. This has been so important for me, is to realize that I’m allowed to be happy and by me being happy and me taking care of myself.

    It actually inspires other people and I can help lift those people up around me like it’s, we’re meant to do this thing, right. It’s our birthright to live in a way that is healthiest and best for us and it helps raise the consciousness of everyone on the planet. So that’s really what has inspired my you know “sobriety journey or my awakening journey,” and why I do want to continue. So thank you so much for tuning in to this episode today.

    I hope that you got something out of it. I would love to hear from you on social media, if you, you know, if something resonated with you, if you want to share if you’re thinking about, you know, entering the sobriety journey or the awakening journey, or if you’re already there and you have insights to share.

    I would just love to hear so definitely go follow me on social media and post. I’ll probably be making posts all along the way. So I’d love to hear, send me a DM something like that. But yeah, thank you for tuning in. And I will see you in the next episode.

  • Returning Home To Yourself From Childhood Trauma

    Returning Home To Yourself From Childhood Trauma

    Listen On Spotify Here

    Have you observed negative patterns in your behavior for reasons you can’t seem to pinpoint? Often, these stem from childhood trauma we think we have already buried or forgotten. That’s why sometimes, we can’t explain why we respond and behave to circumstances the way we do. Living our purpose as our authentic self requires healing from childhood trauma we don’t talk about. And more than anything, it starts with self-knowledge.

    In the first episode of Returning Home, Elise talks about how she became a therapist. She shares her own experiences of childhood trauma and how it has helped establish her vision as a therapist. Elise delves into Dr. Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics and the functions of the nervous system. Remember: childhood trauma healing is much more beyond the mindset. It requires work both in our body and our subconscious mind.

    If you want to be one step closer to healing from childhood trauma, then this episode is for you.

    returning home after childhood trauma
    Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode

    1. Learn the meaning behind the name “Returning Home” and how you can benefit from it.
    2. Discover the importance of learning about the nervous system’s different functions in understanding childhood trauma healing.
    3. Find out how mindfulness practice can help in healing from childhood trauma.

    Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [01:08] Returning Home: The Podcast

    • The rationale behind the podcast is to serve clients and people in the community around therapy.

    [01:34] Becoming a Therapist

    • Elise wants to be part of creating a world where people want to have self-knowledge.
    • Deep self-knowledge leads to love and acceptance of ourselves. It allows us to expand fully in our most authentic expression.
    • Elise became a therapist to get to know herself better and heal from things she’s experienced.
    • Becoming a therapist helped her step more fully into her life purpose.

    Elise: “Everybody deserves to be able to feel the freedom in life to express themselves and to pursue the knowledge of themselves and have access to resources to live as their most genuine, authentic self—doing things that align with their values and being able to live as their full, true identity.”

    [03:25] On Pain

    • Elise arrived at her vision of the world she wants to live in through pain.
    • Going through challenges and difficulties is part of the human condition.
    • Elise grew up afraid of the world, feeling like a misfit and a black sheep. 
    • There was a lack of connection and warmth in her family. Her anxious attachment style made it hard to connect with other people.
    • She came from a family of immigrants. One of her siblings committed suicide.

    Elise: “Hurt people hurt people, right? That people who are suffering tend to be the people that are inflicting suffering on other people.”

    [05:18] Alleviating Suffering through Therapy

    • Elise wanted to be somebody who could provide intervention and alleviate suffering through connection.
    • Her sister committing suicide put some things in perspective for her.
    • She wanted to be her true, authentic self. That Elise is someone she didn’t feel she had the permission or the example of how to connect with it.
    • Elise decided to go to graduate school and become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW).
    • She majored in Women and Gender Studies. It fed her love of learning and challenging the situations she gets immersed into.

    [07:00] Becoming A Licensed Clinical Social Worker

    • Elise opened her eyes to potential career paths and did information interviews.
    • She realized that the people who were doing the things she wanted to do were LCSW and therapists.

    [07:23] Discovering Trauma and Creating Her Own Life Path

    Going to graduate school made Elise discover the childhood trauma in her life. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) is a 10-question questionnaire around childhood trauma.

    • Elise scored 4 or 5 in ACEs. The highest score is a 10.
    • She wanted to be an example of what’s possible when you decide to take your life into your own hands.
    • Becoming a therapist was the way she could create her own path as well as her clients’.

