Author: Elise Kindya

10 Things You Can Do To Tend To Your Mental Health During Quarantine

Hello friends!

I am writing you from my day 25 of self-quarantine! I have had the opportunity to slow waaaay down in this time, and re-evaluate my relationship with pretty much everything.

The most important things I have evaluated are not tangible. They are with me all the time, and yet they are difficult to reach. What do you think I’m talking about? My mindset and my habits. I am with myself, in my mind, 24/7. While I can step out of the kitchen, close the computer and turn off the phone, I cannot get out of my mind.

With all of this time to be with my thoughts, I am learning so much about my patterns of behavior, especially self-talk.

While the circumstance of this quarantine isn’t an invitation to bash yourself, it can be seen as an opportunity to get to some things you’ve wanted to do. I wanted to share with you the top 10 things that have been helpful to me when addressing my mental health during this time of quarantine with the hopes that this will help you too.

1. Allow myself to feel my emotions

This is first and foremost. When you set yourself up with a strong foundation, understanding your own mind and your own emotions is crucial. You have to allow yourself to feel. For example, if you put too much pressure on yourself to give the most or get the most done during this time, you may end up feeling depleted or resentful. You are still a human being, capable of a multitude of emotions! Your emotions are important information that let you know what you are capable of in the moment. Listen to their messages. See this feeling wheel by Gloria Wilcox to get more familiar with the many words we can use to describe our emotions.

It is ok if you don’t have it all figured out. News flash: NO ONE DOES! You are not alone. As Dr. Kristin Neff explores in her ground breaking work on self-compassion, all people suffer. It is when we think we are the only ones who experience this, that we start to feel bad about ourselves and our mental health takes a nosedive. When you can hold compassion for yourself, it is so empowering. When that feels too hard, reach out for help (see below).

Some ways I like to explore my feelings include journaling, visualization, and meditation. When journaling, I will sometimes ask myself a question. It can be simple, like “What am I feeling right now?” and free write the answer. Also, try not to edit yourself when you’re journaling. Let the information flow! Don’t hold yourself back.

When practicing visualization, I like to first write about my ideal day. Then, I will choose a part of that day to visualize. It helps to choose the part that you are most excited about. This will help you feel on a deep and resonant level, and to start seeing ways to attract these ideal circumstances into your life.

If you are new to meditation, I recommend setting a timer on your phone for 5 minutes. Just try to sit in silence, focusing on your breathing. The great meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh recommends focusing on the breath. On the in breath, say to yourself “breathing in” and on the out breath, “breathing out”. It is helpful to have an anchor to focus your mind on. Contrary to popular belief, the purpose of meditation is not to eliminate thought, but to focus thought. Discipline is of the utmost importance. And, with anything else, discipline is a muscle to exercise. It doesn’t go from weak to strong in a matter of minutes. It takes time, practice, patience and grace. Give these three a try!

2. Indulge in fun

No one ever said that your quarantine had to be all work (or stress) and no play! Yes, this time is stressful. But, constantly reminding yourself of the stress will not help the pandemic go away, or eliminate your problems. Sometimes, a clear mind can bring about solutions much more easily than a stressed or cluttered mind. In order to best serve yourself, do something that takes your mind off your stress for a little while. Some ideas:

-Read a book
-Have an at-home spa day
-Look up recipes
-Have a fashion show with your wardrobe, mix and match new outfits for after quarantine
-Watch a Netflix Show (I just finished Tiger King… omg SO many thoughts that we will save for another time…)
-Play a video game
-Post your selfies
-Color in a coloring book
-Take a walk and do a challenge to find the most something in your neighborhood
-Try a hobby (maybe one that you’re already good at and not something you’re just learning- to lessen the potential of frustration and overwhelm).

When you allow yourself to have fun, you are allowing your body to excrete pleasure hormones, exiting “fight and flight” and entering “rest and digest” part of your nervous system. This clears mental space and actually allows your brain to let in solutions to problems. These are physiological reasons to engage in fun that have positive effects on your brain chemistry.