    [09:14] Her Vision of Being a Therapist

    • Elise’s initial vision of therapy was a romanticized, cozy therapy office.
    • Her training included work with children in many experiential modalities.
    • The type of work Elise likes to do is creating warmth and safety in therapy for clients.
    • Her vision evolved and changed throughout the years.

    [11:37] Dr. Bruce Perry and the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics

    • Dr. Bruce Perry developed the theory called the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics.

    As a child psychologist, he is an expert in child development and the effects of childhood trauma on children’s brain development. Learning about the effects of trauma on children’s development changed Elise’s life.

    • The model focuses on the developing nervous system of fetuses, infants, and kids.

    [13:30] The Brain and Its Functions

    • The brain stem develops from the bottom up. It starts developing 16 days after conception.
    • It controls the heart rate, breathing, body temperature, and blood pressure.
    • The diencephalon cerebellum or the midbrain controls coordination, movement, balance, sleep, and appetite.
    • The limbic system controls the social and emotional skills of children between ages 3 to 12. It develops into adulthood.
    • Neocortex controls concrete thought, abstract thought, advanced thinking, and problem-solving. It doesn’t fully develop until the mid-20s.

    [16:31] Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics Approach

    Trauma-informed training and education around what goes on in the brain of developing kids are critical. The theory shows that children who have experienced childhood trauma have “pins” in the parts of their nervous system. It affects how the rest of the system develops.

    • The nervous system changes the way it develops on a chemical-biological level.

    [17:57] Childhood Trauma Healing Goes Beyond Mindset

    Trauma intervention and healing are so much more beyond mindset. Trauma has physical ramifications on the body and the subconscious mind. The top 5% of the mind is the conscious mind, while the bottom 95% is the unconscious mind. All childhood trauma is in the bottom 95%.

    • Our formative experiences impact how we see life. 

    We need to bring the body into work to heal from childhood trauma.

    Elise: “We need to bring a level of gentleness and a level of understanding and a level of compassion to our work. Because the choices that we make are more often than not very much caused by this unconscious process that’s happening that is beyond our ability to just think through it. We have to really work with the body.”

    [19:32] The Importance of Co-Regulation

    • Elise worked in a school and did intensive in-home counseling for at-risk youth. She used the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics approach in her work.
    • Infants need co-regulation when something triggers them. Time, intention, and education can help rewrite how the nervous system interacts.
    • Our brains can change, learn, and grow because of neuroplasticity. 

    Neuroplasticity allows us to become who we’re meant to be rather than a reflection of our childhood trauma.

    [22:20] Mindfulness Practice and Mental Health

    • Mindfulness practice and training helped Elise turn theory into practical, real healing.
    • She started practicing mindfulness seriously in 2016 through Mindful Schools.
    • Mindfulness helped her slow down and be in her body and experiences. It helped her face herself in an authentic, honest way.

    She stopped drinking in January 2020. A lot of her conditioning, traumas, and patterns have come to light in terms of healing from this experience.

    [24:35] Accountability and Ending Generational Trauma

    Generational trauma is real.

    • While accountability is critical, people do better when they know better. This knowledge should be on a learned level, not just on an intellectual level.
    • Decide to be the one who chooses not to perpetuate harmful patterns on future generations.
    • Forgiving people without letting them in your life is an acceptable approach to healing.
    • Inflicting harm to other people often roots from the subconscious and unconscious patterns people aren’t willing to see.

    [26:51] The Therapy Space

    • Elise’s vision as a therapist sometimes puts her at odds with therapy.
    • Therapy isn’t only about results. It’s more of a safe space to process and talk through life experiences while feeling seen, heard, and validated.
    • In Elise’s work, therapy also involves challenging clients to expand, learn, grow, and try things differently.
    • She ties together clients’ present circumstances and past experiences that have shaped them. Then, she helps them embody who they truly want to be.

    Enjoyed this Episode on Childhood Trauma?

    If you enjoyed this podcast, please make sure to subscribe and share it!

    Leave an episode review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning in to this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review. You can also share what you’ve learned today with your friends to help them embody their true, authentic selves. Anything is possible when you return home to yourself. 

    Have any questions or lightbulb moments? I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to hit me up on Instagram or send an email at elise@elisekindya.com. 

    Thank you so much for listening! For more episode updates, visit my website. 

    Podcast Transcript on Childhood Trauma

    Elise Kindya: Welcome to Returning Home, the Podcast. My name is Elise Kindya, and I am a trauma-informed and intuitive therapist. This podcast is a space that I have created for you to discover a deeper understanding and love for yourself, which leads to expanding what you think is possible in your own life. My goal is for you to feel excited to live your life as your full, authentic self. 

    By listening to these episodes, you will learn things like how your brain works, my favorite resources for healing, stories from my own life, practices that you can press play on to add to your healing toolkit, and so much more. I invite you to return home to yourself in big and small ways to live the life you desire on your terms. You can live connected, empowered, and aligned. When you return home to yourself anything is possible. I can’t wait to share all of my insights with you. Now let’s begin.

    Welcome to episode one of Returning Home, the podcast. I’m so excited that you’re here and that this is getting done. Making a podcast is something that’s been on my mind for a while. When I think about why I want to make a podcast, it’s really to serve my clients and other people in my community around what are we doing. The place that I really want to start is my story as to why I became a therapist. 

    There’s a specific psychological theory, a model of working with people that when I learned about it in grad school, my mind was just blown. I really want to talk about that in a little bit more depth here. I’m gonna let you in on some things, kind of pull back the curtain a little bit. 

    When I think about what kind of world I want to be part of creating, it really speaks to my desire to become a therapist, and why I’m here. So the type of world that I want to be part of creating is where people want to have self-knowledge. I believe that knowledge is power. I believe that when we know better, we do better. I think that when we have this deep self-knowledge, then that can lead to love and acceptance of ourselves in order to expand fully into our most authentic expression. 

    So why I became a therapist was I wanted to get to know myself better. I wanted to heal from some of the things that I’ve been through. In learning these things and working with other people, it’s really helped me to step so much more fully into my life purpose. I believe that everybody deserves to be able to feel the freedom in life to express themselves, and to pursue the knowledge of themselves, and have access to resources to live as their most genuine, authentic self, doing things that align with their values and being able to live as their full true identity. 

    Like I mentioned, how I arrived at this vision for the kind of world I want to live in is through pain. Of course, I think we all go through challenges. This is part of the human condition. This is part of being a human being is like we have to go through things that are difficult. I grew up really afraid. I grew up afraid of one of my parents, and afraid of the world, and never feeling like I fit in that well. I always felt like I was the black sheep like everything I did was wrong. It was under a microscope, and everybody was going to be able to see everything I was doing wrong. 

    I grew up with not a lot of connection or warmth in my family. I had a really hard time connecting with other people. I felt like when I got really close to people, I would do things that would sabotage the relationship. In attachment language, I have anxious attachment. So that was always a struggle for me—feeling like I could just never be seen for who I truly was and that it wasn’t good enough. 

    In addition, one of my siblings committed suicide. My family is immigrants. On my dad’s side, my grandmother was an immigrant. On my mom’s side, her grandparents were immigrants. There’s just this level of like we fit in, but we don’t. We belong, but then there are these different things about us. It just feels like I didn’t fit in. 

    I learned that hurt people hurt people, right? That people who are suffering tend to be the people that are inflicting suffering on other people. I wanted to be somebody that I could provide an intervention that could alleviate suffering, that could help people change through connection because I was so disconnected. That brought me on this journey. Especially once my sister committed suicide, I think that really put some things in perspective for me. 

    I changed some things about how I was relating to people in my life. I had different standards for what I would, for lack of a better word, put up with. Things were different. I wanted to be my true authentic self, like the name of this podcast, right? Returning home. I wanted to really get in touch with the Elise that is deep within me, that I didn’t feel I had the permission or the example for how to connect with myself. 

    That’s when I decided to go to graduate school to become a licensed clinical social worker. After I graduated from college, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do. I majored in women and gender studies. I just really love learning. So that was something that definitely fed that need that I had to always be reading and learning and challenging the situations I was immersed in. Living in a very patriarchal society, I always wanted to challenge things. I definitely found the opportunity to do that through my studies but wasn’t sure what to do as a career. 

    So I was working on a nonprofit. Then, I started opening my eyes a little bit more to what other people were doing that I thought, “Oh, I want to do that.” Then, I started doing informational interviews and realized that a lot of the people that were doing things I wanted to be doing were licensed clinical social workers, and they were therapists. 

    I didn’t necessarily know it at the time, but I had been through a lot of trauma in my life. I don’t know that in undergraduate school in college, I didn’t think about it like that. But once I got into graduate school, and I started learning a lot more, that word “trauma” was coming up a lot. I was realizing, “Oh, I’ve been through some traumatic experiences.” 