3. Release via breathing, exercise, and cold showers

On a good day, we hold so much pent up energy in our bodies. Without the everyday opportunities to move around, energy is becoming stuck in more ways and more places in our bodies. Try to incorporate flow of this energy into your day with a new YouTube workout, a breathwork class, or even a cold shower! Some accounts you can follow on IG to learn more about breathwork: @goldenpranabreathwork and @icemanhof (breathwork and cold showers!).

These techniques physiologically create vacuums of oxygen that get your blood pumping to new areas and light up underused parts of your brain. If you’re feeling brain fog or low confidence, try them out and feel the difference. I would recommend rating your feelings on a scale from 1-10 before, and the same scale after, to judge your emotional response.

4. Rituals

Wellness rituals help ground me in the here and now. On days that I don’t implement my rituals, I feel lost. My rituals are pretty much the same every morning. I love the practice of sitting in the same seat in front of my altar, lighting candles, smudging with herbs, calling in Reiki energy, clearing and balancing my chakras and using crystals in this healing, meditating, visualization, journaling, going on a “rampage of gratitude” where I, out loud, will list off things I am grateful for, pulling tarot cards for myself and the collective and posting them on social media. This ritual helps me feel grounded and confident.

While I have listed a lot of things in my morning ritual, yours can be anything you want. Anything you do can be thought of as a ritual. When you name it as such, it can be with the intention of creating a grounding experience for you. Rituals can also be transitional, meaning you use an item or participate in an action to move from one phase to another. An example of this is that I light specific candles to mark the beginning and end of my workday. I light it to start the work day, and I snuff it out to mark the end of the work day. While working from home, it can be hard to have boundaries. This is one way that I mark my boundaries.

Rituals help me with my mental health by creating a container for my environment and behavior, and by marking the place of the beginning and end of an activity.

5. Steady Routine

Generally going to bed at the same time each night, and waking up the same time each morning, can help your mental health. There are, of course, occasions to be flexible with this. However, if you have a routine during non-quarantine life, it would be beneficial to you to stick more or less to that routine, if it will get put back in place after the quarantine. Studies show that our circadian rhythm affects so much of our biological life and processes, and taking care of yourself in this way will ease so much friction mentally and emotionally.

6. Time Outside

It is widely accepted that nature is a great (if not the ultimate) healer. From the Japanese practice of forest bathing, to the need for vitamin D, our bodies are made to be in and around nature. If you have a yard, try to head there at least once a day for at least 5-10 minutes, with bare feet on the earth. This will help with the charge of your body and bring your electromagnetic field into a more harmonious state. If you do not have a yard, consider taking a walk or a drive to a park or forest. Some cities are implementing a shelter in place order, making this an impossible task. Is this is you, don’t fret! Even listening to nature sounds can be beneficial to your mental health. Look up sounds such as rain or flowing water to ease any tension or anxiety and give your mental health a boost.

7. Sex

Whether you’re quarantined with a partner, alone, or with roommates, your body has needs! Heed the call. Biologically, our need for sex is real. There are many processes that take place within our bodies leading up to, during, and after sex. First of all, as I mentioned earlier, pleasure is needed at this time! Allow yourself to have fun.

It is also important to listen to your body. When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you sleep. The same could be true for the need for sexual pleasure. You are answering a biological need your body has, and in doing so, you create trust and confidence within yourself.

8. Ask for help

There are thousands of qualified people who can help you on the internet! It is an amazing resource. Many teachers are offering online courses during quarantine (including me!). My course is linked here. Therapists (also me!), Reiki masters, meditation teachers, career coaches, and more, are currently accepting new clients during this time. Use the extra time as an opportunity to work on yourself with fabulous professionals. You don’t have to go through this alone. There is support out there if you need it.

9. Connect with friends and family

If you are separated from safe family and friends, give them a call! This is a wonderful time for catching up with people. Again, use your best judgement and remember to instill boundaries to protect your energy.  It can be fun to connect with people we love who are far away. Ask how they are handling the quarantine. Send them loving-kindness, of course, after you’ve offered it to yourself first.