    There’s a study called the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, and there is a 10-question questionnaire that you can look it up online. But once I took that, my ACES score is like a 4 or a 5, and the highest you can have is a 10. That helped me realize, “Oh, okay, so what I’ve what I’ve been through isn’t necessarily normal, or isn’t how it’s ‘supposed to be’.” So, being in grad school, I realized, “Oh, I’m in the right place.” By being a therapist, I originally was working with children. I just really wanted to be an example of what’s possible when you decide to take your life into your own hands. 

    When you decide to take responsibility for your life, when you know that there’s something better out there for you, when you have faith that who you are on the inside is good enough and is capable, and you can make your life what you want it to be. It doesn’t just have to be what someone else tells you it should be or as my mom likes to put it, not letting somebody put a script in your hands and tell you, “This is your role. This is what you have to do.” So I felt like becoming a therapist was the way that I could do that for me, and I could also do that for my clients. 

    Originally, when I was in grad school, I had this vision of being a therapist. If you’ve ever been in therapy and before the pandemic years and years ago, having that kind of vibe of there’s the waiting room, and it’s cozy, and there’s magazines, and maybe there’s a candle, or there’s an essential oil diffuser, there’s tissues, there’s comfortable chairs and pillows, and you have this really cozy atmosphere of the waiting room, and the therapy office, and all the plants, and all these things, right? 

    That was very romanticized in my mind of like, “Oh, I really want to have an office. I want it to be this really cozy space where I get to hold space for people.” I really love creating spaces for people. Part of my work and my training included work with children, and I got training in sand tray therapy, play therapy, and these other experiential modalities. That was something that really fed my soul because I loved watching the kids make their own safe spaces in the sand as part of this therapy. Maybe I’ll go into that in another episode, I’m not going to go so far into that today. 

    But it’s just like the type of work I like to do with people is creating that warmth, and that safety, and that container of therapy, right? Of course, now we’re in 2021, my vision is a little bit different, but that’s what it was back in 2010, 11, 12. But as you know, things tend to work out differently than we expect, and oftentimes, better than we can even imagine. That has been a really interesting experience, a really fun experience over the last couple of years, is watching my vision kind of evolve and change and watching how I work with people change and grow. 

    Of course, there’s even more still coming. I have dreams that are in the works currently. I’ll definitely be expanding on that more as we go. But that was where I started my dreams of all of this. I remember sitting in a classroom and learning about this man named Dr. Bruce Perry and his work in psychology with children. So he is very famous. You might have seen him. He’s been on Oprah. He’s written many books. He’s also in the true-crime world, not by his own choice. He was married to somebody who was a victim of a pretty famous crime. That’s for also another podcast. 

    I learned about this theory that he helped to develop, which is called the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics™. Dr. Bruce Perry is a child psychologist. He’s an expert in child development, the effects of trauma on brain development in children, neuroscience. This is a field that is, even since I learned about this originally, 10, 11 years ago, it’s exploded, right? But when I learned about this, everything started clicking into place. Even on my resume, you know at the top of your resume, where it’s “professional mission.” 

    Mine was really being passionate about understanding the effects of trauma on children’s developing brains and bodies. I’m going to go into that a little bit here because I just think it’s so important. It’s so valuable. It’s something that changed my life when I heard about it. When I share this with my clients, I see light bulbs going off and they’re like, “Oh, okay, so this significant event happened at this age; this explains a lot.” So I just want to unpack this a little bit with you right now. 

    The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics™ very much focuses on the developing nervous system of fetuses, and infants, and children. If you can imagine the brain and the brain stem, it actually develops from the bottom up. So the brain stem and even below that is the spine and the spinal cord, that part of the nervous system starts developing 16 days after conception. This part of your nervous system, your brain stem, it controls your heart rate, your breathing, your body temperature, your blood pressure. So very fundamental, important, completely out of our conscious awareness, we don’t think to control this part of ourselves. This just automatically happens. 

    Moving up to the next part of the brain. Going from the bottom up, if you picture the part of the brain that is connected to the spine. This is called the diencephalon cerebellum. Or another way to put it is the midbrain. This controls coordination and movement. So picturing a baby learning to grasp, roll over, crawl, and even standing up, taking steps. So you could also picture a toddler running and playing. This part of the brain really controls balance. It also controls sleep, our ability to fall asleep, stay asleep. It controls the appetite and the ability to recognize whether you’re full or you’re satisfied. It also controls, like I said, motor regulation. So balance. 