10. Support Small Businesses

For those who have the financial means, it is so important to support small businesses at this time. There are many businesses that are needing to close their doors due to the financial strain and burden of having overhead costs. To continue on during coronavirus, many businesses are offering gift cards, pay in advance, online ordering and more options to help them stay afloat during this time. This can help with your mental health because when we show up for our community, we are empowering ourselves to see ourselves as vital figures in each other’s lives, owning the fact that what we do makes a difference. We are all one, and showing up for each other financially can be one of the threads that holds our web together.

Some small businesses I have supported so far during quarantine:

-Bright Body
-Maya Moon Chocolates
-Lyra Parker Massage
-Boketto Wellness

Thank you so much for reading this post! I hope that these tips were helpful for you, and that you give them a try. Please let me know in the comments if you tried anything, and how you felt afterward.

May you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you be free from pain.

For clients looking to work with me, please know that I do not accept insurance.

I want to explain why here.

First and foremost, one of my favorite quotes sums up my feelings about therapy, “If you want to impress someone, make it complicated. If you want to help someone, make it simple.” said by an online business coach, James Wedmore, on his podcast . My goal in my work is to simply help my clients reach empowerment, connection and alignment in their lives. I believe that this takes an even energy exchange of money, time and dedication on both of our parts in this relationship. It is a simple relationship and an even energy exchange. As many clients may not know, insurance grossly complicates the relationship between client and practitioner.

Here are my reasons for not taking insurance below.

1. Time

In my experience, the world of insurance is complicated and limiting. The work required on the therapist’s end to meet the strict criteria of insurance demands hours and hours of the therapist’s time. I would need another employee dedicated to dealing with insurance alone, or to be backed by an agency to help with the added burden of managing insurance. I do not have the desire to work in that system.

2. Intervention approval

Another example of the limitations of insurance is the type of interventions they will approve, based on the notes written by the therapist. This means that I would not be able to serve my clients with many interventions that would not be covered by insurance that I find to be healing, such as Reiki, meditation and mindfulness practice, spirituality and more. I don’t want to be in a box professionally, and I want to offer the best of me and my clinical and intuitive healing skills in the therapeutic relationship.

3. Diagnosing after 1 session

Your insurance company will only approve a certain number of sessions, based on your diagnosis. There are strengths and limitations of new laws governing insurance companies and mental health diagnoses. I think it is important for people to be aware of mental health diagnoses and the strengths or stigma they can provide. For some, a diagnosis can be very freeing and give direction to treatment, and ultimately be healing. For others, a diagnosis is limiting and damaging. Did you know that your diagnosis code is in your insurance provider’s software, up near your name and DOB? Those codes follow you around everywhere. If you receive a diagnosis, you should be aware of its meaning and implications. The type of insurance-approved interventions are also dependent upon your mental health diagnosis. I don’t think any person fits in a box as determined by insurance, and I don’t want to have to pick my interventions based on your diagnosis and wonder if your insurance will reimburse for each intervention.

The way in which the diagnoses in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition) have been considered is less than hopeful. In short, the diagnoses of DSM’s past have been reworked into a new model that attempt to make them easier to understand, but have in fact undermined much of the work done by generations before. And this is important, because insurance currently accepts these codes in their reimbursement for services.

All in all, insurance is a very difficult system for mental health professionals to navigate and manage. I want to be working with clients, helping you see your potential, working out issues that arise in your life. I want to be embodying my authentic self. I want to provide the best intervention for each individual. I do not operate in a box. I am free, and so are you. Insurance takes away the free flow of treatment for both therapist and client. For these reasons, I am deciding that I want to pursue my work without the hindrance of insurance. I hope that all of my clients are excited about the prospect of our work together, and understand and respect my decision.

I look forward to continuing on my path toward helping my clients feel more empowered, connected, and aligned every day.

Hey friends.

I have had QUITE the ride these last few weeks, and specifically, the last couple of days.

*Trigger warning: this post speaks about death and family dysfunction.

It has taken a few days for me to write this post, since I am still in the middle of processing all the events. This post really deals with the portal being open from 11/10/19-11/19/19, and a life lesson that I am learning throughout this important time.