    Moving up to the next part of the brain is the limbic system. This is young children between the ages of 3 and even up to 12. This is our social and emotional skills. This is around emotional reactivity, even our attachment to people, that concept of closeness, the ability to read people’s facial expressions, as well as sexual behavior and urges and things like that. The limbic system is still even developing up into adulthood, our mirror neurons, our ability to pick up social cues and learn things. But they really start coming online in school-aged children. 

    Then, going up to the top. The last part of brain development, this is the neocortex, which controls concrete thought, abstract thought, advanced thinking, problem-solving. This part of the brain is not fully developed until our mid-20s. Another exciting thing about that is neuroplasticity. Our brain can always change. This theory, this approach to therapy, especially with children, is what’s so vital to me in working with people that have experienced trauma. 

    I think that trauma-informed training and real understanding and education around what is going on in the body and in the brain of developing children and how that has effects on people as they grow older because this is really biological, right? This is where “The Body Keeps the Score” comes from, where that saying comes from. I know everybody’s read that book and is really passionate about that. But this is what it means. 

    From this theory and the work that Bruce Perry has done, is you see, with children that have experienced trauma along these different parts of brain development, there are literal pins in those parts of the nervous system. If you experience trauma in utero or as an infant, that affects how the rest of the system from there on develops. So that’s where the body is keeping the score. Your nervous system is literally changing the way that it is developing on a chemical biological level. 

    While yes, we can heal from our trauma, and that’s really the work that Dr. Bruce Perry has put in place, there are interventions you can do to help heal. But that’s why this is so much more beyond mindset. There’s actually physical ramifications on the physical body, as well as in the subconscious mind. 

    When we picture the mind as an iceberg, that top 5% is our conscious mind. Then, the bottom 95% is our unconscious mind. All the trauma that happened as a child, and especially as an infant, and as a very young child is all in that 95%. It really helps write the program that we’re seeing in our life. Like it’s the type of world we expect to see, is largely decided by those really formative experiences.

    This isn’t just about deciding to change. This isn’t about thinking, “Oh, I have this problem and I’m just going to think my way through it.” We need to bring the body into work, right? We need to bring a level of gentleness, and a level of understanding, and a level of compassion to our work. Because the choices that we make are more often than not very much caused by this unconscious process that’s happening that is beyond our ability to just think through it. We have to really work with the body. 

    As an example, I worked in a school for a few years. I also worked doing intensive in-home counseling for at-risk youth and was certainly using this approach in my work in those locations. If you think back to what you needed as an infant, what infants need, what one-year-olds, two-year-olds need, they need to be regulated. We need co-regulation, right? Like, rocking them, breathing with them. This was something that was applied to children 6, 7, 8, 9, right? Because they are brought all the way back to when they’re triggered. 

    When something has happened, they’re brought all the way back to that where that pin is in their nervous system, and they can’t regulate themselves. They need help regulating. So rocking them, or passing a ball back and forth, maybe dancing, maybe deep breathing, mindfulness and things like that, that’s going to help with time, and with intention, and with teaching them that this is going to help heal what’s going on underneath the surface. 

    That stuck energy can move, and you can, eventually, rewrite how your nervous system interacts. But it needs to come with the knowledge and the training and knowing how to do that, right? This is what’s really exciting about the brain is neuroplasticity. We can change. We can learn. We can grow. We can become more of who we’re meant to be and not a reflection of the trauma that we’ve experienced, right? 

    This brought so much, so much light to me at age 24. Like I’m sitting in the classroom, and for so long, I’ve always wondered, “Why am I the way that I am? Why do I do this? Why do I act like this?” Like I was explaining earlier in the episode, pushing people away? “Why is it so hard for me to have these close relationships?” This was all clicking and making sense. Because when you think about when significant traumas happen, there was a pin stuck there. 

    So it’s just been really helpful, I think, for me, in my own personal life, to unlearn this way of being and to understand that I can be more of myself when I acknowledge the trauma that I’ve experienced, when I give myself permission to take up that space and to see, “Okay, this is why I am like this and this is what happened,” I can be really honest with myself about what happened and I can now choose to move forward and to be my true authentic self through that. 