The numbers “111” and “1111” have great significance to me. 1 is the first number. It stands on its own. It is empowerment embodied. When 111 or 1111 appears in sequence, the meaning to me is that of power amplified. It reminds me that while power can be painful, and hard to bear, it is also itself an amplifier. In order to achieve our dreams and move onward and upward in our life’s lessons, we have to be willing to receive the message of 1. With the pain comes the lesson and the ascension. We have to be willing to open our minds and hearts to learning the lessons that 1 presents to us. One can be solitary, but it also connects us all. We are all 1 part of a great whole. It’s lonely, but also connecting. It is up to us to find the lesson within so that we can continue to grow and walk our unique path. Remember, your path brings you into community with others who are walking their path. We are never really alone.

The 11/11 portal opened up on Monday, bringing clarity downloads, opportunities for aligning with your power and with your Spiritual Guides, and opening people to feel extremely empathic. For someone who is already extremely empathic, this week, and especially Monday, felt challenging for me. I needed rest, patience with myself, and gentleness. The power was at times too much for me to acknowledge with excitement, and rather, I needed to care for myself and withdraw.

Further, there was a full moon in Taurus on Tuesday 11/12. Taurus is ruled by Venus and deals with personal possessions, love, decadence and taking care of the self. My North Node is in Taurus, so this activates a desire to shift into my higher purpose, the lessons I am to learn in this lifetime. Since Scorpio season started, I have been feeling a tilt toward focusing on my money story and financial situation. It is also where my South Node resides, and so the push and pull tension has been super real this week! This is personal to me.

On Wednesday, 11/13, I found out through a 2nd cousin via Instagram DM, that my grandmother died. This is the type of dysfunction I deal with in my family. I did not have the opportunity to attend the wake, as it was held the following day. I could have dropped everything and attended, but it was clear to me that my immediate family did not want me there, because they did not inform me of my grandmother’s passing themselves. As a spiritual person, I am making my own meaning and saying goodbye on my own terms. I am okay with having my own healing time to process the event. It is hurtful, but I realized that it is better for me to be physically distant from members of my family for my own mental, emotional and spiritual health.

However, I found myself judging myself for not attending the wake. I told myself that “normal” families would drop everything when a member dies. They would move heaven and earth to be there. But, I had to remind myself, that 1. Normal doesn’t exist, and 2. I can process my life events in my own way. I asked myself, “Do I dwell in this event, or do I move on?” What I’ve done instead is I allow myself to sit in mindfulness and explore my emotions and bodily sensations. What I found was that I don’t really have a lot of feelings at this time. I haven’t spoken to my grandmother in many years due to a falling out. I mourn her death in my way, which is to be thankful that I have another ancestor on the other side, connecting with my other dead relatives and ancestors who are looking out for me. What she did as a human in this realm has little to do with her spiritual path. I know her soul is joined with other souls and is on my spiritual team, rooting for me and helping my blessings reach me from beyond.

Throughout the rest of this week, I have taken this time to explore what MY life means to me. What am I here to do. Who I am here to help. Why am I on this path. What is the meaning I am giving to my life and my existence. I realize that all of these questions are up to me to answer. And that is what is exciting to me about life.

The timing of all of this could not be more poignant for me. It seems that this is all unfolding in perfect order. I am challenged, I face the challenge, I move through, I come out on the other side. What does it all mean? I think it might mean: that I am capable of so much. I can endure a lot. I deserve the best. I am determined to live my best life, for myself, for members of my family who never acknowledged their power over their own lives. I heal for all of us when I heal. I heal for all of us when I decide I deserve more. I heal for all of us when I treat myself and others with respect.

Life challenges us when we are ready, and sometimes when we are not. There is always a lesson. Sometimes a triumph, sometimes a defeat, sometimes a heartbreak, sometimes a breakthrough. But always a lesson. I am so glad and lucky that I am able to see these lessons as they come. There are lessons that I don’t see or learn every time. And then I will repeat the lesson. But now, I have so much more grace for this process and understanding of its breadth and depth. I am no longer afraid. I am not afraid to “fail” because I know there is no such thing. There is only learning and experience.