    One really important thing that helped me to bring this out of theory and out of intellectual understanding and into actual healing has been a mindfulness practice. In 2016 is when I really started practicing mindfulness in a more serious way. I was learning through an organization called Mindful Schools. I was being trained through that because I wanted to bring it into the school I was working in. A big part of the first module of their training is, if you want to teach mindfulness to kids, you have to embody mindfulness. 

    You have to be mindful and practice mindfulness. That was something huge in my life that helped me to really slow down, and be in my body, and be in my experiences, and acknowledge, “Who am I? How did I get here?  Who do I want to be going forward?” and being able to face myself and saying, “I actually really want to be myself.” For so long, it’s been all these layers of conditioning on me that made me feel unworthy to be who I truly am. So mindfulness helped me face myself in a really authentic, honest way. 

    Even up to today, so it’s 2021. In January of 2020, I stopped drinking, and so much more has come to light from that experience and so much more of my conditioning has flooded to the surface. I’m able to unpack my trauma. I’m able to look at my patterns. I’ve been able to really heal a lot of what I had been putting on top of myself for all those years in response to my trauma. 

    As we get deeper into all of this healing, talking about what can be done to really be your true, authentic self—I’m definitely going to put out an episode on being sober because that has been something, for me at least, that has been probably the most significant thing that I could do for myself on that journey. Just wanting to acknowledge that accountability for harm is so needed, and generational trauma is really real. 

    We can’t point to one specific person and say everything is this person’s fault. Yes, there needs to be accountability for when someone inflicts harm, but like I said at the beginning of this episode, I believe that when people know better, they do better. Knowing isn’t just on an intellectual level. It’s on a learned level. It’s on the level of “I feel this in my body. I am embodying the version of me that knows better and is doing better.” Right? So it’s about deciding to be the one who chooses not to perpetuate these patterns on future generations. 

    Teaching people who are waking up, how to take ownership of these patterns and putting an end to it is my life’s work. I love working with people that are awake, and they’re looking at their stuff, and they’re looking at their own patterns and their own behaviors and saying, “I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore.” That is something I’m so passionate about. I think it’s really important to… Yeah, we don’t let people that have hurt us have access to us. But we also don’t need to hold on to the anger around that forever. 

    Forgiveness has been huge medicine for me. You can forgive people and still not let them in your life. I think that is a completely acceptable way to approach the healing process. There’s this level of, yes, people need accountability for what they’ve done. But I don’t think people wake up in the morning and choose, “I’m going to be a terrible parent. I’m going to be a terrible sibling. I’m going to be a terrible coworker. I’m going to be a terrible president,” whatever it is. 

    These are all such subconscious and unconscious patterns that people aren’t willing to look at yet. I want to live in a world where we hold out hope that people want to have self-knowledge and they want to take ownership of their patterns. Those are the kinds of people that I love working with. Sometimes, this desire in me and this vision I have of the world that I want to live in, it sometimes puts me at odds with therapy. 

    Therapy isn’t so much about results, necessarily. There’s not pressure to have any kind of results to be this new embodied version of yourself that’s actually your authentic self that you’re returning home to, right? But therapy, it’s a place to process what has happened that you’ve never been able to tell anybody before. It’s a safe space to talk through your life experiences and to be seen, heard, and validated. But in the work that I do, sometimes, it’s also about challenging my clients to expand, to learn, to grow, to try things differently, to do something new. 

    That sometimes puts me at odds with my mission as a therapist, right? But the way that I bring that together is that I really use our time, as a therapist, to work through what’s currently happening in your life but also seeing how your past experiences may have shaped the circumstances or may have shaped your behavior that then led to the life that you’re living now. So then, how can you embody who you truly want to be now so that the future is more of your conscious choice? That’s been really exciting. 

    That is what I’ve got today for my first episode. I’m really excited to share this with you. I hope that you learned something. I would definitely love to hear from you. If you did learn something from this episode, if this sparked any kind of questions, or aha moments, or lightbulb moments, I would just love to hear that. Feel free to reach out to me. My Instagram should be linked in the show notes. That’s really where I like to hang out. 

    Thank you so much for listening today, listening to my story, how I came to become a therapist, and now, working with people on these kinds of past traumas and how that is shaping who they are today, and this model, the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics™, by Dr. Bruce Perry that really changed my life and validated so much of what I’ve been through, and I hope that it helped you as well. I will look forward to seeing you in the next episode, and I will talk to you soon.